Nursery hinting my 3 year old has autism.

It’s ok if he does have autism you know. Don’t be that parent who ignores what people are telling you.

behind every child that isn’t getting the help and support they need is a parent in denial.

just because they’re your second child it doesn’t mean you know everything.

you ignored your elder child’s needs and by your admission they grew out of them so you plan to ignore this child’s needs too.

”I know my child best” well you didn’t pick up on any issues before the nursery so no you don’t know them best.

They are letting you know their observations what you do with that is up to you. I know people who dismissed feedback and now find themselves on long waiting lists with children approaching high school age still awaiting assessment.
My dc school raised issues with me in first school term (when I look at nursery reports there are similar comments that were not initially obvious and less in person conversations as was covid) he was diagnosed when he was 7.
Eta - you seem to have very fixed ideas about autism. Autistic people can be extremely high functioning it is not all about delays and diaability.

Having been a nursery teacher for 10 years, probably teaching over 250 children it is easier to see children who are presenting differently.
Most kids at age 3, once they have settled in, want to join in and are curious to what is going on. They will join the group, sing the songs and listen to the stories. Or they blindly copy what the others are doing. Basically faking it until they make it.
Those that don't are the exception and it usually does point to 'something'. It really is rather rare that a child just isn't interested.
Not responding to their name is single channeled attention. They can only focus on things of their choice. Not being able to focus or pay attention. Not communicating their needs, wants and ideas again not 'typical'

Listen to the staff, get any referrals they suggest and keep an open mind. Support is hard to get. Take whatever is offered.

Have their already been seen by speech and language?

It reads to me like you have some stigma around autism and are taking these comments to heart when in all likelihood the nursery are just trying to be helpful and supportive

You’re being very literal in your interpretation of autistic traits.

I have three kids. All of them have traits of autism.

Guess what? They can point, laugh, answer to their name when they feel like it. In fact, two of the three are so good at masking the school have no concerns whatsoever. They have other behaviours that do indicate autism. It isn’t simply a checklist.

OP clearly knows best and doesn’t actually want any advice so unsure why she even posted here. OP just take him out of the nursery and ignore his autism traits as you are obviously more educated than those who are well versed in early years development.

How does it harm you to just explore it a little? I think you'd do your child a disservice if you swept it under the rug. Put your own feelings aside and concentrate on the main issue here: someone with experience has flagged a concern and, as a loving parent, you should look into that concern without judgement. It may be that your child doesnt have autism but surely it's better to know than delay any diagnosis that could potentially help them?

100% this.

Personally I think there is no harm in getting on a waiting list for assessment. My son was referred at his 2 year check and the wait is 16months. The health visitor mentioned that if we waited until he started school then it would be under CAMHS and a 5 year wait.

If when you go they are not sure then they will usually see you again 12 months later to reassess.

Similarly if you have no concerns when you are seen then you can discuss that with the clinician.

But the nursery and many posters here can see that his behaviour is not typical of 3 year olds.

At this point all they are doing is raising potential concerns. They aren't saying your child does definitely have autism and you can choose to ignore it but if it were me i would want to monitor it. Id much prefer to be told if someone was concerned it was a possibility and be proactive if that were to be the case in the future. Of course he may grow out of it but that's why it's good to monitor.
Fyi, I lived through school with undiagnosed ADHD and I left school with low self esteem as a result once I began to struggle. I got diagnosed at 18 at uni. It hasn't affected how successful I am at life. The biggest impact on that has been not understanding why I find certain things difficult and beating myself up for years.

Yes even with high funding it doesn’t cover the additional staff they need.

reasonable adjustment yes a diagnosis can make that easier but the poster was saying schools want children labelled for the extra money.

Would be good if that happened as our 35% percentage SEN would help our school not be in deficit

I'm sorry but I think you might be in denial. Why not just go down the assessment route and see what happens? If he is not autistic they will tell you that. If he is, then early intervention is so important. I know it's difficult, believe me I know. But the childcare workers will likely be very fond of your DC and want the best for him. My DC is autistic, has friends, hobbies, is really funny, kind, is now really good at self regulating etc, but only because he had support. He wouldn't have had support without a diagnosis.

Also, autism isn't a moral failing, for you or your child.

Yes this.

i get it can be a difficult pill to swallow. Especially if other people have noted concerns but you seem very offended by it.

He sounds like a free thinker to me, who doesn't enjoy nursery very much. Does he have to go?

It’s literally the complete opposite. If they thought your child was naughty - they’re not going to start suggesting reasons for his behaviour.

There’s no harm following their advice and going through NHS referral for assessment with nursery support . If he’s not autistic, he won’t get a diagnosis. If he is, the earlier you know the better his outcomes.

Yes, they are. He turns to the tone if your voice, not a recognition that it is his name being called. That is a sign of autism. Typical children are social and copy what others are doing. A 3 year old doing their own thing and not joining circle time with the other children is a sign of autism.
Autism isn't a learning disability, him being potty trained is nothing to do with autism.

Nursery raised similar observations over my child when he was the same age, I took it with a pinch of salt at the time, but i think they were on to something. School made a referral (with my support) when he was in reception, but it took 2 years on the waiting list before he saw anyone My child has not been diagnosed with anything (yet), he is 7 now and he is on the schools SEN register and remains under speech and language for struggling with social communication and emotions. He shows some autistic traits, but fairly mild so to someone untrained, they may not notice.

Sometimes people don't see autistic traits because they themselves are autistic/have undiagnosed autistic family members and they see the traits as just normal and don't have anything different to compare it to.

The diagnosis is so important for reasonable adjustments. Ie can wear a polo shirt, bring in fidgets, reduced homework and access to specialist support. The funding is non exsistant sadly even with an EHCP there is not enough funding.