Nursery hinting my 3 year old has autism.

Oh, and you're still not being any less offensive by the way. Not every autistic child behaves the same, and having extra energy doesn't mean you have bad behaviour. They're trying to communicate their needs aren't being met, probably because they've not been supported to learn how their brains work slightly differently, and because they're being forced to try not to behave like any other NT child would just so they don't upset your precious husband!

It is not neurotypical to be so rigid in your inability to tolerate the behaviour of others. Quite the opposite. Far more likely that someone with neurodiversity, and a more rigid black/white mindset of right/wrong behaviour would struggle in the way you say DH does. I'd seriously doubt he's neurotypical at all.

@HaudYerWheeshtYaWeeBellend I agree, I think it's very important for nursery workers to be careful with how things are phrased. Stating the behaviours that are concerning and pointing out red flags is what they are supposed to do, not offer a diagnosis. Their observations need to be taken seriously though.

I work in this area and find the issue of a diagnosis is often raised because its pushed by the parents. They are upset and concerned and repeatedly ask the nursery worker why is this an issue, what are you suggesting, where are you going with this.. and push her to say she is concerned about autism.. then go home and tell everyone the nursery worker said she thinks the child has autism. Friend and family jump on this and say the nursery are only looking for a label, why are they diagnosing and before you know it the context of the conversation has been misrepresented. That's why documenting is so important. It's a very difficult discussion to have. I'm doing a course soon in exactly that and it will be my job to train my colleagues, I was there once myself with DS1 when I worked in a different field and knew nothing about it all, I'm forever grateful his nursery worker was empathetic and gentle with me. I also have some colleagues who are great at their job but do not have the training or innate social skills to handle this sensitively.

You realise that a diagnosis doesn’t actually change your son? It’s not going to make him more autistic. It’s also not going to make him more “irritating” to your husband because he’s autistic.

I’d look a little more closely at your “poster boy” husband. Seems to be he’s gets a little overwhelmed and overstimulated by these kids…

Children often need to jump up and down and be energetic, some more so than others, neurotypical or otherwise. Did your husband know what children were like before having them? Just because your first child doesn't jump about doesn't mean others won't.

Step away.
You categorically are not the person to do any at home tick box tests on autism

Your view is very clear and any “tests” you perform will be soaked in your firm
belief the nursery is wrong

You do know google's first answer is now AI generated, and AI answers are often incorrect or lacking any kind of nuance or actual understanding. I would be tempted to believe education professionals over a google AI answer but I think you're desperately looking for an answer that tells you your child's behaviour is 100% in line with the norm and it seems you don't want to hear otherwise.

You know a diagnosis will not make any difference on how your child will behave..he won't suddenly start bouncing around stimming the day he gets a diagnosis. He will be the same kid. The only difference is there would be supports to help him at school and you would be educated more to help him with whatever he needs help with. If your dh is managing with DS now their relationship doesn't need to change.

@LostandFounded you trust this nursery to have sole regular care of your child, but you don’t trust that maybe, just maybe, they genuinely do think this might be a possibility and have your son’s best interests at heart

The thread you link to absolutely doesnt indicate misdiagnosis @Warmthofthesun

He'll have to. Or he can eff.off surely?

i would say not responding to name unless shouted at and a speech delay is a concern. Child on their own agenda and not trying circle time, added to the other things, makes it a bigger concern.

What if they did? What would your husband do.ifnyour child was jumping around being silly?

What will your husband do.if your child IS autistic?

@LostandFounded this must be very hard for you. It sounds to me like you're at the start of a long journey for your family. I hope that your DH can be supported to support his son.

So this is basically what it comes down to and the fact you are in a family which won't accept diagnosis and you are facing an uphill struggle with your husband on this.

The fact you have autistic children within the family, really only adds to the likelihood that your child is autistic.

Your DH is liable to deny. This will make things a lot harder in the long run. I know a couple who do this and it made things a lot worse, including behaviour.

Early support is the best way to manage any potential behavioural issues before they get out of control.

Sounds like your oh gets sensory overwhelm or has difficulties socialising... which again points towards ND.

Perhaps reading more about autism would be helpful. We have numerous ND in our close family and all are so different depending upon the specific diagnoses and also personality and age. The traits at pre school age are totally different to those now.

Funnily enough if you met them now you'd probably not notice my older child as autistic but the younger one definitely would be obvious. But actually overall the older one struggles far more and is at an autism school.

Both my twins boys are autistic - one was diagnosed at 7 but in hindsight the signs were there from 3 ish. Similar to what your nursery is saying - he was on his own agenda, not interested in joining in with the others etc. He was delayed with speech but that is also common with twins so didn't raise red flags at the time. It was when he started school and both behaviour and social expectations increased that things started to go wrong (anxiety, couldn't attend school, aggressive behaviour as he was finding it all so difficult etc) and that's when he was referred. I wish we'd known sooner as we could have put more support in place for the transition to school and at school.
His twin sailed through nursery/primary and I would have said was as neurotypical as they come. Went up to secondary school and fell apart within two terms. Never returned to mainstream school, diagnosed at 14 last year.

Both of them are academically able, have friends, have no speech issues (although do sometimes struggle with social communication) and now they have the appropriate support are doing well in school.

In your case I would be open to what nursery is saying, and either consider assessment now or keep a close eye so you can refer for assessment if/when more traits emerge. Only trained clinicians can assess and diagnose your child and the nursery may well be wrong and he's not autistic at all. But if he is, the sooner he is diagnosed the better.

That is the behaviour for most children that age but the nursery staff are telling you his behaviour is different from the others. If it was within the normal range they wouldn't be telling you that.

Surely you should be putting your child before your husband? If he can’t cope or accept it then you need to leave him

But a diagnosis won't make your son behave like that. If he does (and it is possible his behaviour could get difficult as he gets older) then at least you will have strategies to deal with it. Having him assessed won't make his behaviour difficult.

But you said your child doesn’t always respond to you so you have to raise your voice, so it isn’t just at busy nursery

So what do you/he do.of your child is energetic?