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partner keeps saying he’s “fine” because he got someone pregnant before + I feel blamed

157 replies

Airyfairy500 · 30/06/2026 09:50

We’ve been trying for a baby for around a year with no success. I already have a child from a previous relationship.

I’ve had a scan suggesting possible endometriosis on one ovary. My GP has said my partner needs a semen analysis before they’ll investigate me further. He’s agreed, but keeps brushing it off and making comments that are really upsetting me.

He says he got someone pregnant years ago during a “pregnancy scare” (she had an early abortion), so his sperm is obviously fine. He also said things besides this recent matter that his dad conceived quickly so he must have “good sperm”, and that his younger brother is trying for a baby so we need to “hurry up”. Although he’s not saying it to be mean it feels like he’s brushing things of like something that can just be done.

I got a bit defensive and argued well I’ve had a child. The rest of it I didn’t verbalise it but I said it in my head as it was mean. The thing I thought was how did you even know it was yours if you wasn’t with the girl.

I don’t think he means harm, but I’m really struggling. I feel like he’s dismissing everything on the basis of “I got someone pregnant before” and as I am doing investigations for endometriosis I’m the clear reason. Overall it’s all starting to affect me.

OP posts:
BMW58 · 30/06/2026 10:51

He sounds like an utter numpty. I don't think his genetic material should be passed on!

TottenhamCake · 30/06/2026 10:50

He’s being an ignorant prick. I wouldn’t bother honestly.

RitaFires · 30/06/2026 10:50

Fertility tests are very stressful so it's understandable that he doesn't want to think about if the result comes back and shows problems and is just burying his head in the sand. It's a shame he can't open up to you and share his concerns, or at least show more concern for how you're feeling because you should be in this together.

TallulahBetty · 30/06/2026 10:49

Poor baby - this sounds an awful environment to bring one into.

Rubyslipperswitch · 30/06/2026 10:48

My question is why are you even considering having a child with such a fool?

He is not father material.

StationJack · 30/06/2026 10:47

He sounds dreadful.

nochance17 · 30/06/2026 10:46

He sounds immature. He’s deflecting and does not seem like a supportive partner who is with you on this journey. Why does he want one is it because his brother is TTC. He doesn’t sound like he’d be a very hands on partner/father.

godmum56 · 30/06/2026 10:46

Airyfairy500 · 30/06/2026 10:43

@SilenceInside i mean as in he said he will do it but is brushing off what is actually going on. Like he will do the test but feels like he’s implying it’s fine anyways as “his sperm is working”

so has he booked it?

nomas · 30/06/2026 10:46

He sounds a bit of a knob. What are his good qualities? Is he involved with the care for your child?

SilenceInside · 30/06/2026 10:46

If he's arranged the test and will go through with it, I would just not engage in any discussion about it until you get the test results. Is he likely to be unpleasant to you if it turns out that there is nothing shown as in issue in the test results?

godmum56 · 30/06/2026 10:45

Airyfairy500 · 30/06/2026 10:04

He wants a baby he brought the conversation up for and we both agreed to try. His response to having a child is very basic as if it just happens which is not the case. I genuinely believe he will be a good dad it’s just the fact that because the fertility checks are not happening to him he’s looking at it like. He’s done it before so it should be fine on his side. This is why I’m upset because it clearly doesn’t just happen with a click

oh the good dad thing........he doesn't sound like he would be, or in fact is being, a good partner because good partners don't just brush their partner off......I am sorry that you are having to go through this, but better to know now.

Peachykeenjosephine · 30/06/2026 10:45

I'd have had to ask him was he sure it was his, but I'm mean and petty if someone is being an arse to me

Thisisthewayofit · 30/06/2026 10:44

MrsPapillon · 30/06/2026 10:18

I had difficulty conceiving DC2, and so we made an appointment with my GP who told me “There’s nothing wrong with (ExH’s) sperm, he’s already proved himself”. Same misogynistic attitude but from a doctor!

Bloody hell! What did you say?

Airyfairy500 · 30/06/2026 10:44

Cheese55 · 30/06/2026 10:40

We all spent our 20's heavily drinking. What do you mean, its caught up with him

@Cheese55 as in he’s seeing the doctor as he’s having health issues

OP posts:
Seagulldancing · 30/06/2026 10:44

A cousin of mine had secondary fertility issues. After years of investigation and surgery and drugs and failure and heartbreak, her H finally had a sperm test which showed major issues. His nerves about a simple test were more important to him than putting her through years of misery.

Airyfairy500 · 30/06/2026 10:43

@SilenceInside i mean as in he said he will do it but is brushing off what is actually going on. Like he will do the test but feels like he’s implying it’s fine anyways as “his sperm is working”

OP posts:
Thisisthewayofit · 30/06/2026 10:43

Airyfairy500 · 30/06/2026 10:11

@MrsShawnHatosy for his lifestyle he spent his 20s regularly heavy drinking on the weekend and not eating very well but now he doesn’t drink and that lifestyle has caught up with him. he tries to eat better now as his doctor said he’s not young like he used to be and it will effect him.

I’ve know him for years so I know he’s a good guy and we don’t have a toxic relationship. It’s just this situation with reproduction he just doesn’t get it. He just thinks it’s simple he thinks it’s something easy to do and sort

“I’ve known him for years and he’s a good guy” sounds like you’re describing a mate.

PashaMinaMio · 30/06/2026 10:42

ladyofshertonabbas · 30/06/2026 10:00

I don’t think he wants a child, sorry. Please don’t have one with him.

It’s not what he’s saying, it’s what he isn’t saying.
Read between the lines OP.
He’s not keen on more kids but is too gutless to admit it.
Time to make a plan ….

Hellohelga · 30/06/2026 10:42

An ex drinker who eats junk, isnt that young or that healthy. Something tells me you’ll be doing all the work with this child if you do have one.

Surfindreams · 30/06/2026 10:42

Userexcuser · 30/06/2026 09:54

I think it's a sign he's probably not the man to have a baby with.

This.

Cheese55 · 30/06/2026 10:40

Airyfairy500 · 30/06/2026 10:11

@MrsShawnHatosy for his lifestyle he spent his 20s regularly heavy drinking on the weekend and not eating very well but now he doesn’t drink and that lifestyle has caught up with him. he tries to eat better now as his doctor said he’s not young like he used to be and it will effect him.

I’ve know him for years so I know he’s a good guy and we don’t have a toxic relationship. It’s just this situation with reproduction he just doesn’t get it. He just thinks it’s simple he thinks it’s something easy to do and sort

We all spent our 20's heavily drinking. What do you mean, its caught up with him

shhblackbag · 30/06/2026 10:39

You really sure you want to have a kid with someone that dim?

SilenceInside · 30/06/2026 10:29

But you said he keeps brushing the test off? So he said he'd be ok to do it, but in reality isn't getting round to organising it? Or is that not the case?

deeahgwitch · 30/06/2026 10:28

BestZebbie · 30/06/2026 10:26

Does he understand that you'll be using the same system you previously used succesfully to have a child but he will be using a totally different batch of sperm that he has only just produced?

Love it 😀

ThatCyanCat · 30/06/2026 10:27

He's insensitive and not very bright, and these things don't tend to disappear when children arrive. They get worse.

I wouldn't have a child with him.