Nursery hinting my 3 year old has autism.

Many autistic children have friends and can maintain friendships. Please do some research on autism. You seem to be very uneducated and potentially doing your child a disservice by allowing your bias to affect their healthcare.

When my son’s childcare provider hinted at autism I reacted just like you OP and I was highly offended. But they were spot on. He was three and I was so used to him I didn’t see any issues at all. Now several years down the line I can spot neurodiversity in other children it’s not necessarily one major red flag that will have you thinking that a child has autism it is often several things. They will have seen this before and will know the signs. Absolutely all the things you have listed can be perfectly normal in a child of that age but they are seeing the child in a room of children the exact same age and it can be obvious that something in the behaviour just isn’t neurotypical. Don’t see it as a criticism of you or your child,

but actually responding to name is a developmental target quite early on, well before starting nursery at 3.

most children will join in with their peers during circle time, even if they just sit with their peers. If not it is usually a behavioural or learning issue.

Working in nurseries you start to notice children who are developing at slower rates or behaving differently because you have a sample of 30 or more children in the cohort who are very similar in age. And you have experience of that cohort over many years.

Yes, your child might be autistic but they might not. Early Years educators are not able to diagnose autism but they can certainly spot the traits.

Waiting lists towards autism assessment can take years unless you go private; in the meantime the nursery might contact the local authority SEN dept. to help them put together any interventions that may be needed for your child but you will need to agree to this.

I wouldn't get cross with the nursery, they are doing their job.

Bit daft

its not sobering - how v dramatic! Issue is with putting stuff online not a misdiagnosis!

no harm can come from seeking a diagnosis threshold is sooooo high its v unlikely you will get a diagnosis let alone a mis diagnosis

Those traits can be typical of a 3 year old or ASD traits. As an early years educator we can pick up traits at this age, they can be very obvious or subtle. Educators are comparing them to their peers and other children they are taught over the years.

I have a child this year who is exactly like this- in own world, not aware of others/ surroundings, doesn’t respond to name or instructions. We have had the beginning conversation with parents and I would bet good money they are autistic.

eyes and ears are the checks we suggest to see if there any other underlying reasons.

going for a diagnosis takes years so actually it is becoming more and more important for early years educators to notice the traits and record on graduated responses, get parent involved early.

That's not responding to their name though. That's responding to you shouting loudly. You could shout anything at that point and they would turn. Responding to their name means just that - you say their name as part of a normal conversation and they break off to listen to you

It’s very easy to keep dismissing what everyone is saying. It’s also very easy to make excuses.
These absolutely could be signs of autism and your child deserves a chance at getting the support they may need.

Yes, you have asked that question a couple times and had lots of answers. They are signs of autism.

You seem to have a very skewed view of autism. I have worked with many autistic children and not any of the ones I’ve worked with have had potty training issues.

My son had a speech delay. When he was 2 we saw a private speech therapist who was absolutely fantastic, I’ll never forget when I told her that he doesn’t respond to his name and she looked at me dead in the eye and said very seriously “that really concerns me”

Lo and behold, 2 years later and my son is diagnosed with autism.

nursery also raised concerns which my mum and my DH completely disregarded. Nursery were of course right.

My DS is absolutely on his own agenda , very intelligent, “speaks like an adult” according to his ASD assessment, can really focus on a task he’s interested in . He also has no social boundaries , has poor emotion regulation and sensory seeks. Oh and his sleep has been atrocious and he is an incredibly fussy eater.

The waitlist is so long (my son was referred via nursery in Sept 2024 and in spring of this year we gave up and went private) so there’s no harm in getting on the very long list. And if he’s no autistic he won’t get a diagnosis of it

Sorry this can be upsetting to hear. But he is clearly behaving in a way that suggests to the nursery that he is , so take it seriously

ive known kids to be diagnosed at 2,5

early diagnosis is best for early interventions

Two year waiting list so best get on it asap

They're right to report their concerns with you.
They likely know much more about autism than you do.
You're very dismissive of them possibly having autism.

Yes but within those nuances are traits and little clues. Childcare workers see dozens upon dozens of children the same age and whilst the parameters of NT is wide, it is actually when children fall outside if this wide scope that you can see ND. Including the things you mention....

But look, ultimately you believe you know best so just ignore them.

You still haven’t addressed questions around why you are so defensive about your child being potentially autistic. What is so terrible about it?

Nope not tons of 3 year olds are like this, 2 year olds yes. I would listen and get assessed if needed and then he can be given support and not treated differently as you suggest. Your mindset is very negative around autism.

No it doesn't - all that thread shows is that the OP no longer believes her DD has autism - it doesn't say anywhere that she's been told that by any kind of professional.

LOTS of girls mask to the extent that their autism isn't visible to most.

I’d gently suggest having a speech therapist take a look, just to get a clearer picture. Some little ones do go through speech delays, and nurseries sometimes use “autistic” as a broad term for behaviours that can come from many different things. Which is not necessarily wrong as their intention is to flag anything so your child gets the support. When speech is still developing, circle time can feel a bit much — the pace, the group interaction, and the expectation to join in can all feel overwhelming for a child who’s still finding their words.

They are trying to do their best for your child whilst you appear to be burying your head in the sand.

Nursery flagged up concerns for my now 12 year old when he was 3.

He didn’t like getting dirty and speech was delayed and a few other things that had not convened me and saw them as his personality traits.

Turns out he just needed time to develop and he has no additional needs and school have never raised any issue.

As others have said it’s only their opinion you don’t need to take it any further.

Just say you appreciate their concerns and want to see how he develops moving forward.

Yeah I would listen to them, even if for now you just bear in mind that it Is a possibility. You will be doing your child a disservice if you dont
The nursery practitioners will be very experienced in spotting these behaviour patterns in children and have obviously seen something in your child. It isn’t usually something mentioned lightly, they will have been monitoring and observing.
I have see so many parents in denial and each and every time the child has them been impacted further by the delay in getting support.

Good question