“Too self absorbed to be a mum”

yes, totally this

Why shouldn't she be proud of losing weight without jabs? It's really hard.
I know i have lost 25 lbs over the past 30 months and it has been painfully slow.

As you get older it is really hard.

OP has edited her post, but was clearly proud of doing it without injections. Nothing wrong with that, but also nothing wrong with doing it with injections.

I mentioned some people need them for health reasons and was piled onto and told people use injections as they cant be bothered putting in the effort / work etc. Well I sure hope those people dont get to where I am (post menopausal, thyroid issues) and suddenly find like me that literally nothing works even 2 hours of exercise a day because your HRT counters all the good work, but you cant sleep without it and you need to sleep to function at work. I have barely changed diet or exercise and lost a lot, so its clearly a blood sugar function type issue - eg medical, not laziness.

I could lose weight without injections if I was OPs age and hadnt had 4 kids, but Im not. Sick to death of pileons from people who honestly dont have a clue.

You're taking it way too personally.

Well, there's no other way to take a comment like 'You're too self-absorbed to be a mum', is there? She's taking it personally because it literally is personal. A very deliberate, personal insult attacking her personality and suitability as a parent.

As pre teen read the Hornblower books. In one of them (Last Chance?) Hornblower declines to shoot an nasty piece of work because he was “not worth the powder”.

Its been my favourite description ever since for people who behave like this. She is not worth your powder or a second of headspace. Well done on your achievements. Any plans you may or may not have for children are precisely none of her business and if its persistent DH should tell her to wind her neck in. Ignore her, enjoy your life - its the best response.

People (in-laws and it turns out randoms on the internet) incredibly and incorrectly think they have a right to discuss, comment or influence womens body autonomy. Whether a woman is dieting, overweight, lifts weights, runs marathons, eats McDonald's every day, is planning to have 6 kids, never wants children, wants to use a sperm donor, uses contraception etc. Is no ones business or choice but hers.
If you're not harming anyone you go right ahead and do what the fuck you want. You're not a grandchild making machine (which is i suspect is where the anger comes from. If so she needs a hobby).
Honestly..... I'm impressed if you can hold your tongue this weekend. Next time try and address it factually in the moment. "That was rude and uncalled for". "I'll decide when and if i have children", "i will decide what my life priorities are and i don't appreciate being judged for having completely normal goals".
Best of luck.

exactly! Do some people think a prerequisite to becoming a mother is to not give a shit what you look like or care about your health?!

cos I don’t know ANY mothers who fit that bill!

I was wondering if the OP would have reacted in the same way had the comment from her mother rather than MIL, I think I managed to delete that part of my post! People seem far more sensitive to comments from their MIL than from their mother.

I haven’t read the whole thread but what a nasty comment from her.

And if women have to not care what they look like or about their health in order to be a mum then there aren’t many women out there who will qualify. It’s fine and indeed best for your future kids to want to be a healthy weight and have some muscle.

I suppose the only issue is if you’re already 38 let’s say and your quest for abs is going to eat into your remaining fertile window. I don’t think that justifies MIL comment though.

So sick of the nasty spiteful people on here who cant possible accept that anyone has a different experience to them but rather than opening their tiny closed minds, choose to mock them.

Good for you? Some people do have medical problems. I am one of them.
'The good old fashioned way' 🙄 does not work for me, although it did prior to my thyroid and hormone issues. I was 'slim' for many years until my body DID become broken.
You dont get to speak on behalf of others.

Take no notice of her OP. I made sure I was in the best shape of my life before I had children and got in shape again after having them. My partner was/is perfectly capable of looking after his own children whilst I work out and have time for myself. I found working out is great for my mental health and I like to look fit and toned.

My SIL was a little overweight before she had children and is now a few stone overweight.

Neither of us please our MIL, despite both being good mothers, good partners to her sons, working hard, being good people etc.

Even as women, we are allowed to think of ourselves, despite having children. I know, wild right? I think that actually, it’s a great lesson to teach our kids, that although we love them more than anything, we are still people too, with needs and wants.

Bizarre people can’t read properly. Especially given that in context, no one size 12 needs to lose 5 stone.

Anyway, YANBU to be fed up with MIL, but I wouldn’t address her latest comment now, just have a few ripostes mapped out you can throw out there if/when she does it again. I can’t believe people still think it’s okay to nag a grown woman about having children, especially when you have PCOS. Your fertility is none of her business.

plus, it's generally not recommended to start with intense exercise when pregnant, but it is fine to continue with what you are used to. Exercising while pregnant has a long list of benefits for both mum and baby.
So MIL and SIL are not only rude but also ignorant.

Given the presence of the decimal point and the context of the post, surely you could deduce that it must be 0.5 rather than 5, though? As you rightly pointed out, wanting to lose 5 stone at a size 12 would be nonsensical, whereas wanting to lose half a stone at a size 12 would be fairly normal?

Well, literate and numerate people can still spot them, even without a preceding digit ;-)

Thanks. I am actually doing it for my health really. I have never really been into exercise but I’ve been naturally very slim all
my life. Then I broke my ankle earlier this year. I had a DEXA scan which showed low
bone density. So I decided I need to do something about it, hence the weights. But having nicer looking arms would be a bonus, I can’t lie!

If I’m honest becoming fitter and building lean body mass will 1/ make you healthier (resistance training is starting to be seen as a longevity thing) 2/ set you up for better bone density 3/ give you more confidence to help be a better mum (combat low mood, post natal issues etc) 4/ make you actually more resilient to bugs etc - babies and toddlers catch everything and then so do you.

So no I think it’s very sensible.

better c section recovery if you end up having one.

that's normal, building muscle is hard! I always roll my eyes when people are worried about accidentally getting too muscular - Bodybuilding Federation would like to have a word with you, if that really happens.
Resistance Training in Women: A Systematic Review and Meta-analysis of Muscle Hypertrophy found that after 15 weeks of strenght training, average muscle gain in women was just 1.5 kilos. So give it time but don't give up - it will make a massive difference both to your looks but also health.

Yes but they usually come after a 0 or another number when numerate people use them. Otherwise they look like a typo.

Have you heard of decimal points?

With the climate emergency we’ll be facing in 10 years, I’d crack on with what you enjoy and not even consider children. Not your MILs business quite frankly. No one owes parents grandchildren.

Typical MIL behaviour. Wtf is wrong with these people

How did you do it OP?

I'd love a more toned tummy

Hi @Tigercat14 I think you should start a separate post for this so you get helpful responses. Don't worry, it's a very easy mistake to make.