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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU to think the new school WhatsApp mum is overstepping?

310 replies

Susan716 · 30/06/2026 06:40

Really weird incident happened my my daughters new school so I wanted some insight and reassurance it’s not a sign of things to come:

We have a WhatsApp group set up from an event in May where all parents are already in and not much activity apart from “did everyone get their forms in” type questions and “does anyone know what clubs the school does” it’s all very casual and parents with older children already at the school have been helpful.

yesterday we found out the form classes our children are in and we met our form teacher in person. Someone in main chat suggested this is a good time to create sub groups for forms and people started posting for example if you are in 7Xyz then join the group. All very friendly and nice till this mum let’s call her Q started ranting and saying “please everyone be patient, when I get home I will sort out” others just questioned that we’re here in person now so easier to set up but her response got very annoyed and said I said be patient. No one else responded on there so I assumed everyone okay with it. I wasn’t bothered right then and thought let her crack on if she wants to take the lead.

after a few hours she created a new community and then sub communities so the new main one for whole of year 7 and then 6 for the forms. She then asked a rep for each form and gave them admin rights, herself too being an admin in EACH form class! She then made it so the community couldn’t post in the main one but had to go though the class admin each time, so I couldn’t just post in the main one I would have to go through my rep who would then post on my behalf!

she then wanted us all to prove we were who we were saying by taking a picture of the name sticker we were given at the event yesterday which has our name, child’s name and form class. I’ll be honest I binned mine and didn’t keep. I was feeling very uncomfortable with all this especially as she kept shouting people down who questioned what she was saying.

I already know 2 mums there as our kids in same primary school so I messaged them and asked what they felt about it all - they just responded vaguely snd not much bother so I thought okay most people don’t care.

Another mum spoke up who I don’t know and questioned why she’s an admin of every sub tutor group when her child is only in one to which lots of people responded saying yes why plus why we can’t post in the main group for all year 7’s. She didn’t do in the way I’m explaining it was more being really nice to her type questioning like she’s scared of her. Q still got upset and said she said she was just trying to help. But I feel it was all rather crazy and wasting everyone’s time. She’s not in my form group thank God. Is this a sign of things to come? DD is my eldest and we’ve had WhatsApp groups in primary but not to this level of craziness! I should avoid Q at all costs and pray our kids don’t become friends yes?

it all feels really bizarre to me like why do all that when it was actually quite simple to do and she made it a million times more complex. Plus why did everyone just go along with it for so long and start posting pictures of their name tags? It’s like one person who I didn’t meet or know suddenly became our leader and everyone went with it. Only when sub group reps realised how much work it will be for them to get each member plus be the go between did one speak up and then it was just really nicey nicey. I really wanted to post how crazy it was but DH stopped me and said don’t do it.

OP posts:
Hankunamatata · 30/06/2026 16:03

I get the community and different form groups. Dont get why for seocndary. Fine she made herself admin. Very weird that she wont let anyone post in their own form groups

I get a bit of it. Iv seen many primary class parents what's app groups turn very toxic unless admin keeps tight hold.

Justusethebloodyphone · 30/06/2026 15:59

WhatsApp groups in secondary are ridiculous. Everyone needs to take a step back and let their children take the lead and learn some responsibility like they did pre social media.

If you have an issue, take it up with the school, No need to rant and rave and try and rally support.

Tryingtokeepgoing · 30/06/2026 15:56

I think I'd be temepted to leave a long voice note in every group I had access to, saying goodbye. As we know everyone loves a long voicenote 😂

Sparklelife · 30/06/2026 15:54

Susan716 · 30/06/2026 06:40

Really weird incident happened my my daughters new school so I wanted some insight and reassurance it’s not a sign of things to come:

We have a WhatsApp group set up from an event in May where all parents are already in and not much activity apart from “did everyone get their forms in” type questions and “does anyone know what clubs the school does” it’s all very casual and parents with older children already at the school have been helpful.

yesterday we found out the form classes our children are in and we met our form teacher in person. Someone in main chat suggested this is a good time to create sub groups for forms and people started posting for example if you are in 7Xyz then join the group. All very friendly and nice till this mum let’s call her Q started ranting and saying “please everyone be patient, when I get home I will sort out” others just questioned that we’re here in person now so easier to set up but her response got very annoyed and said I said be patient. No one else responded on there so I assumed everyone okay with it. I wasn’t bothered right then and thought let her crack on if she wants to take the lead.

after a few hours she created a new community and then sub communities so the new main one for whole of year 7 and then 6 for the forms. She then asked a rep for each form and gave them admin rights, herself too being an admin in EACH form class! She then made it so the community couldn’t post in the main one but had to go though the class admin each time, so I couldn’t just post in the main one I would have to go through my rep who would then post on my behalf!

she then wanted us all to prove we were who we were saying by taking a picture of the name sticker we were given at the event yesterday which has our name, child’s name and form class. I’ll be honest I binned mine and didn’t keep. I was feeling very uncomfortable with all this especially as she kept shouting people down who questioned what she was saying.

I already know 2 mums there as our kids in same primary school so I messaged them and asked what they felt about it all - they just responded vaguely snd not much bother so I thought okay most people don’t care.

Another mum spoke up who I don’t know and questioned why she’s an admin of every sub tutor group when her child is only in one to which lots of people responded saying yes why plus why we can’t post in the main group for all year 7’s. She didn’t do in the way I’m explaining it was more being really nice to her type questioning like she’s scared of her. Q still got upset and said she said she was just trying to help. But I feel it was all rather crazy and wasting everyone’s time. She’s not in my form group thank God. Is this a sign of things to come? DD is my eldest and we’ve had WhatsApp groups in primary but not to this level of craziness! I should avoid Q at all costs and pray our kids don’t become friends yes?

it all feels really bizarre to me like why do all that when it was actually quite simple to do and she made it a million times more complex. Plus why did everyone just go along with it for so long and start posting pictures of their name tags? It’s like one person who I didn’t meet or know suddenly became our leader and everyone went with it. Only when sub group reps realised how much work it will be for them to get each member plus be the go between did one speak up and then it was just really nicey nicey. I really wanted to post how crazy it was but DH stopped me and said don’t do it.

Never had a Secondary WhatsApp group - there were FB groups for the new intake originally, but the use of those fizzled out pretty quickly. I'd hazard a guess that Q has no idea what the transition from Primary to Secondary is like - tbh, I'd want no part of groups like that and would be removing myself.......you'll get any/all info you need direct from school anyway!

Stoneangel · 30/06/2026 15:53

These silly groups are not official school comms and are just an excuse for people to act as little Hitler or to moan to other parents. Delete the groups and communicate either with 1 other parent you know well or contact the school directly

ERthree · 30/06/2026 15:51

Bloody hell, these Whatsapp groups for everything are ridiculous and cause way too much drama. Too many parent's involved in each other's business, that is how trouble starts and falling's out happens.

Lizchapman · 30/06/2026 15:42

When I was at secondary school ( ok it was a long time ago) my parents had absolutely no idea who the other students were far less their parents. It would never have occurred to them to interact with other parents 😂😂😂😂😂

igelkott2026 · 30/06/2026 15:39

Nowthatshuge · 30/06/2026 06:43

Crikey, if I was you I’d just make another group with everyone in casually and crack on as you were before
there’s no need to have form groups anyhow??

This! Just come out of the "official" group and delete it, and then have your own without Meddling Mum.

BeWittyRobin · 30/06/2026 15:36

WhatsApp groups in my opinion is just asking for drama. I wouldn’t join a whatapp group with parents unless we were actually friends ourselves and wouldn’t be for the kids haha. Honestly there is just no need especially at secondary school age. Personally I say run for the hills and don’t look back. Parent involvement in secondary school is minimal tbh, it’s quite a refreshing time 🤣 xx

SezFrankly · 30/06/2026 15:35

She clearly has nothing to occupy her mind 😂
Seems very complicated

I'll say leave the group/community too.

Keep a note of any parents you might want to stay in touch with before you do.

Secondary school is not like primary. Kids sort things themselves, because they're learning to be independent. Their friends groups will be different and may change too. They might get put in different sets for different subjects.

Stressedoutmummyof3 · 30/06/2026 15:28

I wouldn't bother with the group at all. I'm not even a member of WhatsApp at my DS primary school and certainly wouldn't bother at secondary (so glad these weren't a thing when my DDs were at school).
At secondary school what are you going to be asking/talking about? If you need to speak to someone just speak to a mum you know from primary. This woman sounds nuts and is obviously used to being Queen Bee and running things. You don't have to go along with it just because others are. Just leave the group.

SpreadsheetLife · 30/06/2026 15:27

This all sounds odd and over the top. Why do you need a Whatsapp group at all for secondary school?

Niallig32839 · 30/06/2026 15:21

Just mute the chats, check semi regularly if you notice there’s a lot of activity in them or if there’s something going on you might need details on. The groups will probably die a death as others will feel the same as you

Isometimeswonder · 30/06/2026 15:09

There's always a Marge In Charge who likes to be group leader.
I'd ignore and not even join.

ColdWaterDipper · 30/06/2026 15:02

parents whatsapp groups aren’t really a thing at secondary age are they? My two boys are year 7 and year 10 and we abandoned class WhatsApp groups as they left year 6…..there is a Facebook group which is useful as the school cloud messaging system isn’t super reliable, but mostly the children are just expected to be on top of everything themselves!

Skybluepinky · 30/06/2026 15:00

School mummy mafia WhatsApp groups are best avoided.

GordanoServices · 30/06/2026 14:59

You don’t need parent WhatsApp groups at secondary school

WouldYouLikeToSwingOnAStar · 30/06/2026 14:57

MyOliveStork · 30/06/2026 06:57

It took me a minute to figure out you are talking about SECONDARY school!!!! Why are you bothering? I didn’t have anything to do with other parents at high school, my kids dealt with their own stuff. Secondary school was a big step back for me. Maybe you should do the same and help enable your child to take the responsibility themselves? Usually you know a parent or two (or more) from primary that you stay in touch with, or get to know some parents in time, trade numbers and stay in touch re school/club stuff. I don’t understand why a WhatsApp group is necessary. Just opt out of the group and stay out of it. Hardly like you will be chatting in the playground is it?

Yes, me too!

Im old enough that a lot of our families didn’t even have a landline phones, never mind mobiles and WhatsApp groups!
Id be buggered that if I’ve got a secondary school aged child, I’d be letting some pushy tantrumming mother tell me how it’s going to be!

Either set up your own group or join someone else’s. Or - for a quiet life, just let the kids sort it out.

Don’t know what it is about WhatsApp…certain people have to “control” them, and start bossing other people around. I just mute mine and look at them when I’m bored…makes life a lot easier😁

Pistachiocake · 30/06/2026 14:55

Did you say groups for Year 7?
I've only heard of groups for primary. No high school parent I have ever met does this-the school prattle ended years ago. I hope it doesn't start round here.
As you've asked for opinions, I just wouldn't join any groups. The school will message you about anything you need to do, but once the kids are out of infant school, I found there's no point being in any group.

FirstWorldProblemSolver · 30/06/2026 14:51

Susan716 · 30/06/2026 06:40

Really weird incident happened my my daughters new school so I wanted some insight and reassurance it’s not a sign of things to come:

We have a WhatsApp group set up from an event in May where all parents are already in and not much activity apart from “did everyone get their forms in” type questions and “does anyone know what clubs the school does” it’s all very casual and parents with older children already at the school have been helpful.

yesterday we found out the form classes our children are in and we met our form teacher in person. Someone in main chat suggested this is a good time to create sub groups for forms and people started posting for example if you are in 7Xyz then join the group. All very friendly and nice till this mum let’s call her Q started ranting and saying “please everyone be patient, when I get home I will sort out” others just questioned that we’re here in person now so easier to set up but her response got very annoyed and said I said be patient. No one else responded on there so I assumed everyone okay with it. I wasn’t bothered right then and thought let her crack on if she wants to take the lead.

after a few hours she created a new community and then sub communities so the new main one for whole of year 7 and then 6 for the forms. She then asked a rep for each form and gave them admin rights, herself too being an admin in EACH form class! She then made it so the community couldn’t post in the main one but had to go though the class admin each time, so I couldn’t just post in the main one I would have to go through my rep who would then post on my behalf!

she then wanted us all to prove we were who we were saying by taking a picture of the name sticker we were given at the event yesterday which has our name, child’s name and form class. I’ll be honest I binned mine and didn’t keep. I was feeling very uncomfortable with all this especially as she kept shouting people down who questioned what she was saying.

I already know 2 mums there as our kids in same primary school so I messaged them and asked what they felt about it all - they just responded vaguely snd not much bother so I thought okay most people don’t care.

Another mum spoke up who I don’t know and questioned why she’s an admin of every sub tutor group when her child is only in one to which lots of people responded saying yes why plus why we can’t post in the main group for all year 7’s. She didn’t do in the way I’m explaining it was more being really nice to her type questioning like she’s scared of her. Q still got upset and said she said she was just trying to help. But I feel it was all rather crazy and wasting everyone’s time. She’s not in my form group thank God. Is this a sign of things to come? DD is my eldest and we’ve had WhatsApp groups in primary but not to this level of craziness! I should avoid Q at all costs and pray our kids don’t become friends yes?

it all feels really bizarre to me like why do all that when it was actually quite simple to do and she made it a million times more complex. Plus why did everyone just go along with it for so long and start posting pictures of their name tags? It’s like one person who I didn’t meet or know suddenly became our leader and everyone went with it. Only when sub group reps realised how much work it will be for them to get each member plus be the go between did one speak up and then it was just really nicey nicey. I really wanted to post how crazy it was but DH stopped me and said don’t do it.

Listen hun, you sound like this is your first kid going to secondary so you're new to the game. This is not the nice cutesy world of primary school, you will probably never meet or speak to any of the parents of your kids' new friends, the wattsap group will soon become redundant. People become very hands off as the kids are (rightly) expected to take on more responsibility for themselves. Don't run yourself ragged about whether to cut this woman off or not as you will have very little to do with her anyway. If she tries to make it any other way, you can easily avoid the woman, it's not the stand in the queue outside the gates and grown up playground etiquette you get at primary, relax.

CrayonCritic · 30/06/2026 14:46

I actually think her system is a Good idea. Why would you want to be in a chat with the whole of year 7?

KitKatKathy · 30/06/2026 14:45

Yep, it's time to let go of the reins a little. A huge part of the transition to secondary is letting the kids find out answers for themselves and the natural consequences if they don't. If the adults are sorting everything for them via a WhatsApp group, how are the kids ever going to learn to do things for themselves.

Feetballislife · 30/06/2026 14:42

Ditch the groups - I don’t know anyone who uses them for secondary! I barely used them for primary - we had a grp for the parents we knew and liked and that was it! Never joined any largers ones. Seemed like they were frequently kicking off

LoveItaly · 30/06/2026 14:41

Looneytune253 · 30/06/2026 10:56

Bloody hell, in y7 why are the parents even in touch at all. It’s all a bit weird

Surely if parents know each other and form a community, then that’s how they can work together to change things they don’t like at the school? Very hard for one or two people to make a difference, but larger numbers who talk with each other can have far more influence.

CalamityLane · 30/06/2026 14:41

No way to this. If she is like this on day one before a term has even started it will only get worse. You will gain nothing from the group only annoyance at her. You can get your info another way.

Just do a 'Susan716 has left the chat' .... And enjoy nonsense free Summer.

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