“Too self absorbed to be a mum”

🤣

Touché

You may have cats though? Clue's in the name.

Not so sure about pie and chips but a valrhona chocolate mousse is way more sexy than low fat lemon yoghurt as a big break-out treat.

Sorry I just find that level of application to what is ultimately a vanity project (and it is that: you can eat normally and still be a very healthy shape and weight) a bit joyless.

I have PCOS, got my ideal body before pregnancy put 4 stone on in 9 months, and Pgp and gestational diabetes which is more likely with pcos. My son is 7 and whilst I have lost a lot of it, I'm not back to the superfit person I was prior. I had always carried a little extra until I hit the gym really really hard as it sounds like you are, I also had to really restrict calories, fitness was a big part of my life. It's ok to prioritise yourself , but if you are thinking of having DC soon, save your energy for working on your body for after , our bodies are not the kind to just ping back into shape!

Some peoples bodies dont work properly any more and for those people its a medicine they need to get their body working properly again.
Being proud of not needing that is like being proud of not needing to have a knee replacement.
Doesnt mean OP shouldnt be proud of getting fitter and losing weight, but people who dont need GLP1s arent harder workers than those who do. Serena Williams needed them. Pretty sure as a world champion athlete she would know a bit about hard work?

I wonder, if the OP's
When we had been married for 6 years I recall overhearing what was obviously a discussion about our lack of breeding and my mother told MIL 'Oh, they won't be having children, they're enjoying themselves too much'! I just looked at it as being very funny, it was also true at the time, we were living abroad in the sun and were certainly enjoying ourselves!

I seem to have deleted my first sentence! 'I wonder if the OP's reaction would have been different if her mother had said it'?

Try re-reading the OP. Slowly.

Totally off point but I'm a size 12/14 and weigh just over 10 stone at 5'3. If I lost 24 pounds and had another 5 stone to lose I'd probably die.

ETA as suggested below I re- read the post slowly.

There’s absolutely nothing wrong with wanting to have grandkids. That doesn’t mean it defines you as a woman. What an odd inference. You can a very full life with a partner, friends and hobbies but still enjoy being surrounded by everything that’s lovely about small children.

What you can’t do is share that opinion with your children or their partners and least of all put pressure on them or mock them about whether or not they intend to have children.

OP out of my friends many of the ones that are brilliant mothers also take care of their bodies and look fabulous. It’s not either/or. They tend to put their energies into everything they do. That’s not self absorbed that’s just living your best life. Of course you might also not be interested in health and fitness but still put your energies to other things that give you joy and be a great parent.

Out of interest did you tell your husband what they said and how did he react?

@Calliopespa I’m not really talking about the content of the goal, just the different rules about having a goal and putting yourself first to achieve it.

I doubt the MiL would be calling her son self-absorbed if he lowered his sperm count in his tight Lycra gym shorts while in pursuit of his fitness goal!

Exactly. It is harder losing weight the old fashion way. Thats why injections are so miraculous because they make it a lot easier. Which is a great thing for many people- but OP is allowed and should be proud of how hard she’s worked.

Brilliant ha haw. I would use that as a reply OP

This is what I thought too.

Weird that someone would think it was 'rage bait' unless they're already holding in that seething rage because they're not happy with their own body.

In which case it wouldn't take much 'baiting' anyway.

Your DH needs to have a word. She should never speak to you or about you like that and certainly not in your own house. That's unforgivable.

It needs to be addressed or it will continue / escalate.

When you have children is absolutely none of her fucking business, either.

I am one who had two kids and abs. And no I was not self absorbed nor selfish, like you OP I wanted to be at my very best FOR my kids. They are adults now, and neither of them were neglected due to my abs.

If your mother in law finds herself saying ridiculous things like that again remind her that your future kids will only benefit from a fit mum, and it will also mean you are actively investing in your futures health. Not a bad thing at all. But ignore her at the same time, its their issue, not yours.

Jealous!!!

Maybe have a think as to why you are so full of rage about this? I presume the root is jealousy.

But thankfully, petty little comments like this are in the minority on this thread and most people are supporting the OP

@Calliopespa

so, what was so bad about that? If I’ve been indulging recently and want to get healthy back on track but still want something sweet, I would have something like a low fat yogurt. What’s the issue? Would it be more manly if he mainlined a pie and chips or something?

@HumbleStumble

jealous, are we?

Nah, I think plenty of men like that seem self-absorbed. I went out with a guy like that (briefly) and found it massively off-putting. The utter ick moment was when he said he if he falls off his dietary regime, he goes for a low-fat lemon yogurt. I just thought nope.

And you sound very jealous 🤷🏼‍♀️

Yeah I think there must be size differences. Im always suprised when I see people refer to it as being larger.

She sounds lovely. I bet you just can't wait to have children who can benefit from a warm and loving relationship with such a kind, pleasant woman. Her behaviour must really inspire you to become a mother so that you can end up just like her!

@MyMiniMetro

why? I know plenty of women who look after themselves and work to getting abs who are great mothers? Why do the two have to be mutually exclusive? Or are you one of those misogynists who think a woman shouldnt care about herself in any way when she becomes a mum? that she should literally exist a vessel to support others

I think this is more where the balance lies op.

In truth, you are being a bit self-absorbed: your posts more or less attest to that.

BUT so what? You AREN'T a mum yet, so why not.

I do think your MIL has a point to some degree that once babies come, life is busy, there is a lot to juggle and at that point, being brutally honest, the mums I know who prioritise their abs are often a bit on the wrong side of the balance. Note I said prioritise, not just "have decent abs."