“Too self absorbed to be a mum”

Alright judgey. The only thing that annoyed me about the original post was "I've done all the right things". As sometimes fertility doesn't work that way. But that wasn't meant maliciously. Just ignore her. Well done on the weightless!

You misunderstand. I’m not trying to put down the OP, just flagging up the relationship between how one feels about a fit, toned pre-pregnancy body and the realities of pregnancy and post natal bodies. While one person may be happy and proud of what their body has achieved to produce a baby, and be ok with a post baby body, another may look in the mirror and want to cry because they have lost the figure they worked so hard to achieve.

I don't think OP is stupid, she understands that your body will change. But if you were fit before it's easier to get your fitness back postpartum (and pregnancy itself is likely to be easier) . Nothing wrong with trying to be as fit as possible before having kids.

Why? Can't be a mum unless she is overweight? 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

It's quite a significant weight loss if you're already not very big. Obviously the bigger you are the more you can lose and indeed you tend to lose faster when bigger. For a woman of around size 12/14, that amount of weight wouldn't drop off very easily..

Obviously. People like this choose their moments carefully.

Amen.

get real. If it is just as hard using them as not using them, then most people would still be doing it without them.

Conceiving a child is no one else's business in fairness, apart from your DH, but you obviously tell your friends and family your plans so it will invite comments etc.

But I also think it is odd to finally be a perfect situation to conceive, yet suddenly chase the 'perfect' body as a milestone to achieve before children (especially when you've spent your life being a 12/14 and seemingly content with that) only for the pregnancy itself to undo your dream body.. it seems to be the equivalent of "I'll start my diet tomorrow", just a way of postponing something you don't really want to do.

If you don't want children right now that's fair enough, but if you only want them once you've achieved "perfection" than you MIL may have a point.

I agree, 100%. The key thing is that if the OP plans a pregnancy in future, it’s wise to have thought through in advance what impact it will have on the fabulous body she’s spent so much time and energy to acquire. MN has so many posts from people who are thoroughly miserable with their post-baby bodies, and I so feel for their pain.

Your MIL would have been sniping about you because you were formerly over weight. You'll never get it right.
She is basically a catty cow.
Don't bother trying to discuss, she has no right you decide whether you would be a good mother or not, but she is not intelligent enough to understand, that if you are getting a grip on your health & body, it may well be because you want a child to have a caring, healthy, motivated mother.

If she says anything like that again, say “when you make negative comments like that, I feel really upset and angry.” Simple to the point communication without being rude. Hopefully she will apologize, but obviously she may well not.

Is the MIL one of those women who thinks that once you have kids that's your life over and you only ever live for your kids after that?

If so, I am self-absorbed too because I do things for me and did from when ds was pretty small.

So be self absorbed and vain and love it. Tell her you agree and that yes, right now you are living your best life and being ultra selfish, and shut her up. I see nothing wrong.

She's the kind that will be the grandmother from hell. So on top of working out, you need to work on some thicker skin.

Women don't have to let themselves go in order to be good mothers.

I'd say so. It's almost 2 stone.

Sounds to me like MIL is hurt, maybe she’s worried she won’t have time to enjoy her grandkids if it keeps being deferred.
if I were you I’d give her a hug and tell her when you plan to start your family.

Are you for real?? 🤣🤣🤣

Love it lol.

Not that you're not allowed to be self absorbed but it's better for any future children if their mum is fit and healthy. It sets a good example too and probably means that you'll also feed your children healthy foods.

Not sure I understand people defending WLI's and why they insist it's just as hard to lose weight. Surely the point of them is that it's easier to lose weight? Or they wouldn't exist.

Also, your body won't necessarily change that much.

As above, give this some thought OP so you’re prepared.

I do not give a second thought to what my body looks like, but I remember glimpsing myself in the mirror during my first pregnancy and being profoundly shocked and thrown by the changes I saw. Not just abs: breast changes, thicker thighs, prominent veins, pigmentation changes. My second pregnancy wasn’t as bad but yikes, I got a shock.

If your abs are THIS important to you, reconcile yourself to possibly dramatic changes in advance of pregnancy.

Please ignore that utter nonsense. It sounds like you’re going to be an amazing mother when ready. From my own experience, PCOS stole so much of my late 20’s and my confidence. I couldn’t have had a baby even if I wanted (and tried for several years with no success) but especially not without a huge risk to both of us. So I waited. I did use a GLP1 and lost 5 stone in 18 months, got new hobbies and started exercising 3-4 times a week. I felt the very best version of myself, and am now pregnant in my mid-30s. I’m SO happy I lost weight and waited honestly. I cannot imagine being pregnant and uncomfortable at my previous weight. Well done for making these choices. If you do decide to become a mother, you’ve 100% set yourself up for the best pregnancy possible.

It could just be a zen thing of "I got to enjoy having a nice body for a while even if it's only temporary".

I would think after the event is too late to address it but would be on my guard for similar comments and prepare appropriate responses. I think psychologically speaking defending yourself could be seen as losing the argument as you are engaging with something that is not true so I would probably quite calmly agree with the statement 'if looking after myself is self-absorbed, then I suppose I am' ,shrug my shoulders and change the subject.

Just laugh it off. Your womb isn't any of her business. Does she really think that comment will encourage you to have kids? She's clearly desperate for you to do so as she never shuts up about it. Assuming women's only purpose in life is to produce offspring?

Have kids if you want, when you want or don't. Do not allow her idiocy or crass comments to influence you either way.

Why would anyone want to include their MIL in their sex life and reproduction? That's private stuff.

That's beyond enmeshment. Ew.

I hope that was sarcasm. Because ew.