“Too self absorbed to be a mum”

In assertiveness training we always say, it’s never too late to address a difficult issue. So the people saying you didn’t address it at the time and now it’s too late are wrong.
you would say something like
‘name, i’ve been thinking about something you said last time we spoke, and it really upset me. I felt hurt and criticised. Please don’t say anything like that again.’

you don’t have to get into an argument. You don’t have to have a huge conversation about it. You don’t have to defend yourself. You just make the statement and let it drop.

She wants to lose another half of a stone, not 5 stone.

Also anyone who’s ever dieted knows losing weight is far harder without WLIs than with. Going without food you’d like to eat using willpower is a world away from having no appetite. That’s precisely why most people use WLIs. OP is allowed to state this fact as it highlights how hard she is working and how withering her MILs disregard of this is.

She’s a bitch.
How dare she?
You don’t owe anyone children or grandchildren.
Your body is yours to enjoy and live in as you like.

How satisfying it would be to say something like “Weird that being vain and self-absorbed disqualifies from motherhood when being a spiteful cow obviously doesn’t?”

However, don’t bring it up again. I would avoid seeing the old bat as much as possible, but when you unavoidably do, just Rise above.

How so? The OP has lost weight and upped her fitness levels, she has a goal she wants to achieve before she has children. She obviously feels the time to have a baby just now isn’t the right time for her. Good on her.

Unbelievable that 25% think YABU for wanting to get fit and only have children when you choose. Could it be they are chubby mummies who are jealous of your goals and your determination?

If anyone thinks this is self-absorbed then just replace 'don't want to TTC until I've got to my perfect weight/size' with 'don't want to TTC until I've got the promotion'. It's the same, but people place different values on looks vs career. Both are things we largely do for ourselves, our self-esteem, our sense of self, so what?

And frankly of course everyone is self-absorbed before they have kids? Why the hell would I get up at 5am every day for 6 years straight to look after a human being if I hadn't had kids?! The whole point of having kids is that you have to put them before you. Which sort of implies that until you do have them, you get to put yourself first...

(Also, your DH needs to tell your MIL to butt out re 'when are you going to have kids' comments. My DH had to do this when MIL was 'lightheartedly' nagging about grandkids and we'd already spent a year unsuccessfully TTC.)

Yes, or tell her that having a strong core is highly recommended in pregnancy and for post partum health.

Keep at it, OP. I admire your passion for getting fit and strong.

She said .5 so half a stone.

Wow! MIL got here quick

MIL sounds bitchy and judgemental. Are women meant to give up exercise and looking after themselves when they have children?! I haven’t. If your husband hasn’t had a word with his mother then in your shoes l definitely would

No she hasn't. She's being an utter arse.

It's actually such a good idea to get superfit before getting pregnant. I had an incredibly strong core back then, and it meant I had no backache at all throughout pregnancy. Nor a saggy belly afterwards. (That came later ) And my arms were strong enough to have a baby in one hand, a toddler in the other, with no danger of dropping either of them.

All that you have discovered from that conversation is that she can be spiteful about you.

Well done on your weight loss. I think your fitness goals are great and you will have a much healthier pregnancy if you start off fit and strong. It’s your body and your life. Next time she comments either rise above and ignore or tell her she’s being rude and you’ll have children when you are ready.

Who else should you be absorbed in if not yourself?

Do what you like, and you don't need to respond to any of those comments with anything other than a wry smile, a puzzled face, or a roar of laughter. It's really nor worth giving it oxygen.

Hope your DH is also on a health tip. It will make TTC much easier ;)

Uh..no she doesn’t. Its phenomenally rude and not true at all.

If you felt shamed by OP's mention of GLP1's, that's very much your own insecurity. And from my decades of experience in trying to lose/maintain weight, it very much is easier using them.

Back to the point OP, I don't think you're being selfish or indeed too selfish to be a mother, but even if you were, so what?!?! When it comes to your own body, be as bloody selfish as you like. Your sole purpose on this planet is not to make a woman who happens to be related to your husband, a grandparent.

You go get you that 6 pack!

I don't automatically think OP was shaming anyone who uses GLP1 because I think shaming is a very over-used term.

But there is tonnes of discourse on SM and in society about the use of GLP1. About how it is 'cheating' so anyone using them to successfully lose weight is immediately coming up against the attitudes of 'did you use GLP1? or do it the right way? the harder way, the way where you're not cheating?

Anyone using GLP1 is then automatically excluded from really celebrating their weight loss.

So whether OP intended to or not, her even mentioning she didn't use GLP1s means she's absorbed all those messages and is her saying she did it the 'hard way' ie the right way.

And i'm a size 14 BTW, not a very overweight person, wouldn't use GLP1. I've just seen the toxic attitudes since Ozempic became a 'thing' that celebs were using a few years ago.

well done op. It’s great you’re feeling good about yourself but don’t let your mil control your emotions. Think of neutral responses to say next time she makes comments like that because people like her always do.
Not caring about what she says will annoying her more than provoking a reaction.

😂 Oh thanks. I really thought Avery Heroine was the name of some character. 🤣 If it isn't, it should be.

It'll be good for any pregnancy and future babies to have a healthy body to grow in and a fit mum to run around after them. Just tell her that next time she has any comments to make.

No, but then 'narcissism' as used on here is a bit of women's magazine pop psychology. Your obsession with a 'dream bod' also has fuck all to do with parenting. It's like saying you're not going to try to conceive until you've grown your hair to bra strap level or improved your teeth or something.

She's not allowed chips

Well done OP...if it were me, I'd show off even more when MIl came over, dress fabulously and piss her off even more. She's a jealous cow

I also suggest that next time, instead of being a rude b that you learn to read 😊

if you need to lose 5 stone

She said .5 stone, not 5 stone. Did you never learn decimals at school?

If not, you need to know that .5 stone is half a stone, not 5 stone.

She also didn't shame anyone for using weight loss jabs. And for most people, it absolutely IS harder work not using them - that's precisely why people who have struggled to lose weight all their lives find GLP1 to be a game-changer. There's nothing remotely shaming about acknowledging that. It's harder to lose weight without GLP1s in the same way it's harder to get through a dose of flu without paracetamol; it's not shaming anybody to acknowledge that.