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AIBU?

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Original poster

AIBU to end things immediately?

191 replies

MinnyMeen · 29/06/2026 18:05

Posting really for verification I wasn’t unreasonable in ending the relationship.

Met a man on a night out. Both mid forties. Exchanged numbers and spoke for around 3 months before we actually met for a date. Been dating for 5 months. I made it clear from day one that I wanted to take it slow as I have dc. He has no dc.

This past weekend we had a whole weekend date planned. I was staying at his from Friday-Sunday. Arrived around 8pm Friday night after work. We walked into town for dinner and on the way he went into the newsagents to grab a drink. I waited outside and as I waited a man was walking across the road (high street road not a main road) with a little puppy. I asked him I could stroke the puppy and we spoke for a couple of minutes about the breed and the puppy was giving me lots of cuddles. I have a dog and am a dog person. Not that it’s relevant but the gentleman was probably in his 70s and told me he got the puppy as his wife recently died and he’s retired so he wanted company. The whole conversation lasted a couple of minutes.

Partner comes out of the shop and has a face like thunder. Whilst I was still bent over stroking the puppy he tells me to get up and go. I say goodbye to the puppy and carried on walking with him. He’s now giving me the silent treatment and walking way ahead of me. I ask what’s wrong as I was genuinely confused and he said that I have no manners, I crossed over the road to stroke the puppy, I was on a date with him and that he needed attention too. Said I should’ve communicated to him that I was not going to be outside the shop and that I can’t just wander off. I literally walked about 6 steps to cross over the road and was right opposite the shop. He could see me at all times.

I told him I wasn’t hungry anymore and that I wanted to go back to his. As soon as we got back, I grabbed my things and left. He blew up my phone the entire way home but I didn’t answer. I text as soon as I got home and told him it was over. He’s been messaging so much since telling me that I’m out of order, I’m flakey, I don’t know how to have a relationship. I’ve now had to block him but he got another sim and messaged me from that. He said I gave up too easily and am making a mountain out of a molehill.

Was I right to end it there and then?

OP posts:
Neweraorwhat · 29/06/2026 22:10

Not normal behaviour, from him. At the very least he should have first enquired if you knew the dog/ the man! When couple break up, sometimes they split care of pets, so this puppy could be known to you for all he cared. I think I would have even abandoned my stuff at his and ran for dear life lol lol. And I don’t get frightened easily.

Sausagedog101 · 29/06/2026 21:48

You’ve had a lucky escape!

outerspacepotato · 29/06/2026 21:33

MinnyMeen · 29/06/2026 20:36

I spent 16 years in a very unhappy marriage where I did exactly this. I divorced in 2020 and this man is the first person I’ve dated as I honestly didn’t feel ready to get back out there. I’ve done a lot of therapy to get me to where I am now. I’m not 💯 there yet but I know I’ve come a long way.

The hardest part is not slipping back into my old habits as it’s so easily done. I did almost start apologising for upsetting him which is all I’ve ever known.

Show quote history

The work you've done regarding how your ex treated you is why you recognized his controlling red flag behaviour. And leaving immediately and breaking up over text, smart move. This guy is at least verbally abusive, controlling, and knows how to get around being blocked by changing his SIM, so he's done the stalker bit before.

If he calls again or tries to come around, tell him you're done and you'll call the police.

I'd say do the Freedom Program if you haven't already and read Why Does He Do That, available as a free PDF online.

outerspacepotato · 29/06/2026 21:22

His mega controlling mask slipped. Then he hid his # to text you abusive shit, like that's going to make you want to date him again.

You reacted appropriately and it looks like you dodged a big bullet. Watch your back.

PyongyangKipperbang · 29/06/2026 21:16

MinnyMeen · 29/06/2026 21:07

Thank you so much everyone for your lovely comments. I knew deep down I’d done the right thing. It’s that little voice in the back of
my head that makes me doubt myself. He did say that my past trauma has caused me to be paranoid and that I’m punishing him for my exh actions and that hit a nerve. He also said that I didn’t know how to let a man treat me right and that I was pushing him away because I was scared to get too close to
him. I just needed reassurance that I’d done the right thing.

What a fucking CUNT!!!!!!!!

Men who do shit like this should be painted red all over. "Oh just because your ex treated you badly, that means you assume I am too" WELL YOU ARE YOU FUCKING PIECE OF SHIT!!! Being less of a cunt doesnt mean you are not a cunt!

He took something you trusted him with and turned it into a stick to beat you with. I am feeling fucking murderous now.

SunnyRedSnail · 29/06/2026 21:14

@MinnyMeen You 100% made the right decision.

You did nothing wrong.

Your actions of chatting to an elderly (lonely) gentleman with a cute puppy were completely normal, and very sweet.

Lots of elderly people have dogs as it gives them company and also people then talk to them because of the dog. You probably made his day!

As for your date, his behaviour was controlling and unacceptable.

What was even more worrying was that he then got another SIM when you blocked his number. Very disturbing.

crackofdoom · 29/06/2026 21:13

Oh, I had this.

Full dress histrionics because as a group of people sitting round a table in the pub chatting, I had a long conversation with someone else. I "should have known " he needed attention. (How? He appeared to be happily chatting to someone else!)

To my shame, I didn't dump him for several weeks- we had a holiday booked 😳. He actually got worse, very much worse, on holiday, so I ended up dumping him while we were out there.

Netcurtainnelly · 29/06/2026 21:11

People's lives would be alot easier if they were friendly and easygoing.

Why don't people think before they blow up .

Original poster
MinnyMeen · 29/06/2026 21:07

Thank you so much everyone for your lovely comments. I knew deep down I’d done the right thing. It’s that little voice in the back of
my head that makes me doubt myself. He did say that my past trauma has caused me to be paranoid and that I’m punishing him for my exh actions and that hit a nerve. He also said that I didn’t know how to let a man treat me right and that I was pushing him away because I was scared to get too close to
him. I just needed reassurance that I’d done the right thing.

OP posts:
Aslana · 29/06/2026 21:01

What a horror. Showed true colours and you are very wise to block him before it got worse. Good to inform police just in case.

Gioia1 · 29/06/2026 20:55

@MinnyMeen If I knew then what I know now, I would have done exactly what you did. Good on you for not tolerating this behaviour.

Plasticdreams · 29/06/2026 20:54

Well done. I used to be very insecure and I ended up in a very abusive relationship that started like this. I’m sure you’re shaken up by it but you have undoubtedly done the right thing.

NoisyMonster678 · 29/06/2026 20:48

That was a red flag the size if a sky scraper, and good on you for getting the hell out there, the loser is a paranoid, controlling and dodgy as hell

bittertwisted · 29/06/2026 20:46

MinnyMeen · 29/06/2026 20:36

I spent 16 years in a very unhappy marriage where I did exactly this. I divorced in 2020 and this man is the first person I’ve dated as I honestly didn’t feel ready to get back out there. I’ve done a lot of therapy to get me to where I am now. I’m not 💯 there yet but I know I’ve come a long way.

The hardest part is not slipping back into my old habits as it’s so easily done. I did almost start apologising for upsetting him which is all I’ve ever known.

Show quote history

But you didn’t, and that is incredibly brave, I liken it to ripping my skin off, going against my natural instinct to panic and pacify

Skodacool · 29/06/2026 20:44

MinnyMeen · 29/06/2026 20:36

I spent 16 years in a very unhappy marriage where I did exactly this. I divorced in 2020 and this man is the first person I’ve dated as I honestly didn’t feel ready to get back out there. I’ve done a lot of therapy to get me to where I am now. I’m not 💯 there yet but I know I’ve come a long way.

The hardest part is not slipping back into my old habits as it’s so easily done. I did almost start apologising for upsetting him which is all I’ve ever known.

Show quote history

How you reacted to this control freak shows just how far you have come. I hope you can meet a decent bloke; you deserve to ❤️

AnonAnonmystery · 29/06/2026 20:43

You did amazing by not putting up with his shit for a second more than you had to, he doesn’t sound like a safe person and certainly someone you don’t want around your dc. Well done!

PyongyangKipperbang · 29/06/2026 20:43

MinnyMeen · 29/06/2026 20:36

I spent 16 years in a very unhappy marriage where I did exactly this. I divorced in 2020 and this man is the first person I’ve dated as I honestly didn’t feel ready to get back out there. I’ve done a lot of therapy to get me to where I am now. I’m not 💯 there yet but I know I’ve come a long way.

The hardest part is not slipping back into my old habits as it’s so easily done. I did almost start apologising for upsetting him which is all I’ve ever known.

Show quote history

But you DIDNT!!

You nearly did but you didnt! Thats massive progress! And you left straight away.

Well done, as a fellow survivor, I am proud of you.

DollydaydreamTheThird · 29/06/2026 20:43

Well there's the reason he has no kids. Women have been running away from him his whole life I imagine! Well done OP for getting out early.

SleepingStandingUp · 29/06/2026 20:40

you saw a red flag called controlling and needy and you needed it. then he waved a shit ton more red flags in your face . good dodge.

Original poster
MinnyMeen · 29/06/2026 20:36

bittertwisted · 29/06/2026 20:19

Me too, hence recognising it straight away

it’s very hard to break the habit, you should be very proud you didn’t start telling your ‘partner’ you understood why he was cross, you promise not to do it again, you understand how he feels, you will never as much as glimpse at a puppy again

blah, blah, blah 😕. It’s me all over and it comes from a deep sense of inadequacy and belief I am never good enough, everything is always my fault

you have absolutely aced this

now he is your ex significant other’ 😂

Show quote history

I spent 16 years in a very unhappy marriage where I did exactly this. I divorced in 2020 and this man is the first person I’ve dated as I honestly didn’t feel ready to get back out there. I’ve done a lot of therapy to get me to where I am now. I’m not 💯 there yet but I know I’ve come a long way.

The hardest part is not slipping back into my old habits as it’s so easily done. I did almost start apologising for upsetting him which is all I’ve ever known.

OP posts:
NeededANameChangeAnyway · 29/06/2026 20:32

The idea that making your own decision to go and see a puppy is being disrespectful just makes my mind boggle.

Honestly. People (men?) have no clue what respect actually means and just believe it's being in control of someone else.

Bristolandlazy · 29/06/2026 20:31

What a fucking dick head he is. Don't look back, good for you ignoring him. What an idiot.

Original poster
MinnyMeen · 29/06/2026 20:27

Bigtrapeze · 29/06/2026 18:12

OP, you have done exactly the right thing. So sorry your weekend worked out like this. Can you imagine what life would be like if you accepted this?

Just out of interest, what did he say the problem was? I am properly baffled by this reaction.

He said a fair bit in the messages but face to face he said I had disrespected him by walking off when I was on a date with him and not communicating to him where I was going. I then tired to explain (god knows why) that I just got a bit excited after seeing a puppy as it was very cute and I just wanted puppy cuddles. He said he’d seen me walk across the road from the shop and didn’t know where I was going and that I hadn’t even bothered telling him. I said I didn’t think I needed permission from him to stroke a dog. He said if there were 10 dogs on the road would you stroke all of them. I said yes, yes I would. I love dogs. He said I had no consideration for him and that we were on a date and I should be paying him attention. At this point I said he sounded absolutely ridiculous and that I’d lost my appetite and wanted to go home I then turned and started walking in the direction of his house.

OP posts:
NeededANameChangeAnyway · 29/06/2026 20:27

Well done you! What a twat. Keep prioritising your peace.

PyongyangKipperbang · 29/06/2026 20:26

I would suggest you answer him ONCE with a very clear message.

"I have ended our relationship, that decision will not be changing. Do not contact me any more, in any way. Any further communication will be considered harassment and reported to the police."

Then do a Clare's Law request, better safe than sorry.

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