Page 7 | Is this my fault

Difficultadultkids · 2026-06-29T18:40:00+00:00

My daughter’s past few bf’s haven’t treated her well. She now has a lovely new bf and I couldn’t be happier for her. We’ve always sent each other pics of what we’re up to (just a thing we do) and I love to see their selfies of them having fun and just being happy together. He lives a fair distance away so she goes to his for some weekends. About a month ago I commented how alike they looked. She replied saying it was a really weird thing to say. I’d totally forgotten I’d made this comment, and said two weeks ago “You do look alike.” This was not done on purpose. However, as a result she has told me I am not allowed to receive pics of them together due to me being weird. They’ve since been to a wedding and I’d spent ages helping her choose a dress and really looked forward to seeing the lovely pics but was only allowed to see the back of her and front of him. i get most of you will not understand how upsetting this is. The last few years of my life have been absolutely awful and this little sprinkle of happiness has really lifted me, but obviously it was too much to ask. For context I have never once asked for pics.

Original poster

Difficultadultkids · 29/06/2026 23:33

BravasPatatas · 29/06/2026 23:11

Hopefully you enjoy it more than you would have enjoyed having a relationship with your daughter!

Show quote history

Much more! Now run along back to your Boden website and leave me to deal with my entitled child.

OP posts:

NarkyMa · 29/06/2026 23:32

God forbid we upset our darling older children with an off the cuff comment that we haven't had time to screen for offensive content before it slipped out of one of our tired menopausal mouths. Let’s just tiptoe around them forever shall we? Just in case they decide to never speak to us again over practically nothing!

Jk987 · 29/06/2026 23:30

Sounds like you live in a tiny bubble and don’t get out much. You need more than photos to get your happiness. It’s not your daughters job to oblige.

Original poster

Difficultadultkids · 29/06/2026 23:27

ComedyGuns · 29/06/2026 23:12

I’m absolutely gobsmacked by the complete pile-on this poor woman is getting!!

Seriously, you’d think she’d slept with her DD’s BF for the judgement she’s getting!

She was maybe a little untactful, that’s all. Her DD and most posters on here need to get a grip (and perhaps be a little kinder).

Thank you but sadly the responses are indicative of today’s society and how kids are viewed. They are fully in charge and parents are expected to now and scrape.

Some of my responses have been shitty because only I know what a difficult kid she is and yes I am obviously often in the wrong but she has become one very selfish entitled girl who thinks she can call all the shots and it has to stop.

When I asked if she could afford board I was asked if I’d had a child just to make money out of her. The list is endless and this has been the icing on the cake. That I am no longer allowed to see pics as if she is some kind of celebrity when she absolutely knows that I have been so happy that she’s met someone nice. Well I actually don’t care anymore

OP posts:

AnonyMumAuDHD · 29/06/2026 23:27

Difficultadultkids · 29/06/2026 23:19

Nope! She didn’t set a boundary. We did not EVER discuss it. She typed three words. “That’s really weird.” It was not mentioned again which is why I totally forgot about it. It was not made into a big deal.

Show quote history

Ah, in that case I would simply go back and say, ‘I think I missed that this was really significant to you and that you were setting a boundary over those types of comments’, apologise, say you won’t ‘forget’ and say it again (I assume that you won’t now) and please can she start sharing the pictures again?

ETA just to add, I think her generation [my DD is this generation too] would actually consider a 3 word text as setting a boundary, even if we don’t.

MrsPapillon · 29/06/2026 23:19

ComedyGuns · 29/06/2026 23:12

I’m absolutely gobsmacked by the complete pile-on this poor woman is getting!!

Seriously, you’d think she’d slept with her DD’s BF for the judgement she’s getting!

She was maybe a little untactful, that’s all. Her DD and most posters on here need to get a grip (and perhaps be a little kinder).

I see this often. MN can be a nest of vipers when someone posts a problem about adult children. I think most commenters have young children and haven’t experienced those same problems yet. I usually chuckle to myself and think “Yeah, give it 15 years or so, you’ll change your tune!”

Original poster

Difficultadultkids · 29/06/2026 23:19

AnonyMumAuDHD · 29/06/2026 23:13

I think the issue is that you totally forgot that you had said something that your DD had told you she found weird. It’s not that you repeated a comment, it’s that your DD had a conversation with you where she made clear she found what it weird, and asked you not to do it again. And yet you said it again. She set a boundary and you ignored it?

you need to apologise not only for the comment but for not listening and respecting a clearly communicated boundary - this second bit is what this is all about.

Show quote history

Nope! She didn’t set a boundary. We did not EVER discuss it. She typed three words. “That’s really weird.” It was not mentioned again which is why I totally forgot about it. It was not made into a big deal.

OP posts:

Original poster

Difficultadultkids · 29/06/2026 23:15

latetothefisting · 29/06/2026 22:36

I think her reaction was a bit OTT too. I thought it was a well known 'joke' that couples tend to end up looking/dressing like each other long-term. Same as people matching their dog etc. I can see why she'd be annoyed but refusing to send any more photos is just petty.

I'm not sure why you felt you had to explain that sending photos to family members was "(just a thing we do)" as if it's not something very common to most people, though!

I explained it because I was expecting someone to suggest I was asking her to send them. I know you have to make everything crystal flea that’s all.

OP posts:

AnonyMumAuDHD · 29/06/2026 23:13

Difficultadultkids · 29/06/2026 19:53

As my post says, I totally forgot I’d said it. Have you never forgotten something?

Show quote history

I think the issue is that you totally forgot that you had said something that your DD had told you she found weird. It’s not that you repeated a comment, it’s that your DD had a conversation with you where she made clear she found what it weird, and asked you not to do it again. And yet you said it again. She set a boundary and you ignored it?

you need to apologise not only for the comment but for not listening and respecting a clearly communicated boundary - this second bit is what this is all about.

FWC2026 · 29/06/2026 23:12

Difficultadultkids · 29/06/2026 23:06

I truly don’t know but I do know I have had enough! It’s one thing after another I seem to be apologising for. Last week she blocked my car in and went out with her bf. I needed to go out so had to move it. I was the one in trouble for not reminding her to move it and then had a thirty minute lecture about how I’d parked it. I know most are blaming me here but it is truly no joke to tread on eggshells 24/7. I am literally apologising all the time but it’s stopping right now as of today.

Show quote history

Great.

ComedyGuns · 29/06/2026 23:12

I’m absolutely gobsmacked by the complete pile-on this poor woman is getting!!

Seriously, you’d think she’d slept with her DD’s BF for the judgement she’s getting!

She was maybe a little untactful, that’s all. Her DD and most posters on here need to get a grip (and perhaps be a little kinder).

BravasPatatas · 29/06/2026 23:11

Difficultadultkids · 29/06/2026 23:09

Oh I promise you I absolutely will. I am not being a doormat any longer.

Show quote history

Hopefully you enjoy it more than you would have enjoyed having a relationship with your daughter!

Original poster

Difficultadultkids · 29/06/2026 23:11

anotherdaytosmile · 29/06/2026 23:08

Oh, this is another wind up thread

I fell for it as well.

Back to the football

Edited

Show quote history

Please do message MN admin who will confirm that I am a genuine long term poster. Believe the post or don’t. I actually don’t care tbh

OP posts:

Original poster

Difficultadultkids · 29/06/2026 23:09

BravasPatatas · 29/06/2026 23:06

You sound lovely. This all sounds like a recipe for a fabulous mother and daughter relationship going forward.
Enjoy your spare room!

Show quote history

Oh I promise you I absolutely will. I am not being a doormat any longer.

OP posts:

anotherdaytosmile · 29/06/2026 23:08

Difficultadultkids · 29/06/2026 23:01

@Wingwalk Love this!! Yes you absolutely can! Soon to be a room free 😂
I think the responses on here explain why there are so many entitled kids in the world. I have been letting her get away with far too much.

So, I have just spoken to her and told her that she will have to rearrange her plans for her bf coming (they had three days planned) Friday til Sunday next weekend. I said that if I couldn’t see them together in pics then it would be way worse in person and I didn’t want to upset her anymore than I have. Therefore it’s best he doesn’t come. She wanted to know what she’s going to say to him. I told her to say that looking like him has really repulsed her.

Show quote history

Oh, this is another wind up thread

I fell for it as well.

Back to the football

happywifeandlife · 29/06/2026 23:08

Difficultadultkids · 29/06/2026 23:01

@Wingwalk Love this!! Yes you absolutely can! Soon to be a room free 😂
I think the responses on here explain why there are so many entitled kids in the world. I have been letting her get away with far too much.

So, I have just spoken to her and told her that she will have to rearrange her plans for her bf coming (they had three days planned) Friday til Sunday next weekend. I said that if I couldn’t see them together in pics then it would be way worse in person and I didn’t want to upset her anymore than I have. Therefore it’s best he doesn’t come. She wanted to know what she’s going to say to him. I told her to say that looking like him has really repulsed her.

Show quote history

You’re a sh*t mum OP. Really inappropriate.

oliviaAustin · 29/06/2026 23:07

Difficultadultkids · 29/06/2026 23:01

@Wingwalk Love this!! Yes you absolutely can! Soon to be a room free 😂
I think the responses on here explain why there are so many entitled kids in the world. I have been letting her get away with far too much.

So, I have just spoken to her and told her that she will have to rearrange her plans for her bf coming (they had three days planned) Friday til Sunday next weekend. I said that if I couldn’t see them together in pics then it would be way worse in person and I didn’t want to upset her anymore than I have. Therefore it’s best he doesn’t come. She wanted to know what she’s going to say to him. I told her to say that looking like him has really repulsed her.

Show quote history

So you upset her and now you’re punishing her… retaliation

Original poster

Difficultadultkids · 29/06/2026 23:06

DysmalRadius · 29/06/2026 22:55

She's your young person - why do you think she's so touchy and quick to anger over inconsequential things?

Show quote history

I truly don’t know but I do know I have had enough! It’s one thing after another I seem to be apologising for. Last week she blocked my car in and went out with her bf. I needed to go out so had to move it. I was the one in trouble for not reminding her to move it and then had a thirty minute lecture about how I’d parked it. I know most are blaming me here but it is truly no joke to tread on eggshells 24/7. I am literally apologising all the time but it’s stopping right now as of today.

OP posts:

anotherdaytosmile · 29/06/2026 23:06

Excellentsausages · 29/06/2026 22:55

I thought it was a well-known phenomenon, many couples look similar. I'd say pretty normal to point it out if perhaps thoughtless given your daughter's sensitivity.

Who on earth would welcome someone saying ‘you look alike” if you’re a sexual couple? Why would you ever point that out? It’s either saying you’re narcissistic where you want to sleep with yourself, or incest.

What would be another interpretation?

BravasPatatas · 29/06/2026 23:06

Difficultadultkids · 29/06/2026 23:01

@Wingwalk Love this!! Yes you absolutely can! Soon to be a room free 😂
I think the responses on here explain why there are so many entitled kids in the world. I have been letting her get away with far too much.

So, I have just spoken to her and told her that she will have to rearrange her plans for her bf coming (they had three days planned) Friday til Sunday next weekend. I said that if I couldn’t see them together in pics then it would be way worse in person and I didn’t want to upset her anymore than I have. Therefore it’s best he doesn’t come. She wanted to know what she’s going to say to him. I told her to say that looking like him has really repulsed her.

Show quote history

You sound lovely. This all sounds like a recipe for a fabulous mother and daughter relationship going forward.
Enjoy your spare room!

sweetsadine · 29/06/2026 23:02

Is it really so hard to see why she's upset by the comment? I think she is probably overreacting but let's face it no woman likes to be told she looks like a man and no man wants to resemble a woman. End of.

ComedyGuns · 29/06/2026 23:01

Ilovelurchers · 29/06/2026 19:48

Your daughter is being really weird, reacting like this. What is your relationship with her like generally?

Because if my daughter ever issued some weird edict like this, about what photos I could see and couldn't, I'd ask her what the fuck was going on with her. Just as she would ask me, if I started being similarly weird.

But I am assuming you don't have a straightforward relationship in which you can interact honestly about weird behaviour?

This. The previous judgy comments are really harsh IMO.

Original poster

Difficultadultkids · 29/06/2026 23:01

Wingwalk · 29/06/2026 22:29

Can I live in your nice gated house and use your pool instead of your rude child please? I'm super resilient, love honking, always answer my phone and don't look anything like my DH.

Show quote history

@Wingwalk Love this!! Yes you absolutely can! Soon to be a room free 😂
I think the responses on here explain why there are so many entitled kids in the world. I have been letting her get away with far too much.

So, I have just spoken to her and told her that she will have to rearrange her plans for her bf coming (they had three days planned) Friday til Sunday next weekend. I said that if I couldn’t see them together in pics then it would be way worse in person and I didn’t want to upset her anymore than I have. Therefore it’s best he doesn’t come. She wanted to know what she’s going to say to him. I told her to say that looking like him has really repulsed her.

OP posts:

DysmalRadius · 29/06/2026 22:55

Difficultadultkids · 29/06/2026 21:50

Let me explain! I posted this because I was genuinely interested to see opinions on it. I am not seeking validation from anyone.

You are also referring to one specific post where I listed things I do for her boyfriend which was simply in response to the poster who said I was trying to sabotage their relationship. I am not after a medal. I do those things willingly because he is lovely.

It’s a scientifically proven fact that often choose partners we look like.

I think we have all turned into a generation of snowflakes. It doesn’t bode well for the future. How do young people cope with life?

Show quote history

She's your young person - why do you think she's so touchy and quick to anger over inconsequential things?

Excellentsausages · 29/06/2026 22:55

I thought it was a well-known phenomenon, many couples look similar. I'd say pretty normal to point it out if perhaps thoughtless given your daughter's sensitivity.