Is this my fault

Oop someone is embarrassed and lashing out.

Don’t deflect, let’s savour the moment. You were so fixated on getting your spiteful “gotcha” moment that you made yourself look like a dullard who can’t spot blatant sarcasm 🤣 let’s bask in this moment.

I don’t think it’s a weird thing to say, it’s just an observation. But having a DD a similar age I do know that she proclaims every other thing I do or say to be “weird”, or I get “Urgh, don’t ever say that again!” 🤷🏻‍♀️

I do understand the walking on eggshells OP!

Are you serious? People have explained it over and over. It implies they are related, brother and sister. That’s an awful concept to imply. Who says that to anyone let alone your daughter, then twice!

You’re not listening though so, crack on.

@Difficultadultkids you screwed up. Just own it! Go and grovel to your DD and never refer to them as siblings again. Problem solved!

OP please just try and move on.

I think your daughters reaction was over the top. But clearly she was upset and I would say about half of the people here have said it was a weird thing to say. It is (I think) weird, in not a helpful thing to say.

Whether you or the other 50% of folks agree ir not, your dd feels that way.

She sounds like hard woirk but I have experienced hard work with my kids too.

It sounds very hard, you have had a very difficult time of it, and so has your daughter (difficult relationships) so please just try and move forward finding things that bring you joy.

All the best. Xx

Thanks for this. I thought I'd come across this idea before.

😂

I know what incest means. You are a bit contradictory... You say you're walking on eggshells around your daughter, but forget that she shut down your comment.

Incest because basically you've told her she's seeing a member of her family or someone who could.... actually it could be narcissism you're accusing her of, wanting to out with herself....

The OP describes him as a ‘new boyfriend’. This isn’t a couple who have been together for 30 years and have matching cagoules.

Well known? Is it? Never heard of that and it is a tad creepy

I think her reaction was a bit OTT too. I thought it was a well known 'joke' that couples tend to end up looking/dressing like each other long-term. Same as people matching their dog etc. I can see why she'd be annoyed but refusing to send any more photos is just petty.

I'm not sure why you felt you had to explain that sending photos to family members was "(just a thing we do)" as if it's not something very common to most people, though!

It doesn’t sound like you like your daughter much. Why are you so keen to see photos of her?

Can I live in your nice gated house and use your pool instead of your rude child please? I'm super resilient, love honking, always answer my phone and don't look anything like my DH.

And you don’t get when it’s good to keep your beak shut!

I dunno, I don't look anything like my siblings but I think I would fancy a male version of me 😂

But you don't say it again when that person has told you it upset them... unless you're a bully or a tone deaf idiot.

It's a really weird thing to comment on... you've basically told your daughter that's she got an incest thing going on!

That's such a weird thing to say tbh

I am completely obsessed with “same-face” couples. My husband and I could barely look more different! I find it fascinating people can be attracted to someone who looks like a sibling. BUT I wouldn’t say it to their faces!! Have some tact OP! You need to apologise and stop saying it.

So you admit it was an insult! Why say it twice then? Did you think she didn’t take onboard the insult enough the first time?

I don’t think it’s a weird thing to say! She sounds very sensitive, just leave her to it and she’ll calm down.

They’re not long lost siblings but if they’re the same ethnicity and from the same area and look remarkably alike it’s more than likely that they are distant cousins. That’s what people don’t like… you’re basically pointing out that they are likely to be somewhat related.

Now of course, many of us are distantly related to people in our home towns. But nobody likes the implication of some incest no matter how distant

My DS is 21, delightful most of the time but yesterday I was “breathing funny” apparently. He’s my fourth child so you’d think I’d have learned by now not to ask questions, say the wrong thing, breathe funny or wear that middle-aged scarf edged in coloured pom-poms, “oh hello Mr Tumble” was my greeting. He’s often on a bit of a hair trigger and of course I am weird/out of touch/know nothing of the world. I observed this in my oldest at that kind of age. Personally, I’ve waited 59 years for the chance to be weird and embarrassing and intend to enjoy it.

It’s all about separating from us and forging their own way. She knows you’ve observed her previous unhealthy relationships and she may feel you’re over-invested or too interested/enthusiastic so she is telling you to back off so I would do so. I’d apologise but don’t try too hard. As for the gate thing, I’d have no time for that prima donna flouncing either. Is it “home from university syndrome”? That’s popular at the moment among some.

They are adults in the official sense but in my experience (professionally and as a parent) many are still not that together and have a way to go emotionally between 18 and about 25.