“Too self absorbed to be a mum”

Why is it self-absorbed of OP to have a baby based on her own timeframes rather than MIL’s?

Is it everyone’s bodies you think society should have a say on, or just women of child bearing age?

If you're a size 12, surely you haven't got another 5 stones to lose?

What makes you think that?

I think she said .5 stone. So 7 pounds, not 5 stone! She didn’t shame anyone who use injections. As you said it’s a different set of challenges so I imagine she’s using it to shorthand her challenges.

Well done to you! She has no right to keep on banging on about when or if you are going to have a baby, next time just tell her it’s none of her bloody business. If she thinks you are selfish so what!

Your MIL is really rude. As she is probably angling for grandchildren, just tell her that you've taken her advice on board and your've realised that you are too selfish to have children so she needs to stop asking when she will have grandkids because she won't get any from you.

It doesn't matter if it's not true. If and when you do have children, make sure that you keep them well away from her.

I went up to a 12/14, ok MAYYYYBE a small 16 /around 12 stone as soon as I hit 40, despite not doing anything differently or worse. Good diet and loads of working out. Worked fine up til I was 40.

Nothing, but nothing, would shift this, and believe me I tried, until I took weight loss tablets (Orlistat) in 2024. That kickstarted something in me which exercise and a good diet just could not touch. You have to work bloody hard with zero room for error when on those pills. Any treats and my God you will pay.

Congrats though for doing it without.

As for "vain". No. Now I've lost 3 stone I can see how much more energy I have, and how much better I feel mentally and physically. Why do people always think that taking care of yourself is vanity? Makes me so angry.

I wonder how many blokes pumping iron get harassed by other blokes about whether they’ve had kids yet. Just women tearing each other to shreds over this shit.

God this is all such a load of shit isn’t it. Op you are clearly doing womaning wrong.
My mother goaded me when I was pg with comments like this ‘you won’t be able to wear any make up when you have a baby you know’ and that kind of thing. 17 years later and 2 DDs I do absolutely everything I did for myself that I did before the babies. It’s just veiled misogyny.

MIL is making the assumption youre having kids. Maybe time to change that perception. Nothing is promised, run the plan by DH so hes not blindsided but start dropping comments about child free life being appealing, how nothing taste so go as skinny feels, random dropped comments about how being child free is so liberating... plant the seed that children might NOT be on the horizon.

After all, you dont know what the future brings, nothing better to blast an assumption and put someone back in their lane.

My mil didn't like it when I got super toned and slim

@Larrythecatforpm

how so?

When you are 12-14 it is

It is 100% harder work to lose weight naturally or the jabs wouldn't exist / be so popular.

People should be proud of losing weight naturally it doesn't mean they are shaming people on jabs.

The comment wasn’t a tactless throwaway comment though, was it? It was rude. Why should OP have to give MIL her reproductive schedule?

You've just made clear it was a dig.

Your say your weight loss was 'extremely hard work' so you must think it's not hard work for people who use GLP1. You think it's easy for them, they cheated in a way whereas you the better person worked hard and suffered.

Think of it like giving birth to a child - you tell people you did it unaided, no gas and air, no pethidine, no epidural and so on. You did it by 'hard work' and you're proud of that.

If you go around making sure you tell people you didn't need any intervention because you 'worked hard' you're implying that people who did have some assistance didn't work as hard as you, they cheated or took a short cut or whatever but the message is -you did it better, the real hard way.

It's not anyone projecting anything to say you should look at that attitude and the themes about women that youve absorbed even if unconciously.

Same as saying your weight loss, muscle building, toning etc is so you can be that woman'. What does that mean to you? because when people say that they usually mean 'the woman that men want and other women envy'. The 'better woman' than all those inferior women who don't care about abs or looking 'better' than all the rest.

While you and posters are replying to attack your MIL they're ignoring the sentence when you said your SIL said you wont kids till you've got abs. Which you admitted you've said to people as a joke but also said it was semi-true.

In which case, delaying children until youve achieved your perfect body suggests you are self-absorbed or have a really unhealthy attitude to your body and fitness which could indicate deeper problems.

It seems immature to jump to insulting the MIL just because you didn’t like her comment. I’m sure we’ve all put our foot in it at times.
Sounds to me like MIL is hurt, maybe she’s worried she won’t have time to enjoy her grandkids if it keeps being deferred.
if I were you I’d give her a hug and tell her when you plan to start your family.

In the short time I was married I went nuclear with my MIL when she made personal remarks about myself and my home. I told her to "Eff off back to Esher if she didn't like it." I went no contact after that. I can be a bitch.

I once scared a would be obscene phone caller so badly he rang back to apologise.

As OP was a size 12/14, I would imagine that losing nearly two stone would be a very noticeable weight loss.

So what?
Even if you are, that's fine!
You are under no obligation to reproduce if you dont want to. For any reason.
If you want children and you want to ensure you are as physically healthy as possible before you have children, that's good too.

Tell your MIL to mind her own ovaries.

Well done OP.
I never understand any accepting being insulted by someone and taking it.

She was rude and nasty.
Take huge offence and tell her and your husband until she apologises sincerely, you don't want to see her.

As for having children with a man who would accept his mother treating you like that?
I really wouldn't.
Not worth it.

That nasty cow wouldn't be around any child i had.

You need to bite back hard or this is your future.

Well done. It is bloody hard work losing weight without jabs.

You don't owe her grandchildren. Nothing more needs to be said and she should butt out unless you decide you do want to have a baby and you're ready to share the happy news, if it happens.

But seeing as something like around 30% of women won't have children, it's far from a given to have them or unusual if you don't.

Ohh well guess by her standards i shouldnt have had kids either. I keep slim, hike, worl out at the gym. I also happen to have 3 kids who are fit.and active to because they were set a positive example. I feel its important to stay fit as I have 3 kids to chase after. I can run after them on there scooters to school, Cycle with them etc. They love it. Its not vain to look after yourself.