Nursery hinting my 3 year old has autism.

Yes many children do have these traits and it is normal. What is not normal is when it is constant and done excessively more than others. They are in a setting where they can see this. It doesn't mean your child has autism, it means they are flagging for it to be monitored.

Not sure that was the case 20+ years ago.

most children with autism won’t bring in additional funding to school. As it’s based on need not diagnosis

I think while professionals can get it wrong. At the end of the day it is very different viewing a child in a constant group setting seeing consistent flags then when you are a parent and at home with your child.

What do you think is the downside of accepting autism is a possibility?

I would quietly observe, read up on Autism and be open minded. My experience is that the school system is overwhelmed and the damage that a child suffers in school if they do not have a diagnosis is devastating (from experience) It may even be worth going down the NHS diagnosis route because the waiting list is years. Sadly this is how my proactive brain works now because in reception I was told "its fine" "she will catch" and at age 15 she is on EOTAS and working at a KS2 level. I wish someone would have said we suspect there is more to this!

I would ignore them. They aren't doctors and all their experience doesn't make them qualified to diagnose. As you say, you know your child. They said the same about my child and they were ignored. 20+ years later, I still applaud myself for not listening to nonsense peddled by overzealous nursery workers trying to 'alert' me on things. They completely failed to let me know my DC was being bullied. Guess that didn't bring in any funding.

I suspected ASD when my dd was 9 months. We didn’t get a diagnosis until she was 9 years old.

your attitude is very negative. I have a masters degree, earn in the top 10% of income, am a leading expert in my field, have a husband, a child, and own a home. My daughter is thriving and going to university next year. She drives and has friends. She hopes to be a veterinarian and in all likelihood she will succeed at her goal.

Learn a bit about the condition before you dismiss all of us.

It’s a neurodivergence, it doesn’t automatically mean you have a disability. My partner and daughter aren’t disabled and that’s what they said. Their autism isnt a disability to them, its a brain difference.

(obviously the disability changes with severity and any other diagnosises)

I’m seeing this a lot recently and I think it might be because waiting lists for assessments are so long. When I am it’s 4 years but in some parts of the country it’s 8 years so realistically unless anything is spotted really young, some children won’t get a diagnosis until secondary school. This then puts a lot of pressure on nurseries to identify any neurodivergence. This is especially hard when you consider that until they learn the rules of socialising, toddlers are strange as fuck!

The nursery staff will have noticed that your child's behaviour is different to the other children. I was a Early Years teacher in a school and the vast majority of 3 year olds enjoy listening to stories snd joining in songs and finger rhymes even if they lose attention now and then. It would be beneficial for you to listen to what they say, nothing bad will happen. It's not an insult to your parenting or a discipline issue.

It's a whole lot more disabling if your parents refuse to acknowledge it and treat you like you're neurotypical. My son's neuropsychologist cannot believe how well he's doing given his very clear issues in a clinical sense. He has a close group of friends, a supportive school environment and parents who strive to understand his difficulties. As such he's meeting all his school academic targets and excelling in mathsa and history.

Better they think it might be autism than naughty.

Listen to them, it won’t harm but might open doors if you need them. Also might help give you tactics to help him listen to you

I agree. They have picked up your child displaying some behaviours right now which could be signs of autism. This doesn't mean you have to decide right now to either get him diagnosed and treat him as an autistic child who needs lots of specialist help from this point on, or decide he isn't autistic and never treat him in the way you might treat an autistic child ever again.

You bare it in mind, so do nursery. If you see behaviours that might be autistic behaviours, and there are methods of helping autistic children displaying those behaviours that might help your child, you use them. Later on you re-evaluate the situation.

In a nursery setting most children will follow the crowd. They play along side each other rather than with but generally if all the children sit for circle time then at 3 they would too.

your child should response to their name by 3 as well.

there is no harm in it being mentioned and looked into to ensure that your child is getting as much help as possible if/when needed

Autism isn't naughtiness. My son is one of the best behaved kids in his class and will follow rules to his own detriment to 'be good', he has never stood out as badly behaved. He HAS stood out as struggling to stay still, struggling to take in some information particularly if not delivered directly to him and his attention isn't gotten properly beforehand, he struggles with eye contact and with big emotions, impulsivity was much more than his friends for much longer.

My neurotypical daughter responds when I say her name and always has my neurodivergent son it seems like he's not listening but he's just not processing me saying his name as separate from all the other noise he's dealing with around him. Sounds like your son may be the same.

My son actually had no speech delay and sentences by age 2. Non of the kids I know who were non verbal at 3 were neurotypical (I know some can be speech delayed for other reasons and I've known kids with speech delay but not saying meaningful original sentences by 3 is a big red flag in the absence of hearing difficulties.

This all becomes very relevant when they start school and they can't take instructions from a single teacher at the front of the classroom, or sit in circle time or follow instructions like getting books tidied away for lunchtime. No diagnosis or pathway means actually being labelled naughty rather than having reasonable adjustments and support. Support that can be the difference between accessing the curriculum and not.

At 3 my neurotypical daughter sought out other kids and showed interest in their activities and would take part in games initiated by others. My neurodivergent son would walk off to the construction corner and get the Lego out. He couldn't draw or write because he didn't have the interest or patience for activities he wasn't immediately interested in. The only way I could get him to do arts or crafts was 3d toys related to his special interests which at that point thankfully was Lego and unicorns so plenty of craft options. He talked early but also incessantly about his special interests. Then unicorns, Lego and space now at 8 Lego, specific computer games and currently the history of the British monarchy. He'll leave a room to avoid chat he's not into. ASD is nothing to be scared or embarrassed of

Pre school alerted my daughter to the fact they thought my granddaughter was autistic at just 2 years old even though she spoke fluently. They were correct in her case but even if they are not right about your child surely they are just alerting you in case they are autistic? You don’t need to act at this stage just be aware there may be some autistic traits.

Ignoring it won’t stop him having it

Best thing you can do is get in touch with your public health nurse and get an assessment of need. You'll know either way and can access supports if needed. I knew my son was autistic at 6 months old but nobody would take my concerns seriously until he was 18 months old. Autism doesnt always present the way you might expect. My son met all his milestones early but had a very poor attention span and rarely responded to his name. Getting a diagnosis and early intervention made a huge difference.

That would be a different discussion. They don't think he's naughty, they think he potentially isn't able to engage the same way as the other kids.

Own world and own agenda can be similar.

You can have friends and be autistic.

Why do you think nursery would have brought up this, if they didn’t have concerns and why are you pushing back.

Also there isn’t anything wrong being autistic it’s just a difference.

Yes my son would also turn to his name if I shouted it or if it was something like “John, do you want some ice cream”

But if he was playing and I called his name , nope. It’s only now that I have a 1 year old who has consistently turned to her name no matter the situation since about 9 months that I can see the big difference with my son .

Regarding not wanting to join in with circle time etc , my son was exactly the same. And at the time I thought that was a ridiculous thing for nursery to bring up - what little boy wants to sit quietly for a story when there are exciting toys to be played with?! But the majority of kids seem to go along with that social expectation of sitting for circle time when the grown up tells them to and their peers are cooperating