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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU to end things immediately?

191 replies

MinnyMeen · 29/06/2026 18:05

Posting really for verification I wasn’t unreasonable in ending the relationship.

Met a man on a night out. Both mid forties. Exchanged numbers and spoke for around 3 months before we actually met for a date. Been dating for 5 months. I made it clear from day one that I wanted to take it slow as I have dc. He has no dc.

This past weekend we had a whole weekend date planned. I was staying at his from Friday-Sunday. Arrived around 8pm Friday night after work. We walked into town for dinner and on the way he went into the newsagents to grab a drink. I waited outside and as I waited a man was walking across the road (high street road not a main road) with a little puppy. I asked him I could stroke the puppy and we spoke for a couple of minutes about the breed and the puppy was giving me lots of cuddles. I have a dog and am a dog person. Not that it’s relevant but the gentleman was probably in his 70s and told me he got the puppy as his wife recently died and he’s retired so he wanted company. The whole conversation lasted a couple of minutes.

Partner comes out of the shop and has a face like thunder. Whilst I was still bent over stroking the puppy he tells me to get up and go. I say goodbye to the puppy and carried on walking with him. He’s now giving me the silent treatment and walking way ahead of me. I ask what’s wrong as I was genuinely confused and he said that I have no manners, I crossed over the road to stroke the puppy, I was on a date with him and that he needed attention too. Said I should’ve communicated to him that I was not going to be outside the shop and that I can’t just wander off. I literally walked about 6 steps to cross over the road and was right opposite the shop. He could see me at all times.

I told him I wasn’t hungry anymore and that I wanted to go back to his. As soon as we got back, I grabbed my things and left. He blew up my phone the entire way home but I didn’t answer. I text as soon as I got home and told him it was over. He’s been messaging so much since telling me that I’m out of order, I’m flakey, I don’t know how to have a relationship. I’ve now had to block him but he got another sim and messaged me from that. He said I gave up too easily and am making a mountain out of a molehill.

Was I right to end it there and then?

OP posts:
Petfan123 · 29/06/2026 20:22

So refreshing to see someone that understands their worth and can see the reg flags before it is too late. Good job 👏 dont look back u will find the one

bittertwisted · 29/06/2026 20:19

MinnyMeen · 29/06/2026 20:13

I do people please, I’m aware of that. I’m working on it. Thank you x

Me too, hence recognising it straight away

it’s very hard to break the habit, you should be very proud you didn’t start telling your ‘partner’ you understood why he was cross, you promise not to do it again, you understand how he feels, you will never as much as glimpse at a puppy again

blah, blah, blah 😕. It’s me all over and it comes from a deep sense of inadequacy and belief I am never good enough, everything is always my fault

you have absolutely aced this

now he is your ex significant other’ 😂

Cakeandcardio · 29/06/2026 20:19

Well he thought he could bully you about the dog and when you didn't let him, he really showed how nasty he can be and with all the blame on you about you giving up to easy and not one sorry in sight! Got what he deserves. Well done for being so strong!

Sassylovesbooks · 29/06/2026 20:18

You absolutely made the right choice. You are a grown adult, who is able to have a polite conversation with another person and stroke a dog, without needing permission from the man you're dating. His response was definitely a red flag, of him wanting control over you.

Keep any messages, in case you need them. Block him.

BobbysDazzler · 29/06/2026 20:18

MinnyMeen · 29/06/2026 18:56

I’m so sorry you had to go through that x

Bless you ❤️

I'm glad you are out of it and away from him, the ones that conceal their true personalities well really scare me as you fall in love not knowing, and you find out when it's too late 😞

loobylou10 · 29/06/2026 20:16

Well done op

BunnyLake · 29/06/2026 20:14

Well done for not putting up with his shit. 100% the right thing to dump the twat. 👏🏻👏🏻

MinnyMeen · 29/06/2026 20:13

bittertwisted · 29/06/2026 20:01

stop people pleasing !!!!!

there is nothing wrong with calling him partner/ boyfriend/ man friend/ companion/ fella

you have read the room and left, that is all that matters

you do not need to explain your terminology to anyone, your actions have spoken louder than any words

I do people please, I’m aware of that. I’m working on it. Thank you x

OP posts:
MinnyMeen · 29/06/2026 20:12

Elsvieta · 29/06/2026 19:57

Maybe the 3% think she was u to not tell the controlling misogynist arse where to get off the minute he "told her to get up and go". That's the only thing here that might perhaps be called a mistake.

Tbh it took me a few minutes because at first I thought he must be joking. Then I saw the anger on his face and it just triggered memories of exh and how he used to look before he turned on me. I spent 16 years with that man and learnt how minimise and placate him to get myself somewhat safe. My end goal was to get back to his so I could leave asap. Luckily we’d gone straight out to dinner when I got there so I hadn’t even unpacked my overnight bag. It was still by the front door. As soon as he opened the door to let us in, I grabbed the overnight bag and bolted to my car before he even realised what was going on. I had to pull over about 10mins down the road because I was shaking so much

OP posts:
FelixRyark · 29/06/2026 20:08

When someone tells you who they are, listen. YANBU. Your gut saved you.

whistlesandbells · 29/06/2026 20:04

This was 💯 the way to go! YANBU.

whippersnapper55 · 29/06/2026 20:03

Ooh no, you've done exactly the right thing! He showed you who he is - believe him. Possessive controlling insecure twat! Don't let him talk you round! Block and ignore

bittertwisted · 29/06/2026 20:01

MinnyMeen · 29/06/2026 19:07

He wasn’t really a partner that was more for ease of explanation and for want of a better word. We were seeing each other exclusively and saw each other at least twice a week but we didn’t live together and my dc had never met him or even know I’m dating anyone

stop people pleasing !!!!!

there is nothing wrong with calling him partner/ boyfriend/ man friend/ companion/ fella

you have read the room and left, that is all that matters

you do not need to explain your terminology to anyone, your actions have spoken louder than any words

Blackbookofsmiles1 · 29/06/2026 19:58

You’re an adult, who can decide to cross the road and stroke a puppy if she wants too. You don’t need permission, nor to “run it by anyone”, so the fact his mad you wasn’t waiting outside the shop like a tied up dog or that you was giving a puppy some attention is ludicrous! How can he be mad at that, absolute weirdo and he sounds dangerous having that type of thinking.

Elsvieta · 29/06/2026 19:57

CaptainMyCaptain · 29/06/2026 18:29

You absolutely did the right thing.

Who are the 3% saying YABU ffs?

Maybe the 3% think she was u to not tell the controlling misogynist arse where to get off the minute he "told her to get up and go". That's the only thing here that might perhaps be called a mistake.

MeganM3 · 29/06/2026 19:54

Wow I’m so impressed you acted SO quickly and decisively. You could teach many women a thing or too. Well done you. He is bad news.

Evaka · 29/06/2026 19:54

He's completely mad. You did everything right and I'm glad you posted here so others see a sensible response to a controlling whack job

IceLollly · 29/06/2026 19:53

Controlling lunatic! Jealous of a puppy!

LaurieFairyCake · 29/06/2026 19:50

At least you now know before getting heavily involved FlowersFlowers

what a fucking arsehole he was

FizzPlease · 29/06/2026 19:46

Well done OP. That sounds potentially very dangerous indeed and I am glad you are rid.

A Clare's Law application would be very telling, I am sure.

If he persists in contacting you, don't hesitate to contact the police.

Imdunfer · 29/06/2026 19:23

Well done for being so strong and decisive!

Lucky he showed his true colours so quickly and clearly.

Therealjudgejudy · 29/06/2026 19:17

Well done op for leaving there and then.

Jealous of a puppy?? What a weirdo 🤣

MinnyMeen · 29/06/2026 19:07

HoppityBun · 29/06/2026 19:03

I suggest that next time you don’t think of someone as your partner when you’ve only been dating for 5 months

He wasn’t really a partner that was more for ease of explanation and for want of a better word. We were seeing each other exclusively and saw each other at least twice a week but we didn’t live together and my dc had never met him or even know I’m dating anyone

OP posts:
toomuchfaff · 29/06/2026 19:06

Im glad you confirmed you left right there and then!

YADNBU

Run dont walk, block and dont look back!

TheGreatDownandOut · 29/06/2026 19:06

Well done OP you absolutely did the right thing! It’s so easy to talk yourself round after something like this with “maybe he was having a bad day” or “maybe he is right and I was being rude” and then the boundary pushing gets worse, the incidents get worse and before you know it you’re back in an abusive relationship again. They say the universe will keep sending you the same lesson until you finally learn it. His reaction to you leaving says it all. Hopefully he leaves you alone now.

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