“Too self absorbed to be a mum”

She was lashing out out of meanness. Ignore her. I wish I had been in better shape before my pregnancy as its really hard to get back to normal and it takes enormous toll. The fact shes hinting all the time sounds like shes desperate for grandchildren but you are not her grand baby machine. You do what suits you.

@TheNinkyNonkyIsATardis

if Op works out and gets in good shape now, and then works out in pregnancy and then resumes working out when safe to do so there is no reason why her nice body should only be temporary.

‘I’m losing weight and I want to work out, get fit and really get the body I’ve always wanted. It looks like it’s possible and I’m going to make it happen’.

^He has single minded determination.

‘I’m losing weight and I want to work out, get fit and really get the body I’ve always wanted. It looks like it’s possible and I’m going to make it happen’.

^She’s self-absorbed and self-obsessed

This has to be rage bait? Why say .5 a stone not 0.5 stone or half a stone unless you’re trying to get mistaken reactions?

Anyone who values themself against skinniness and gym abs is in for a rude awakening if they choose to have a child.

Great response!

But that means 50% of people are above 5'4, and for them it wouldnt be overweight. Shows why we shouldnt use sizes to refer to whether somebody is overweight or not.

Try putting 24lbs of tins in a bag and picking it up , it's a lot of weight . So it is a lot of weight to lose .

Should have replied OK I won't have any then

OP, I am not sure why you are so bothered by her opinion. You don't owe her or anyone else you having a child unless you want one. There isn't any point continuing in the debate with her on this topic, as far as I can see, and I can't see the point in falling out about it either. Ignore her. You're happy. That's plenty.

You made me think about your suggestion that you had 'set yourself up for motherhood'. I am not sure this is possible. To be a good mother I think you have to want to do it more than you want to do some other stuff, at least for a while, and then take it as it comes. Babies need time and love but seem to manage really well with huge variety of everything else. Mumsnet might suggest you need a four bed detached house, a degree and plenty of savings but lots of babies grow up very happy without those things.

I also don't think you should be urged into having a baby until you want one, if at all. There's no going back once you do. I also think mothers who have other interests outside of family life are often happier than those who don't so don't feel you have to give up exercise when you have a baby. I didn't, not that my abs are sadly testament to that, and pregnancy certainly didn't help that in any way but once becoming a mother luckily that was not at the top of my list of things to worry about.

One way of preparing for motherhood in your case might be developing the skill of largely ignoring MIL's comments as I suspect she'll be no more diplomatic as a grandmother and yet it would be nice if she had a lovely relationship with your future DC, wouldn't it? Maybe don't go to war with her over this. Win the long game. She might be an ally in future.

@Broks just ignore it, but play Annoying Relative Bingo in your head: tick any stupid remarks off as she says them and then it’s a win 😄

And a massive well done to you on your work 💪🏻

Lots of spiteful jealous people on this thread!!
Well done OP … keep going for as long as you want to, no one else’s business!

6 ft 10 is far taller than average and at 60kg you’d be very slim. A size 12 at 6ft 10 is very different to a size 12 at 5ft 2 for example.
I’m a size 12, 5ft 4 and could definitely do with dropping a 0.5- 1 stone.

I think any weight loss is harder if you’re not very overweight, and it would have been hard for you at size 12-14 even without the PCOS, so congratulations for sticking with it and winning.

It’s a mix of jealousy and entitlement with a bit of misogyny thrown in. She thinks you owe her a grandchild.

As long as you and husband are on the same page that’s all that matters. I’m assuming that if you both actually want children(?), you’re not going to deliberately risk waiting until over 40. Other than that enjoy your new confidence and wardrobe!

Even by MN standards 60 kg at 6'10 is slim (I know there's likely a typo in there somewhere).

But perhaps there are size differences, because there's no way someone as light as 60 kg would be a size 12 unless they were quite short.

Absolutely this^

YANBU. She is obviously jealous and so are the posters who say she has a point. She has no point, it was just nasty and mean-spirited.

But PPs are right when they say that you need to deal with the comments when they are made, not retrospectively. This first one came as a surprise so no bad on you for being stunned into silence. But do take the lesson on board that she might say something like this again and be ready to respond, defend yourself, and tell her to mind her own business. Something like:

First of all, do not speak to me like that, now or ever. Second, my body is my own and I am not wrong to get it in shape both to enjoy wearing clothes that I like and to prepare for a baby in the future. Third, I am going to be an awesome mum and a great - fit and healthy - role model for my kids. End of.

Also, whats wrong with using GLP1s?

What a strange question to ask a woman who simply stated she didn't use them.

Why do you think the OP may think there's something wrong with them?

I think you should just let it go. The nasty responses on this thread should tell you all you need to know that people are jealous / hostile about women who lose weight / are confident in their looks.

Enjoy your new found confidence, i think a 24lb weight loss alongside body recomp (muscle growth) is really impressive.

Why? Because OPwants to be fit and healthy for motherhood instead of being fat for motherhood?

It’s such a shame as for a lot of the boomer generation they were made to feel as though their weight was a critical barometer for success / failure in life.

my MIL always been plump, always on a diet, always hated her body and how she looks. But constantly on at me if I choose a salad or skip a wine or go to the gym. Makes mean comments etc. it’s just jealousy and projection

OP hasn't specified but an average British woman is 5'4'' and can very easily carry extra weight at size 12/14

Then she's being deliberately malicious.

You need to talk to your husband and he needs to be on your side. You need to see her less and he has to be stuck to your side like glue and handle her bullshit unless he wants you to do it and tell him you will be quite direct.

"MIL, that's a mean thing to say. Why would you say that." Every damn time she makes a nasty comment. Or parrot her back to her and ask her if she realizes how that sounds. She asks about grandkids, nunya. None of your business. Your sex life and reproductive life is private. Don't worry about being rude, she's calling you names. Don't lay down for that nastiness.

The less you see her the less she'll be in your head stressing you out. Slow fade. Don't take calls from her. That's her son's job.

Healthy lifestyle is mind as well as body and a woman who sees you as an incubator and calls you awful things isn't going to be a big part of your life, she's a negative influence.

How will your husband be with that?

It's a shame that you didn't respond at the time with a classic "what an odd thing to say".

Women will abs go on to have children.
Having abs doesn't make the abs haver selfish or self absorbed.
Selfish and self-absorbed people have children all the time but that doesn't mean you're one of them.

The MIL needs to be told that what she said was rude.

The SIL and MIL could be reminded that the fitter the woman pre pregnancy, the more prepared she'll be for maintaining a fit and healthy lifestyle during pregnancy and that being physically strong and fit during pregnancy can be helpful for labour and for recovery.

Being fit or thin isn't the most interesting thing about anyone. But it's also not something to be rude about. I don't think anyone should ever comment on when someone will or should have babies though, that's totally up to you.

I wonder, if the OP's
When we had been married for 6 years I recall overhearing what was obviously a discussion about our lack of breeding and my mother told MIL 'Oh, they won't be having children, they're enjoying themselves too much'! I just looked at it as being very funny, it was also true at the time, we were living abroad in the sun and were certainly enjoying ourselves!