AIBU to distance myself after my friend missed my mum's funeral?

This

Different people have very different and deeply held views about funerals. It’s not a reason to fall out

Im so sorry about your mum and I get it. I really do. When my dad died i felt so angry at people who couldn't make it to his funeral. I didnt say anything at the time or cut them off and as time passed ive realised people just sometimes dont know how to be around grieving people or have work or stuff of their own going on.

Is that really necessary?
OP’s grief is still very raw. No need to be so unpleasant.

Oh @Lathemistress
I am sorry for the deep loss you have had, losing your daughter.
That “friend” was no loss whatsoever.
What sort of woman does that ?
I just can’t understand people.

So sorry for your loss. My advice would be to let the friendship go.
I had a friend who i had known all my life, our mums were friends too. My daughter died when she was 18 and my 'friend' didn't come to her funeral as she would, in her words 'have been no use to me as she would have been too upset' I tried to get past that and continued the friendship but everytime we met up afterwards she never even once asked how I was and talked constantly about her kids. I really couldn't get past this level of selfishness so i let the friendship die. As previous posters have said, it is so true that at times like that you find out who your true friends are.

@HeartonSleeve85 You have the perfect out. You are grieving and devastated and therefore not up for meeting her at the moment. You will contact her when you are ready. Which is never x

I'm so sorry you have lost your mum and I hope your happy memories bring some comfort.
It doesn't matter how infrequently you see your friend, a true friend would make an effort to support you at a very difficult time. Let the friendship fade away, you can make much nicer friends.

There's more nice people than shitty people in the world, I promise xxx

I agree

Oh that's a lovely thing for say to someone who is grieving and clearly upset. Nice one.

Ahh so it’s another one of those tiresome childless people are so selfish posts then. Frankly she’s better off without you.
And yes, I do have kids.

I'm British and have been to the funerals of my friends' parents. I'm going to one in a couple of weeks time. The OP doesn't seem to have much of a relationship with this person though so I wouldn't have expected her to go.

OK fair enough, you felt you needed support. We’re all different. I pointedly asked my friends to not come to my mum’s funeral. Some of the ones that asked me if they could did not even know her beyond the odd chat at primary school pick ups and sports days and plays.

I didn’t need support and luckily for me, my mums funeral was not an extremely low point. Having said that, if I’d asked any one of my close friends to be there to support me, they’d have dropped everything.

This.

I'm British and I'd go if I'd met the parent. I may slip quietly away before the reception and only pay my respects at the service, but I'd go.
I went to a childhood friend's mum's funeral even though I hadn't seen her in nearly thirty years. Just because she was so kind to me as a child and I hadn't forgotten about it.

I think there are different types of 'friends' in life and the relationship dynamic can be quite different. There are friends where the whole focus is fun nights out, friends who are your support network, friends from work where things would fizzle out if you changed jobs and didn't see them daily etc.
I have two friends who would be at my parent's funeral. The majority wouldn't be because we don't have that kind of friendship. I wouldn't call on them for the serious stuff.

It sounds like you and this friend aren't close ( you've hoped for years it would fade out ). So I think her being at the funeral wouldn't have comforted you anyway. Sorry to hear about your mum.

I'm so very sorry you lost your mum and that you had to see her suffer in hospital. I lost my dad a little while ago and there's nothing like losing a parent. I hope you're OK.

I would suggest you don't actually say anything to her. At least right now. You have enough going on and you are grieving. You don't need the extra emotion and headspace that sending a response will give.
She's either going to take it badly - which you don't need
She's going to ignore you - which will leave you wondering what she's thinking and constantly on edge thinking every ping from your phone is is her
Or she will be nice - which mayale you feel guilty, which you don't need.
Just leave it for now and concentrate on you. You don't owe her a a parting explanation.

Well you want the friendship to fade away, you view her as childish and don’t really seem to like her (not sure what her reproductive and relationship status have to do with anything but anyway) so it sounds like she is probably matching your energy already. you don’t even believe that her damaged wrist is even a good reason for missing out on a lengthy bus journey that would have been uncomfortable for her. Let it go.

I wouldn’t bother with honesty. I’d just cancel the event and then ghost her.

Are you from a different culture by any chance? I only ask because my husband is and it’s normal for him to go to friends parents funerals, whereas I’m always confused by that - to me funerals are intimate and only for the closest people who knew the person well.

I’d probably go to my very oldest friend’s mums funeral if she wanted me to as I grew up with them but I wouldn’t even think to go to any others. I’d obviously send friends flowers/cards, but if I were to go to funerals just to support people then it would feel never ending.