“Too self absorbed to be a mum”

@JoaNiic

fuck that. It’s none of mil’s business

your MIL is very rude. Next time she asks for grandkids, tell her that she's right, you prefer abs!

(in reality - I have abs and go to gym every day, I am also a mother, you can have both)

Being called vain and self absorbed and not suitable to be a mother to your face is vile. I would have expected your DH to stand up for you and I would not be seeing the MIL this weekend at all, regardless of what the expectations are.

She’s nasty.

Your life - live it the way that you want!
My mil makes unkind / negative comments quite often; sort of hidden behind jokey phrases and giggles. Many people have fallen out with her. She’s now in her 70s and still the same - I think she will die like that tbh; and over the years upon reflection I think it comes from a place of insecurity. I just smile and let it go!

Your mil sounds similar but in this scenario it sounds like she is desperate for grandkids and perhaps cross at waiting! Of course you can do as you like. I would say well done on improving your health & fitness; you are in good shape should you wish to have a baby. That doesn’t have to stop you on your journey - yes it will be a challenge and of course you’d be pregnant but you could continue to stay fit etc during pregnancy. Infact I’d strongly suggest you do - I didn’t and subsequently really injured myself.
Best of luck to you xox

Why? To be kind? To be inclusive? To be generous to her partners mother?

Congratulations on your weight loss so far op. It sounds like you have put a lot of work into it. Absolutely nothing wrong with having goals for your health and well being. Your MIL needs to mind her own business.

Perhaps she should give it to all the posters who can't tell the difference between .5 and 5 stones.

They can't all be sight impaired.

God forbid a woman take care of herself by getting fit and enjoy the way she looks. There will always be someone ready to tear her down and tell her how awful she is for that.

@Broks , your MIL is a jealous cow. You're getting in the best shape of your life and she can't stand it. Tell her that's a mean thing to say and ask her what's her problem straight out. But it's pretty simple. She doesn't like you. She sees you as an incubator for her grandkids and that's your only value to her.

Now, why doesn't your husband shut her down when she says nasty things and always bring up grandkids? Don't see her without him being there if she pulls this shit when you're alone with her. In fact, see a lot less of her. She's an unpleasant woman.

Bring in shape is good for you physically and mentally. It's part of a healthy lifestyle and that's a good thing that can improve your life.

You should have told her to fuck off and asked her to leave. I still remember when i was 18 my dad saying I was too selfish to have children so shouldn't ever bother.

Nearly 40 years and 3 children later that comment still stings.

What she said is disgraceful.

It was nasty. There may be some jealousy at play.

I’ve never been a stalwart at the gym (I prefer snacking) but I admire those who have the discipline

I had a friend who stayed very fit right up to her pregnancy (including abs). She bounced back to her pre-baby figure pretty quickly because of her routine.

First of all, well done! Secondly, thank you for the proof that it can be done. Thirdly, I'd let it go with your MIL.

I don't think it's going to achieve anything if you have go. If she's unpleasant enough to call you self-absorbed to your face like that then she's far too unpleasant to have a moment of clarity and realise you're right, she's wrong, and she must be nice from now on.

I also think there's something else going on. Maybe it's straightforward jealousy. Maybe it's a vague thought that her little boy's wife is doing something for herself. Or maybe it's just a case of seeing you doing things differently from her and instantly feeling the need to claim her way as the True and Right one.

My MIL was like this about literally everything. She even made a moral judgement when I grew lettuce. Yes, LETTUCE.

Me: I'm going to grow some lettuces this year, as well as tomatoes and runner beans.

MIL, with a sniff: Desmond and I were quite content with tomatoes and runner beans.

Translation: "Lettuce? I never grew lettuce. You must therefore think you're better than me. And I must put a stop to that at once by casting you as dreadfully extravagant."

Well done for your incredible weight loss. It must have taken a lot of discipline and hard work, and you should feel proud.

I think it is worth addressing with your MIL, as often these things can build up and cause more resentment further down the line.

perhaps approach it in a tactful way and explain how her comments made you feel without being accusative.

getting to a good weight and being active will help with pregnancy and setting a good example for children.

@LoserWinner

i don’t get your point.

NO woman actually likes the changes that pregnancy bring about, but they do it anyway. Just cos Op isn’t doing cartwheels about the prospect of losing her abs doesn’t mean motherhood isn’t for her if she wants it

Exactly this. I’ve done it both ways. Of course it was easier with WLI, otherwise I wouldn’t have bothered spending £1.5k on them!

I think she’s jealous. The “I won’t have kids till I’ve had abs” thing is a joke, I’ve heard that a load of times and is a good way to brush off nosey people who ask when they’re getting grandkids. Well done on your weight loss OP, it sounds like you’ve worked really hard.

Your body does change after you have kids, but you know that because I’m assuming you have a mother and didn’t just spawn. It’s true that your body does change forever, but you can definitely get fit and healthy again after having kids, it is just harder logistically sometimes. You used to be a 12/14 so you probably have a decent idea of what you could look like post children. You probably won’t be as toned as you are now, so enjoy yourself as you are for a bit and have kids when you feel ready. Simple. :)

Next time she asks about grandkids tell her youre too horribly vain and self absorbed to have them. How dare a mother take care of herself!

I got the fittest I’ve ever been just before my first pregnancy. Loved it: the outfits, the increased energy, the boost in confidence, all of it! I’ve never been and probably will never be that size again and really couldn’t care less. But it probably helped me conceive and also have a healthy pregnancy. So I’d say as long as a changing / changed body wouldn’t upset you, enjoy it and then enjoy being a mum!

I recall that if a woman lost weight in marriage it was seen as a sign that her body was getting ready for pregnancy, the 'saying' was 'a thinning before a thickening'!

Awful thing for MIL to say. She doesn't think it's her right to have grandchildren does she? I would call her on it and ask her to explain herself. Whatever she meant, you do you and get that cracking body.

The OP said .5 stone.

Ah honestly how sensitive can you possibly be, and she said.5 of a stone not 5 stones, so I’d say she’s in fab shape.
OP Iva always worked out a lot and I’m a pretty decent mum if I do say so myself. I learned early on to be selfish about taking time out for myself to exercise and god it made me a lot easier to be around particularly now at 49

What? What point?

.5 stone, not 5 stones.

Why?