AIBU to stay part-time and cut costs instead of working full-time

Perhaps your dh wants to go pt too? How would you feel about that? Why do you think as an adult that someone owes you the right to work pt?

im not saying he’s right. But you only talk about you and what’s good for you - nothing about what’s good for him or the family

I would much rather be part time with young children, I did the same and have no regrets. I really hate the rushed pace of life that comes with a full day at work and a family to look after. I would have thought that if you make it the same money-wise then it shouldn't matter, although I would have been lost without my car and unable to take my children to after school activites and pick up from friend's houses etc. Also how will you take them out in the holidays if you're the only one there?

Six hours a week is a lot of cleaning, which suggests you might need the help around the house. Is he paying for that and the Gardner because more will fall to him if they aren’t there? If so I think it’s unreasonable to cut them.

I think everyone involved in these sorts of decisions has the right to review the situation periodically. Maybe he thought it was a short-term situation and now it's dragging on a bit. Is going full-time even an option for you at your job?

I think you could cut all those things regardless (except maybe the cleaner, I'd LOVE a cleaner particularly with two young children and a limiting health condition).

Being the breadwinner is hugely stressful so I think he has a right to have a discussion about just how long this will go on. Might be worth some hard figures - what if (A) and (B) and see what the real difference would be.

I work three days and it’s perfect but DH is supportive of that. I did suggest we both do four but he said he’s happy doing five and because I tend to do a lot of the life admin stuff, it makes sense for me to keep my three, so I’m happy with that. But I think it does need to be a mutual decision.

However, if the decision is a financial one and there’s an option to remain PT and keep financial situation similar then I wouldn’t feel obligated to ‘support the local economy’ or whatever spurious argument he suggests.

What’s your personal pension situation? PT not great for that and cutting costs now won’t help in the long term.

DH isn’t U to want to both work FT, or similar hours, if he will do 50% of parenting and domestic work. Including unplanned time off for unwell DC, school holidays etc. (IME this only really works if neither does much work travel or unsocial hours at the office/work site.)

MH is a factor, but not the only one. I would much prefer to work PT for my health but work FT for my earnings now, keeping my job in case of redundancies (when PT I got shit projects) and progression prospects. The money today helps a lot but wasn’t my main driver.

Save more for what? It’s a very fuzzy goal to change your life around.

So who does the day to day chores - laundry, cooking, bed changing, running round after the kids, the cleaning not covered by the cleaner? If you, would he step up & do half if you went full time?

You currently work so already contribute to pension, NI etc.

If you upped your hours to full time and took into account the extra income tax, NI & pension contributions, extra child care costs, increased fuel consumption for the extra 2 days, how much more would you actually be earning?
Would it be worth it financially?
Would you likely suffer from work/life imbalance & burn out if you are already vulnerable to that?

I think you are not being unreasonable- you know what you can and can't cope with while staying on an even keel.
Make the changes you suggest, and see how it works out. You working part time must also help with childcare costs?

Did he say why he’s changed his mind?

How many children and what ages are they?

Yeah this is my logic too, which is why I’m fine with it, he pays his share and anyways he’ll likely earn more than I do soon.

But if we had children etc and wanted to build up savings and so on can’t lie, I probably wouldn’t be fine with it.

What ages are your children ?

Are you really fully prepared to spend one of your days off cleaning and gardening going forward ? What do you do at the moment on your two non working days ? By giving up your car, will this put extra work on your DH in any day ? If you stay PT and give up your cleaner, you can be sure that your DH will do no cleaning himself and will be expecting you to have the house to the same standard as the cleaner.

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If your youngest is about to start school and you’re not paying your half, I think you’re being a bit unreasonable.

Another option might be to downsize or move areas so you don’t need as high a household income?

I work part time, DP would prefer I work full time, but from my perspective if I can pay half our household costs, it’s my choice.

If your marriage broke down or he died or became very ill what would you do?

How old are your children? Why do you have a gardener and cleaner if you could easily give it up and you need to cut costs?

Working PT only works if you’re both okay with your arrangements. If you aren’t, that’s an issue.

DP and I earn about the same but he works PT and can’t lie, sometimes it stings. It’s just jealousy, probably, but to be honest the only reason I’m cool with it is that we don’t have children together etc so I don’t feel super tied if it ever becomes an issue.

I feel like resentment is often undervalued when one works long hours and the other doesn’t, especially if the financial burden falls on the FT worker. Not my case but I know I wouldn’t like it either.