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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU to think the new school WhatsApp mum is overstepping?

310 replies

Susan716 · 30/06/2026 06:40

Really weird incident happened my my daughters new school so I wanted some insight and reassurance it’s not a sign of things to come:

We have a WhatsApp group set up from an event in May where all parents are already in and not much activity apart from “did everyone get their forms in” type questions and “does anyone know what clubs the school does” it’s all very casual and parents with older children already at the school have been helpful.

yesterday we found out the form classes our children are in and we met our form teacher in person. Someone in main chat suggested this is a good time to create sub groups for forms and people started posting for example if you are in 7Xyz then join the group. All very friendly and nice till this mum let’s call her Q started ranting and saying “please everyone be patient, when I get home I will sort out” others just questioned that we’re here in person now so easier to set up but her response got very annoyed and said I said be patient. No one else responded on there so I assumed everyone okay with it. I wasn’t bothered right then and thought let her crack on if she wants to take the lead.

after a few hours she created a new community and then sub communities so the new main one for whole of year 7 and then 6 for the forms. She then asked a rep for each form and gave them admin rights, herself too being an admin in EACH form class! She then made it so the community couldn’t post in the main one but had to go though the class admin each time, so I couldn’t just post in the main one I would have to go through my rep who would then post on my behalf!

she then wanted us all to prove we were who we were saying by taking a picture of the name sticker we were given at the event yesterday which has our name, child’s name and form class. I’ll be honest I binned mine and didn’t keep. I was feeling very uncomfortable with all this especially as she kept shouting people down who questioned what she was saying.

I already know 2 mums there as our kids in same primary school so I messaged them and asked what they felt about it all - they just responded vaguely snd not much bother so I thought okay most people don’t care.

Another mum spoke up who I don’t know and questioned why she’s an admin of every sub tutor group when her child is only in one to which lots of people responded saying yes why plus why we can’t post in the main group for all year 7’s. She didn’t do in the way I’m explaining it was more being really nice to her type questioning like she’s scared of her. Q still got upset and said she said she was just trying to help. But I feel it was all rather crazy and wasting everyone’s time. She’s not in my form group thank God. Is this a sign of things to come? DD is my eldest and we’ve had WhatsApp groups in primary but not to this level of craziness! I should avoid Q at all costs and pray our kids don’t become friends yes?

it all feels really bizarre to me like why do all that when it was actually quite simple to do and she made it a million times more complex. Plus why did everyone just go along with it for so long and start posting pictures of their name tags? It’s like one person who I didn’t meet or know suddenly became our leader and everyone went with it. Only when sub group reps realised how much work it will be for them to get each member plus be the go between did one speak up and then it was just really nicey nicey. I really wanted to post how crazy it was but DH stopped me and said don’t do it.

OP posts:
Franjipanl8r · 30/06/2026 17:50

How are kids meant to grow up at secondary if parents need a WhatsApp group to baby them!?

Marieb19 · 30/06/2026 17:43

Just ignore her and make another group and invite parents to link up.

PreparationIsKey · 30/06/2026 17:37

I mute the class WhatsApp for both dc that are in primary. Have a nose every so often that's about it.
I've never known of one for secondary school! And I have teens and dcs that have left secondary. That is weird especially as most forms will be online so everyone gets emailed from the school

Pinepeak2434 · 30/06/2026 17:31

Never needed a WhatsApp group for secondary, and I left the primary one pretty quickly. The school send out what’s needed via email and some schools have Facebook pages. I find the less I had to do with school reps the better - there as was a really controlling one for my son’s class in primary school.

SonicStars · 30/06/2026 17:24

Never even had one at primary. Can't imagine one at secondary with all the kids doing different things at different times.

Unless of course they exist and everyone's just been told not to tell sonicstars!

MageKing · 30/06/2026 17:20

TheFormidableMrsC · 30/06/2026 14:04

I have never joined or needed to join a WhatsApp group at secondary school level. I’d decline if asked. There is absolutely no need for it whatsoever. I didn’t do it at primary level either. Absolutely ridiculous intrusion and she sounds like an absolute control freak. Just leave the groups and let her get on with. She’ll be chatting to herself in no time 🙄

Agree. Also, it allows you to weed out the parents you want to engage with vs the ones you' don't. The ones who are invested in what day PE is and need to post on the whatsapp accordingly, or who are asking random strangers about individual teachers... definitely not someone I want to be associated with anyway.

EstoyRobandoSuCasa · 30/06/2026 17:18

edwinbear · 30/06/2026 14:06

We had a dad like this. Joined the school in Y7, we already had a WhatsApp group from all through Junior school (it’s a 3-18 school) and just added new parents to that. It had worked perfectly well for years, but this dad (within 3 weeks) insisted on changing it to a Community Group. There were sub groups for homework, lost uniform, after school clubs, form groups, sport….the list went on and on and on. When I objected he went on a massive rant about how I would do my DC a disservice being so resistant to change, I needed a ‘growth mindset’ apparently, I recall he posted some links of books I should read. I left the group.

A year later his DC got expelled - which was unfortunate for the Community Group as he was the only admin.

I wonder what on earth was going on in that family! Was the son rebelling against his controlling dad, perhaps, or maybe Dad spent so long trying to organise and control the other school parents that he had no idea what his son was up to?

RoseOliviaAu · 30/06/2026 17:15

Creepybookworm · 30/06/2026 06:44

Having parent WhatsApp groups in secondary is weird. The good thing about secondary is that none of this enforced mixing with other parents is usual.

This. You don’t really need to collaborate for secondary school.

JuliettaCaeser · 30/06/2026 17:09

Also I genuinely don’t think these groups are appropriate at secondary level. The kids are very touchy about information sharing and even asking a wider group about a lost jumper is basically blabbing to all their peers they are careless etc. They won’t thank you. Quite the opposite.

Gooseling · 30/06/2026 17:07

Fucking hell.

My secondary aged kids would be mortified if they knew I was in a WhatsApp group with other parents of kids in their form. 🤣🤣🤣

As soon as year 6 finishes - leave the WhatsApp group.

I’d assume anyone wanting to create a parent WhatsApp group for secondary aged kids really needs to get some hobbies.

Ireallywantadoughnut36 · 30/06/2026 17:05

I wouldn't create any drama, just mute them and direct message the people you need to speak to or occasionally you might dip in and catch up if you wish. At our primary we have an overall year WhatsApp and a class WhatsApp and then sometimes additional groups for specific things- it's too much, but to be fair, at primary parents do a lot. At secondary the kids will learn they do it or they miss out/mess up. I can imagine a WhatsApp might be mildly helpful for the one organised child to tell their parents what they need for food tech that week, and then give everyone else the heads up. Other than that, I can't see it helping you out really..... gone are the days of "has anyone got Oscars jumper/water bottle/trainers" (also, no, nobody has, your child has left them on the field - always)

Magmum75 · 30/06/2026 16:58

Yr10 here and Parents WhatsApp group still going strong and very useful, school coms can be unclear, we have 8 different apps, as well emails, texts and sometimes paper based forms. Its also useful to gauge opinions on teachers, school policies etc. Couldn't be without ours!

StillCreatingAName · 30/06/2026 16:50

ainsleysanob · 30/06/2026 07:02

I’d rather have shit in my hands and clap than be included in a school WhatsApp group, especially at secondary school. Just leave the group!

🤣 @ainsleysanob for PM

Reallynosuchthing · 30/06/2026 16:50

A mum in my eldest's year set up a Whatsapp group when we started year 7. I think there has been less than 3 posts a year in it since then ... our school comms go via the kids, as they're old enough to take responsibility for remembering what day they have sport etc. The only parents I know are ones that I've known since Primary when we were more sociable. Block her and swerve the groups.

NerrSnerr · 30/06/2026 16:47

WhatsApp groups are not necessary in any school. I have a year 7 and a year 4 and there hasn’t been a group for any and it has been 100% fine. Nothing has been missed.

italianlondongirl · 30/06/2026 16:44

I think WhatsApp groups are quite good if you’re the sort of mum who might forget things or just for general info. However I they only work for a whole year group as opposed to having subsets!

bootle96 · 30/06/2026 16:44

Q sounds ridiculous. But seriously just leave the group. Best thing about not having children at primary school anymore is not having to deal with other parents 😂. No need for what’s app groups at secondary. Just let the kids get on with it.

Newusername3kidss · 30/06/2026 16:39

Ha ha I wonder if this mum is one from my eldest’s primary school - absolute nightmare and absolutely the kind of shit she pulled constantly. No one speaks to her now kids have left primary. She genuinely thought she was the “glue who held everything together” but basically she took over everything and made it into a right palarva. By year 6 we all got backbones and told her to calm down but it went on for years as everyone was like “aah let her do it if she wants”. My advice stay well clear!!

Auroraloves · 30/06/2026 16:32

Honestly, year 7s don’t need a WhatsApp parents group. How embarrassing for her, and her child

DecoratingDiva · 30/06/2026 16:32

What’s the point of the WhatsApp group? Why do you need to be in a group with all the parents in the year? Or even all the parents in your kids form?
it isn’t “official” school stuff. If you feel you need to be in a group for FOMO reasons just do it with other parents you actually know and get on with.

CelestialCandyfloss · 30/06/2026 16:31

Madness! And this is secondary school?! I literally know one or two other parents at the school and there are no WhatsApp groups that I know of (thank god). Or maybe there are, and I haven't been invited. Either way, it's a result!

3teens2cats · 30/06/2026 16:26

I honestly don't understand class WhatsApp groups. Thankfully they were never a thing when my (now adult) dc were at school. What's wrong with just official school communications? I honestly can't think how this would be helpful for secondary.

ruolocretaw · 30/06/2026 16:23

Some people go mad with the tiniest bit of power, and most others will just let it go in cases like these where it doesn't affect them much. Either they don't care or they don't want the bother of having a nutty control freak go into attack mode or put them down as a problem to fixate upon. They'd rather placate her than face her wrath.

But yes, avoid her for an easy life.

wishingonastar101 · 30/06/2026 16:16

everyone get excited then they move on... you never have to see this woman on deal with her batshittery.

WhatsitWiggle · 30/06/2026 16:16

Secondary is very different to primary. There's very little for parents to get involved in, the onus is on the children to be organised and communicate.

I'd just leave her to it for now. It'll fizzle out once she realises how much work she's created and that everyone has gone off and done their own thing with their own friends anyway.