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AIBU to think the new school WhatsApp mum is overstepping?

310 replies

Susan716 · 30/06/2026 06:40

Really weird incident happened my my daughters new school so I wanted some insight and reassurance it’s not a sign of things to come:

We have a WhatsApp group set up from an event in May where all parents are already in and not much activity apart from “did everyone get their forms in” type questions and “does anyone know what clubs the school does” it’s all very casual and parents with older children already at the school have been helpful.

yesterday we found out the form classes our children are in and we met our form teacher in person. Someone in main chat suggested this is a good time to create sub groups for forms and people started posting for example if you are in 7Xyz then join the group. All very friendly and nice till this mum let’s call her Q started ranting and saying “please everyone be patient, when I get home I will sort out” others just questioned that we’re here in person now so easier to set up but her response got very annoyed and said I said be patient. No one else responded on there so I assumed everyone okay with it. I wasn’t bothered right then and thought let her crack on if she wants to take the lead.

after a few hours she created a new community and then sub communities so the new main one for whole of year 7 and then 6 for the forms. She then asked a rep for each form and gave them admin rights, herself too being an admin in EACH form class! She then made it so the community couldn’t post in the main one but had to go though the class admin each time, so I couldn’t just post in the main one I would have to go through my rep who would then post on my behalf!

she then wanted us all to prove we were who we were saying by taking a picture of the name sticker we were given at the event yesterday which has our name, child’s name and form class. I’ll be honest I binned mine and didn’t keep. I was feeling very uncomfortable with all this especially as she kept shouting people down who questioned what she was saying.

I already know 2 mums there as our kids in same primary school so I messaged them and asked what they felt about it all - they just responded vaguely snd not much bother so I thought okay most people don’t care.

Another mum spoke up who I don’t know and questioned why she’s an admin of every sub tutor group when her child is only in one to which lots of people responded saying yes why plus why we can’t post in the main group for all year 7’s. She didn’t do in the way I’m explaining it was more being really nice to her type questioning like she’s scared of her. Q still got upset and said she said she was just trying to help. But I feel it was all rather crazy and wasting everyone’s time. She’s not in my form group thank God. Is this a sign of things to come? DD is my eldest and we’ve had WhatsApp groups in primary but not to this level of craziness! I should avoid Q at all costs and pray our kids don’t become friends yes?

it all feels really bizarre to me like why do all that when it was actually quite simple to do and she made it a million times more complex. Plus why did everyone just go along with it for so long and start posting pictures of their name tags? It’s like one person who I didn’t meet or know suddenly became our leader and everyone went with it. Only when sub group reps realised how much work it will be for them to get each member plus be the go between did one speak up and then it was just really nicey nicey. I really wanted to post how crazy it was but DH stopped me and said don’t do it.

OP posts:
Susan716 · 30/06/2026 22:05

DD is my eldest. Genuine question - how does she arrange birthday? She’s doesn’t have a phone and won’t get one till she’s at least 13. So I would need the parents contact number wouldn’t I? How would you do it

OP posts:
BlueMum16 · 30/06/2026 21:52

Susan716 · 30/06/2026 18:56

Crazy WhatsApp mum deleted the community this morning as she said she got over 100+ messages telling her people don’t like how she’s dictating what can and can’t become. She phrased it like I tried to get things organised but goodluck to you all figuring it out!

tbh I don’t find WhatsApp strange at all for secondary I think it’s a good way to communicate and do party invites as you can get responses clearly rather than going through kids, I think for year 7 and 8 will be useful then after that DD can organise her own birthday invites. I won’t be using it much but right now people are posting on he chat asking about uniform which I’ve found very useful as school guidance says something but parents with older kids have guided us in what actually we need and what can be done without. School guidance makes it look like everything is essential.

You are likely to use it for the first month about queries on the new school - uniform, timetable, homework, dinner money, etc where you can share ideas or get a steer from parents with older DC.

IMO there are no birthday parties at high school, a few friends doing something. You need to encourage independence

BeenzManeenz · 30/06/2026 21:50

You've all got too much time on your hands tbh

CypressGrove · 30/06/2026 21:47

It's a worrying sign of parents wanting to baby their kids longer and longer. Secondary school should be about kids increasing their independence, finding out things for themselves and organising themselves etc, not parents posting party invites on whatsapp and asking when inset days are. And as for parents whatsapp groups for 15/16 year olds - the mind boggles - you feel like these will be the parents trying to attend their kids job interviews and contacting their workplaces!

NiceKipperTie · 30/06/2026 21:29

I've never been in a secondary school WhatsApp group. It sounds completely unnecessary. We've got one Facebook group for parents for the entire school where people ask questions, sell uniform and check whether their child is fabricating an inset day. Someone added me to a Facebook group for one of my kids' forms and it had about 3 messages in it before everyone gave up. This woman sounds like she likes a lot of drama. There's no need to engage with it!

CanineJesus · 30/06/2026 21:26

To organise birthday parties? 😂
I can guarantee you that no teenager would be seen dead having their mum organise a birthday party!
at that age, it mostly a few mates going to the cinema, shopping or to the arcade & some food - and they are more than capable organising it themselves!

Kerry242 · 30/06/2026 21:21

reluctantbrit · 30/06/2026 20:51

When we went with DD to an offer day for her insurance option for uni, the amount of parents who couldn't understand that there would be no access for them to the university's computer system to check on attendance, grades and who the lecturer are - and their contact details was absolutely staggering.

The poor session presenter really struggled to stay polite and over and over explained that the students are adults and parents don't have the right to these information.

Mmmm, but they still expect the parents to pay for it though.....as it's means tested against the household for living expenses....

I can see two sides to this one to be honest. I appreciate that it is what it is - parents aren't going to get the info but I don't think it's crazy that parents want the info, if they're the ones forking out £24k a year for living expenses or £35k+ if they're also paying tuition.

You'd hope you'd raise your kid to be trustworthy but I knew too many people (including my younger sister) at uni - who had a damn good time on their parents money and £100k later came out with nothing to show.

4 kids - 3 of us came out with degrees. 1 was a little shit and literally lied through her back teeth - the worst lie was to get our parent to fund a 6mth trip to another country, claiming it was to attend Uni there (like Erasmus) but she made the whole thing up! One of her friends got the placement, my sister just deferred her Uni year and went with her for the party!! It took her 7yrs to get a degree! Lie after lie after lie after lie, that would have been found out immediately if my parents had any sort of access to her academic/attendence info, instead they had to blindly take her word for everything. She had us all fooled!

ElleJayC · 30/06/2026 21:11

Friendsinahighplace · 30/06/2026 20:50

But this mind blowing… this is a whatsapp group of 200 parents of 15 year olds some about to turn 16, going on to year 11 and apparently 50 (50!) parents are still active on it about lost uniform (wtaf) and school polices and rules and whether their kids have lied about something.

I can’t even begin to imagine what the
non-involved 150 parents think of this supposedly active 50!!

Edited

I’m actually more bothered about this than the original post 😂😂

At least that was about current Y6, getting ready to move to secondary. I remember when mine first went, I didn’t realise how different it would be in terms of communication and I wanted to get everything right for eldest DS starting. Q clearly fancied herself in a staring role in AmandaLand bless her!

blubberyboo · 30/06/2026 21:09

Whatsapp groups are defo not necessary. I put 3 kids thru secondary school without once speaking to other parents outside of school organised meetings. The kids do it themselves.

PyongyangKipperbang · 30/06/2026 21:02

reluctantbrit · 30/06/2026 20:51

When we went with DD to an offer day for her insurance option for uni, the amount of parents who couldn't understand that there would be no access for them to the university's computer system to check on attendance, grades and who the lecturer are - and their contact details was absolutely staggering.

The poor session presenter really struggled to stay polite and over and over explained that the students are adults and parents don't have the right to these information.

My eldest DD was seconded to education in her NHS trust and she had to deal with this. Parents of students up to the age of 23 demanding this stuff!

It used to be that kids "fail to launch" and the parents suffered, now it is "parents who wont let go" and its the kids who are suffering.

ETA I think the issue now is that Uni education is so expensive that parents think "I am paying for this, I have a right to know what I am paying for".

PyongyangKipperbang · 30/06/2026 21:00

Friendsinahighplace · 30/06/2026 20:50

But this mind blowing… this is a whatsapp group of 200 parents of 15 year olds some about to turn 16, going on to year 11 and apparently 50 (50!) parents are still active on it about lost uniform (wtaf) and school polices and rules and whether their kids have lied about something.

I can’t even begin to imagine what the
non-involved 150 parents think of this supposedly active 50!!

Edited

My youngest DD is 15 and going into Y11. I think she would move out if I joined a whats up group like this! Blowing my mind too!

JazzyAmbs · 30/06/2026 20:55

You don’t need form groups. They don’t spend time in form after the first few weeks. She’s ridiculous.

reluctantbrit · 30/06/2026 20:51

PyongyangKipperbang · 30/06/2026 20:46

And then there is hand wringing because then their kids are 18 and completely unprepared for real life......and yet no self reflection about why that might be!

When we went with DD to an offer day for her insurance option for uni, the amount of parents who couldn't understand that there would be no access for them to the university's computer system to check on attendance, grades and who the lecturer are - and their contact details was absolutely staggering.

The poor session presenter really struggled to stay polite and over and over explained that the students are adults and parents don't have the right to these information.

Friendsinahighplace · 30/06/2026 20:50

PyongyangKipperbang · 30/06/2026 20:46

And then there is hand wringing because then their kids are 18 and completely unprepared for real life......and yet no self reflection about why that might be!

But this mind blowing… this is a whatsapp group of 200 parents of 15 year olds some about to turn 16, going on to year 11 and apparently 50 (50!) parents are still active on it about lost uniform (wtaf) and school polices and rules and whether their kids have lied about something.

I can’t even begin to imagine what the
non-involved 150 parents think of this supposedly active 50!!

PyongyangKipperbang · 30/06/2026 20:46

Friendsinahighplace · 30/06/2026 20:42

And these are 15 year olds going in to year 11?

And then there is hand wringing because then their kids are 18 and completely unprepared for real life......and yet no self reflection about why that might be!

Mumtryingtolivethedream · 30/06/2026 20:45

Its secondary school massively embarrassing for your mum to be in form group chat. They need to be taking responsibility now for communicating to you youre not arranging play dates anymore

reluctantbrit · 30/06/2026 20:43

WellThatIsABitMad · 30/06/2026 19:07

Do mothers really organise parties for their kids at secondary school ? What has parenting become - your kids should have a level of independence now, guess what happened before WhatsApp?

We did the one in Y7 as DD wanted to take 3 friends to a trampoline place. But - I only booked the place and organised a cake.

DD sorted out who was invited and I just send her a short text she needed to forward to the girls so the parents could do a waiver form.

I had no contact to any of the girls or the parents.

Friendsinahighplace · 30/06/2026 20:42

Magmum75 · 30/06/2026 20:36

Over 200 members and I would say at least 50 frequent posters. Its good to compare views on school rules, teaching standards, check if things kids tell us are a pack of lies, tracking down those who are AWOL (sometimes seriously missing) no party planning or has anyone see Johnny's missing coat - that is down to the kids

And these are 15 year olds going in to year 11?

Friendsinahighplace · 30/06/2026 20:40

Magmum75 · 30/06/2026 20:36

Over 200 members and I would say at least 50 frequent posters. Its good to compare views on school rules, teaching standards, check if things kids tell us are a pack of lies, tracking down those who are AWOL (sometimes seriously missing) no party planning or has anyone see Johnny's missing coat - that is down to the kids

Well you were hardly likely to admit agree were you?!

Magmum75 · 30/06/2026 20:36

Friendsinahighplace · 30/06/2026 20:21

It’ll be a handful of parents at most that basically just use it to have a whinge and bitch. Guaranteed

Over 200 members and I would say at least 50 frequent posters. Its good to compare views on school rules, teaching standards, check if things kids tell us are a pack of lies, tracking down those who are AWOL (sometimes seriously missing) no party planning or has anyone see Johnny's missing coat - that is down to the kids

Epidote · 30/06/2026 20:26

Don't engage with her or the group. It is not required. You are going to miss little and she can do as she please.
BTW she is creating the Whatsapp group of her dreams, nothing to do with overstepping or to you. Don't feed it if you don't want to make it bigger.

NotSmallButFunSize · 30/06/2026 20:25

Creepybookworm · 30/06/2026 06:44

Having parent WhatsApp groups in secondary is weird. The good thing about secondary is that none of this enforced mixing with other parents is usual.

This - absolutely no need for them past primary school, nobody does this, especially in such a militant way.

I was glad to be rid of the chats once my kids left primary! Absolute PITA!

Friendsinahighplace · 30/06/2026 20:21

Magmum75 · 30/06/2026 16:58

Yr10 here and Parents WhatsApp group still going strong and very useful, school coms can be unclear, we have 8 different apps, as well emails, texts and sometimes paper based forms. Its also useful to gauge opinions on teachers, school policies etc. Couldn't be without ours!

It’ll be a handful of parents at most that basically just use it to have a whinge and bitch. Guaranteed

Friendsinahighplace · 30/06/2026 20:15

I already know 2 mums there as our kids in same primary school so I messaged them and asked what they felt about it all - they just responded vaguely snd not much bother

so you tried to have a bitch / gossip… but they firmly batted you away. No doubt used to this side to you from primary years @Susan716

ElleJayC · 30/06/2026 20:12

Magmum75 · 30/06/2026 16:58

Yr10 here and Parents WhatsApp group still going strong and very useful, school coms can be unclear, we have 8 different apps, as well emails, texts and sometimes paper based forms. Its also useful to gauge opinions on teachers, school policies etc. Couldn't be without ours!

Parent WhatsApp groups for 15, going on 16 year olds?! I’ve got a Y10 DS and he’d be horrified at the thought - so would my youngest actually!

Our school sends emails but most of the communication is direct to student through their Google classrooms. It’s great and it really teaches them to take responsibility, face consequences and organise themselves.

And as for party invites …… 🫣