partner keeps saying he’s “fine” because he got someone pregnant before + I feel blamed

Basically he is scared to get his sperm tested cause he is worried that it is his "fault". That would be emasculating for him. Instead of working through his feelings he is bringing up past pregnancy as a proof that he is a real man and comes from a generation of real men. I think he is doing it to concvince himself. Otherwise he would just go get himself tested.

You both have the right to be upset and emotional. Sadly, we live in a society that has quite a lot of toxic issues around both men and women.
Men have to be virile. They can't talk about emotions or feelings. It's ok for women to talk about this fertility stuff-not for men!
It's easy to say the right answer. Of course he should get checked, and of course he shouldn't be saying this stuff!
But cut him, and yourself, a lot of slack right now. Talk to him about this. He absoloutely can be a great dad and partner, but to do so, he needs to sideline these old attitudes for both of your sakes.

I agree she shouldn’t have a child with him - he sounds a complete arse. But I don’t think it’s so much that he doesn’t want a child - more that he’s avoiding the testing because his male ego can’t accept that he might be the one with the problem.

Maybe you should use that fact as a retort next time he mentions his fertility again. Let him feel how hurtful his words have been for you. I don’t usually think that sinking ti the other person’s level is the way to go, but he seems to deserve if.

He’s being a bit thick. The first step of any fertility treatment is a sperm test. It’s far easier, less evasive and cheap for the NHS to carry out than investigations on a woman.

He literally has to get a sample pot from the doctor’s, wank in it and hand it back. If you want fertility treatment on the NHS which runs in to thousands saying ‘I’m fine, I got a bird pregnant years ago and she aborted it’ doesn’t really cut it.

If you expect IVF, you need to investigate why you need it.

Hes not trying though is he.
He is:
Doing the bare minimum
Shifting the responsibility into you
Comparing you and him

None of these echo working as a team, loyalty, trust and respect.

Id have the ick. Do not have a baby with someone who cannot be arsed to show up for you in something like this

It’s very easy to play dad to some else’s child, when you know that the responsibility ultimately doesn’t lay with you. And it’s very easy to say you want a child. He’s cracked those bits. Now anything that’s a bit difficult or not nice to think about, and he’s pushing it out the way and doesn’t want to deal with it.

I think you’ll regret having a child with this man.

Sperm quality changes. I knew someone who got pregnant immediately with her husband. By the time they were trying for a second baby and it wasn’t working, when they got tested he was the problem - low sperm quality, count and effectiveness/speed! So it changes…

She knew/she listened to her peers/she posted on here 😳.

How old are you both OP?

I wonder what happened to the other woman with whom he conceived a child?

Please listen to everyone on this thread and dump him. At the very least, don’t have a baby with him. If not, guaranteed you will be back here in one year posting “8 months pregnant and no support from DP”, “DP won’t do any night feeds” etc etc

So he's a bit stupid, quite thoughtless, wants a child to "beat his brother to it" and is unwell...he sounds perfect to have a kid with

I really don't think this man wants to be a father. It would probably be best all round if he doesn't become one.

If you still TTC knowing all this and it goes tits up, that's on you.

He's made it very clear he already thinks this is all your responsibility. As the baby will be too. When people show you who they are, believe them.

But seriously women need to stop (deliberately) having babies unmarried. It's such a risk. And the man doesn't respect you. No decent man suggests kids before marriage. It's a con to trap you whilst keeping their freedom. Don't let men disrespect and use you like that.

Men are taught early on just like us. They know they are taking the piss all too well to suggest kids before marriage. If a guy did that to me he'd be out on his arse. It's really insulting op. He thinks you're a fool.

(Again, disclaimer again, unless he's told you from day one he is and always will be anti marriage or you feel that way).

My partner had to have his sperm tested as he had cancer as a child. He booked it sorted it all himself in his early twenties. It was important to him he wanted children. He researched did the antenatal group knew everything. At every decision he was right there on the same page with me.
We took over a year to conceive our second not once did he blame me or get frustrated with me. He supported me 100%
He even helped delivered our 3rd because the midwives didn't arrive in time. Men who want children show it in their actions. It's clear to see and you can feel it.

Some men want a baby the same way a child wants a puppy. I wouldn't have a baby with your partner op I'm sorry but he isn't a good partner and that's the first step to remotely being a good dad.

This man doesn't want to be a parent he just wants to flaunt his virility.
I hope you don't have a baby with him op, he's already starting to be abusive, he'll get worse once you're pregnant and worse again once the baby is here.
I really hope you're able to take heed of what the other posters and I are trying to communicate to you.

It might be some anxiety on his part and burying his head in the sand a bit of what if there is an issue somewhere and what does that mean. No news is good news but if we do tests and there’s a problem what happens next. I’d be tracking ovulation etc and if nothing happens for a bit just tell him how the sooner you start any process the better.

I can't disagree with this.

Oh HE proposed the child did he? Why am I not surprised.

Notice he hasn't even got a ring on your finger and he's got the cheek to suggest you take all the risks of pregnancy.

That, is not a good guy op. That's a selfish bastard who wants you trapped but with zero commitment from him.

Unless there's some solid reason like you are very anti marriage. Or, he has told you from day one he wasn't interested in marrying.

It's definitely something to think about OP - I fear he has the kind of mindset that would refuse to accept a child of his could be gay, that kind of thing. I can't with illogical people.

Are you sure you want to have a baby with someone with limited intelligence?

Well it's simple really. If he is serious about wanting a baby then he needs to go for the sperm test. They aren't going to progress with any more test on you until he's done it. That's really all there is to say on the matter. He's behaving like a petulant child who doesn't really want a baby.

whos to say he did get someone preg, they could have been having an affair and she told him he was the dad ?