Nursery hinting my 3 year old has autism.

I am coming from this as an educational professional who have had parents literally shout at me if I dared to suggest their child had any signs of anything. I’ve worked with nursery children for 15 years and I have never been wrong. Most of the parents who were angry have now conceded and actually wish they’d listened sooner because of how long the wait list is for help! I don’t know the nursery staff but in my experience, if they’re suggesting this at 3 - your child is standing out from the norm and they have their reasons. At least be open to hearing them out - everything you listed absolutely can be signs of autism.

In many ways you are lucky that your childcare providers are flagging this. Even if it doesn’t lead to a diagnosis. I only wish my son had been identified, referred and diagnosed earlier. It was patently obvious to me that he was autistic from age 3 or so but one of his nurseries just saw him as a difficult child, and the other saw him as a savant and nurtured that excitedly while ignoring other red flags for neurodivergence! It took disruptive behaviour and meltdowns later in primary school before he was considered for a referral to CAMHS and ultimately an autism diagnosis.

My DD was similar to yours at age 3, she’s now 5 and been referred by her school for both autism and ADHD assessments. So yes I do think those are signs of autism in 3 year olds.

You can't say with certainty that your older child isnt autistic. When I did post diagnosis autism training course they said the commonest ages for diagnosis were 8-10 and 15-16. In scotland that roughly coincides with difficulties being noticed at the start of primary school or high school (with 2-3 years wait until assessment). Also some diagnose much younger but more commonly much more severe autism. Girls also tend to be diagnosed later.

And I should point out you might have had the delicate conversation but I had the late diagnosis and suffered all throughout my childhood into early adulthood so I’m the last person who’s going to say it’s misdiagnosed.

OP what are you afraid of if your son/daughter does have autism?

My youngest started school nursery with a speech and language delay. I'm a teaching assistant and have worked in early years for a very long time and when he was 3 I knew that he was different to a typical child his age.
I approached the school about it because I honestly didn't know if it was a speech delay or autism, I felt like he had traits of both.
He was seen by an educational psychologist who also said that it was one or the other and when he was referred to a paediatrician autism was then ruled out.
He started to make really good progress with huge support from school and he's now in Year 3 and has completely caught up with his peers, which was unthinkable when he was in nursery because he was so obviously behind.
As hard as is was to hear when the school agreed with my concerns, the support put in to place by them to help him was amazing and I'm certain he would of continued struggling without it.

Sounds like my child, he was diagnosed with autism aged 4. He's now 5 and it is glaringly obvious that he is autistic. My older DC had some similar traits at 3 but not as severe, however, now she is in the teen years it's looking like she may also be autistic.

Autism in girls can become more obvious in the teen years. Is your eldest a girl?

I don’t think I said any of that but duly noted 🫡

Oh bore off with yet another "autism would be absolutely awful" rage-baity thread so the usual autism is over diagnosed shite can be trotted out.

As someone who's had the delicate "have you had any concerns about X's development" conversation with a child's school nursery - I was grateful they raised concerns and set us on a very long and drawn out pathway - because, shock horror, they don't just hand out diagnoses for fun and the concerns we noted and initially raised at age 4 - translated into a diagnosis at age 13.

They haven't said the word autism, you have leapt to that. IME, childcare workers don't "hint", they give honest feedback about a child's behaviour in a group setting. It just so happens that your child is displaying several behaviours which can match ND diagnoses.

You sound defensive. Somebody noticing difference in your DC is not a criticism of you or them. It is actually a lovely sign that their carers have a general oversight of their needs and behaviours.

My DB and SIL reacted similarly to nursery concerns at the same age. We had been gently prompting for a while but when nursery raised it, they were cross and defensive. I think it came from fear of the unknown tbh. In their case, there was actually no doubt and my now 18yr old niece eventually benefited from her early diagnosis.

Get him tested?
I would want to know and for future education making it fair for everyone.
He is not his sibling.

Just because your oldest child doesn’t have autism doesn’t mean that your youngest also doesn’t have it. DS1 had speech delay amongst other things but isn't autistic. DS2 was actually a very early talker but is autistic. Our nursery staff weren’t looking to treat him differently, merely to meet his needs. Also worth bearing in mind that the referral process is long and we are glad they raised their concerns and referred when he was 3, as he got diagnosed at 5 and that helped us ensure he got the right support through school. Keep an open mind, and remember that you cannot be certain your youngest will develop in the same way as your oldest, they are different children.

There’s nothing in that thread that suggests she was misdiagnosed. Her mother thinks she was but that’s not an expert opinion. If you are female you are more likely to mask symptoms and just because her mother thinks she wouldn’t be able to go to a RG uni if she was autistic doesn’t make it true. Most of us are intelligent, I know this may come as a shock but some of us hold down jobs and have a family as well 😱

My 3 year old was diagnosed with ASD yesterday. He's exactly as you describe yours, as well as a few other tell tales. He talks, he plays, he explores, he just learns differently. Working with his nursery has meant we can get any/all/no support as and when he requires it. Please don't dismiss what they're saying

See it as a positive regardless.

He is on the radar.

Whether this be for delayed development or for autism he is on the radar.

This is GOOD.

The hardest thing to do is to get on the radar. If you are on the radar you will ultimately get a quicker diagnosis should you need it.

The worst thing you can do is to go into denial and say there's no problem at all.

Parents who go into denial seem to end up with the worst issues long term because they won't engage.

This doesn't mean he has autism. This means they are noticing something isn't as expected and to keep an eye. This will be forwarded on.

As I say this is GOOD.

Don't be the parent who is unwilling to have an open mind about this.

Unfortunately I am not sure I agree that further research always means that we are more thorough in terms of diagnosis. If anything I am inclined to think the opposite: the more the criteria is broadened the more likely it is that people who don’t have autism will be diagnosed as if they do.

I am certainly not saying that the OPs DS does have autism, but I would tread cautiously.

Your dc may have autism or they may have a speech delay only that shares similar traits to autism. Either way even if a referral was put in tomorrow they’d likely wait years to be seen. Ime nursery workers are only good at recognising obvious traits so I’d have meeting with them and try and be proactive. Early intervention whether speech or autism is really important.

Or at least get on the list for an assessment and then hope to be diagnosed after a few years at school.

I’m not really sure what your anger is over here OP? These are presumably experienced and well trained staff if you are happy to leave your child in their care, they see hundreds of children, if they are telling you they have noticed something and want to provide support, referrals, helping with some investigations, what is the harm? If he isn’t autistic, that’s what will be shown and no damage done.

My boy is obvious at four. I wondered from when he was about one. Just been to check out his new school and you can tell easily who the ND children are.

I worked in early years for many years and the staff are just doing their job. It does seem that there could be a couple of traits especially not turning around when their name is called. Working within education, educators can be very good at picking these things up early on. As another poster mentioned, we can not diagnose ASD/ADHD but we do become familiar with traits. I work in FE now and when completing support interviews I have mentioned traits and can be with them for a matter of minutes. Low and behold they've ended up with a diagnosis. It's worrying how many kids get to FE and nothing has been mentioned or done. So it does sound like your child's nursery is on the ball.

Sounds like my boy who is four and on the autism waiting list. The staff have training in this area so I would listen to them.