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AIBU?

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AIBU to think the new school WhatsApp mum is overstepping?

310 replies

Susan716 · 30/06/2026 06:40

Really weird incident happened my my daughters new school so I wanted some insight and reassurance it’s not a sign of things to come:

We have a WhatsApp group set up from an event in May where all parents are already in and not much activity apart from “did everyone get their forms in” type questions and “does anyone know what clubs the school does” it’s all very casual and parents with older children already at the school have been helpful.

yesterday we found out the form classes our children are in and we met our form teacher in person. Someone in main chat suggested this is a good time to create sub groups for forms and people started posting for example if you are in 7Xyz then join the group. All very friendly and nice till this mum let’s call her Q started ranting and saying “please everyone be patient, when I get home I will sort out” others just questioned that we’re here in person now so easier to set up but her response got very annoyed and said I said be patient. No one else responded on there so I assumed everyone okay with it. I wasn’t bothered right then and thought let her crack on if she wants to take the lead.

after a few hours she created a new community and then sub communities so the new main one for whole of year 7 and then 6 for the forms. She then asked a rep for each form and gave them admin rights, herself too being an admin in EACH form class! She then made it so the community couldn’t post in the main one but had to go though the class admin each time, so I couldn’t just post in the main one I would have to go through my rep who would then post on my behalf!

she then wanted us all to prove we were who we were saying by taking a picture of the name sticker we were given at the event yesterday which has our name, child’s name and form class. I’ll be honest I binned mine and didn’t keep. I was feeling very uncomfortable with all this especially as she kept shouting people down who questioned what she was saying.

I already know 2 mums there as our kids in same primary school so I messaged them and asked what they felt about it all - they just responded vaguely snd not much bother so I thought okay most people don’t care.

Another mum spoke up who I don’t know and questioned why she’s an admin of every sub tutor group when her child is only in one to which lots of people responded saying yes why plus why we can’t post in the main group for all year 7’s. She didn’t do in the way I’m explaining it was more being really nice to her type questioning like she’s scared of her. Q still got upset and said she said she was just trying to help. But I feel it was all rather crazy and wasting everyone’s time. She’s not in my form group thank God. Is this a sign of things to come? DD is my eldest and we’ve had WhatsApp groups in primary but not to this level of craziness! I should avoid Q at all costs and pray our kids don’t become friends yes?

it all feels really bizarre to me like why do all that when it was actually quite simple to do and she made it a million times more complex. Plus why did everyone just go along with it for so long and start posting pictures of their name tags? It’s like one person who I didn’t meet or know suddenly became our leader and everyone went with it. Only when sub group reps realised how much work it will be for them to get each member plus be the go between did one speak up and then it was just really nicey nicey. I really wanted to post how crazy it was but DH stopped me and said don’t do it.

OP posts:
Wonderfulstuff · 30/06/2026 19:52

When the school find out about a comment made in a class WhatsApp group and send out a shitty blanket comms, it won't take Coleen Rooney to work out who snitched.

I

Suzjspik · 30/06/2026 19:37

in my experience you will find the parents group msging drops off significantly in High school. It's not really needed

ClovisWrites · 30/06/2026 19:36

I very much doubt everyone else was okay with it. I imagine everyone else has reached the conclusion I did ten years ago: there’s just no point getting into debates with lunatics on school WhatsApp groups.

FirstWorldProblemSolver · 30/06/2026 19:33

WellThatIsABitMad · 30/06/2026 19:07

Do mothers really organise parties for their kids at secondary school ? What has parenting become - your kids should have a level of independence now, guess what happened before WhatsApp?

Nope, they do not, as many many people have commented. OP seems to think her kid will be the one exception though

bangalanguk · 30/06/2026 19:23

Don't think you'll use it in secondary like in primary. She sounds a nightmare!

Shinyandnew1 · 30/06/2026 19:08

Susan716 · 30/06/2026 18:56

Crazy WhatsApp mum deleted the community this morning as she said she got over 100+ messages telling her people don’t like how she’s dictating what can and can’t become. She phrased it like I tried to get things organised but goodluck to you all figuring it out!

tbh I don’t find WhatsApp strange at all for secondary I think it’s a good way to communicate and do party invites as you can get responses clearly rather than going through kids, I think for year 7 and 8 will be useful then after that DD can organise her own birthday invites. I won’t be using it much but right now people are posting on he chat asking about uniform which I’ve found very useful as school guidance says something but parents with older kids have guided us in what actually we need and what can be done without. School guidance makes it look like everything is essential.

Has she deleted all the stupid sub groups but the main group with everyone is still on there? That’s a good resolution if so. I found the year group facebook quite useful as reminders for things in secondary.

WellThatIsABitMad · 30/06/2026 19:07

Do mothers really organise parties for their kids at secondary school ? What has parenting become - your kids should have a level of independence now, guess what happened before WhatsApp?

MummyWillow1 · 30/06/2026 19:04

Nowthatshuge · 30/06/2026 06:43

Crikey, if I was you I’d just make another group with everyone in casually and crack on as you were before
there’s no need to have form groups anyhow??

This. Ignore her crazy sub groups and just set up a new one with everyone.

Lilypad789 · 30/06/2026 19:03

Isn’t the best part of them leaving primary never having to speak to other kids’ parents ever again? I can’t wait. Done it twice already and can’t wait until the 3rd and final time. I would leave the groups now if I were you, she sounds like a control and you’re setting yourself up for lots of messages about how your child has upset someone’s little darling blah blah blah because the whole year group will know your number 😭. I had a school Mum ring me (Yr4) at 8pm last week about something that really shouldn’t have been an issue and I genuinely cannot wait for this stage to end.

PinkPonyAnonymous · 30/06/2026 19:01

Absolutely wild… thank you for sharing it has reminded me I’m more sane than I thought.

Imagine, she was going about her day getting stressed at the idea someone else might make a WhatsApp group before she did? 😂 One thing I can be sure of, she has a mumsnet account!

Notimeforaname · 30/06/2026 18:57

Why cant you just leave all groups and have no contact with them? I dont understand?

You find out what you need from the school. You dont need groups and all these other parents to help your child complete school???

MrsVBS · 30/06/2026 18:56

You don’t needs What’s App groups in secondary school, the kids are old enough to sort themselves out. I’d leave the group.

Susan716 · 30/06/2026 18:56

Crazy WhatsApp mum deleted the community this morning as she said she got over 100+ messages telling her people don’t like how she’s dictating what can and can’t become. She phrased it like I tried to get things organised but goodluck to you all figuring it out!

tbh I don’t find WhatsApp strange at all for secondary I think it’s a good way to communicate and do party invites as you can get responses clearly rather than going through kids, I think for year 7 and 8 will be useful then after that DD can organise her own birthday invites. I won’t be using it much but right now people are posting on he chat asking about uniform which I’ve found very useful as school guidance says something but parents with older kids have guided us in what actually we need and what can be done without. School guidance makes it look like everything is essential.

OP posts:
StrawberryMatchaLatte · 30/06/2026 18:55

I've not heard of class whatsapp groups being a thing in secondary schools and it hasn't been my experience with my older children. I don't even know who their parents are, nor do I need to. Just leave the group or mute it. People aren't arsed about crap like this when their kids are older. It'll probably fizzle out.

Dontknowwhyidoit · 30/06/2026 18:55

I have 5 kids and have never been part of a WhatsApp group in primary or secondary school. There is no need for this in secondary school as children need to learn to manage social activities themselves. Contact the school direct if you need information and most schools send out emails regularly about stuff going on as well.

Susan716 · 30/06/2026 18:51

So many deleted messages! What was roughly said?

OP posts:
SpunkyOchreSnake · 30/06/2026 18:42

Why on earth do you still have WhatsApp groups in secondary? One of the highlights of them leaving primary is no more WhatsApp group chats with annoying parents 😂

Howdidlifegetsobusy · 30/06/2026 18:36

You don’t really need class what’s app groups in secondary. Personally I would just leave the main one, you will get letters and emails from the school.

form groups - just get the other admin to boot out “Q” or set up your own if you feel you need one. Voting with your feet may be the best way to demonstrate!

Doihaveit · 30/06/2026 18:22

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Doihaveit · 30/06/2026 18:20

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CatA27 · 30/06/2026 18:17

Wow, I'm m glad my kids went to school before whatsapp was a thing!! Yes on the odd occasion they got dropped in the playground on inset day and went to school in uniform on non uniform day but it was a lot less stressful than this sounds!

AngryBeyondWords03 · 30/06/2026 18:15

Surprised secondary schools have whatsapp groups to be honest

Theworldsgonemadagain · 30/06/2026 18:01

Creepybookworm · 30/06/2026 06:44

Having parent WhatsApp groups in secondary is weird. The good thing about secondary is that none of this enforced mixing with other parents is usual.

Agree. I don't like parents watsapp fullstop but in secondary it's weird. Why do you need one? Your kids should be making their own plans and sorting out things themselves at that age.

bootle96 · 30/06/2026 18:00

Magmum75 · 30/06/2026 16:58

Yr10 here and Parents WhatsApp group still going strong and very useful, school coms can be unclear, we have 8 different apps, as well emails, texts and sometimes paper based forms. Its also useful to gauge opinions on teachers, school policies etc. Couldn't be without ours!

This really surprises me. My kids are yr 11 (just left school) and year 8. I genuinely can’t think of a single thing I would have needed to find out from a what’s app group in the time they’ve been at secondary. What do you get from the what’s app group? My kids know they have to pass on info from school, if they don’t tell me they need something for school then they won’t get it. I don’t expect to have to chase them up at secondary. I’m impressed anyone can be bothered with that at secondary!