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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU to end things immediately?

191 replies

MinnyMeen · 29/06/2026 18:05

Posting really for verification I wasn’t unreasonable in ending the relationship.

Met a man on a night out. Both mid forties. Exchanged numbers and spoke for around 3 months before we actually met for a date. Been dating for 5 months. I made it clear from day one that I wanted to take it slow as I have dc. He has no dc.

This past weekend we had a whole weekend date planned. I was staying at his from Friday-Sunday. Arrived around 8pm Friday night after work. We walked into town for dinner and on the way he went into the newsagents to grab a drink. I waited outside and as I waited a man was walking across the road (high street road not a main road) with a little puppy. I asked him I could stroke the puppy and we spoke for a couple of minutes about the breed and the puppy was giving me lots of cuddles. I have a dog and am a dog person. Not that it’s relevant but the gentleman was probably in his 70s and told me he got the puppy as his wife recently died and he’s retired so he wanted company. The whole conversation lasted a couple of minutes.

Partner comes out of the shop and has a face like thunder. Whilst I was still bent over stroking the puppy he tells me to get up and go. I say goodbye to the puppy and carried on walking with him. He’s now giving me the silent treatment and walking way ahead of me. I ask what’s wrong as I was genuinely confused and he said that I have no manners, I crossed over the road to stroke the puppy, I was on a date with him and that he needed attention too. Said I should’ve communicated to him that I was not going to be outside the shop and that I can’t just wander off. I literally walked about 6 steps to cross over the road and was right opposite the shop. He could see me at all times.

I told him I wasn’t hungry anymore and that I wanted to go back to his. As soon as we got back, I grabbed my things and left. He blew up my phone the entire way home but I didn’t answer. I text as soon as I got home and told him it was over. He’s been messaging so much since telling me that I’m out of order, I’m flakey, I don’t know how to have a relationship. I’ve now had to block him but he got another sim and messaged me from that. He said I gave up too easily and am making a mountain out of a molehill.

Was I right to end it there and then?

OP posts:
thestudio · 30/06/2026 15:03

Well done OP, you've clearly done a lot of work on your boundaries. You know you did the right thing - just a little bit more work to go now so that you completely trust yourself to read the red flags ( in this case, with flashing lights and a siren attached...)

Alittlefrustrated · 30/06/2026 14:59

You are fantastic OP. Bloody well done!
Going forward, I don't think I would share info about you past abusive relationship with dates. I think it suggests vulnerability which abusers are looking for.
Present the new confident kick ass you.

iamnotalemon · 30/06/2026 14:27

He needed attention too? Eurgh. Get rid of him! He would be the type to be jealous of your children too.

Husaria · 30/06/2026 14:18

Lucky escape.

HelloDenise · 30/06/2026 14:02

The minute whackos like him start using the word disrespect you know they're one of Tate's Mates.

HelloDenise · 30/06/2026 13:57

He was in a bloody shop at the time! What sort of attention does he need whilst shopping @MinnyMeen?

Massagetimemachine · 30/06/2026 13:00

You weren’t being unreasonable in the first place and his response confirms that you’re definitely not being unreasonable.

HelloDenise · 30/06/2026 12:56

Well done OP. If only more women acted like this at the first red flag.

Lemonpandas · 30/06/2026 12:44

Well done op
You did absolutely the right thing

pikkumyy77 · 30/06/2026 12:20

You are wonderful! Brilliantly done! Don’t worry about what it says about you that you dated him because it says you have very good judgment.

You dated him while he was mild mannered, respectful, and made you feel safe and you walked out instantly when he dropped the act and turned nasty. that is all any of us can do.

He was a skilled deceiver. You had the best of him and now someone else can take your leavings and have the rest of him.

Be very proud!

MageKing · 30/06/2026 12:14

I have a fairly strict line in the sand that if a man refers to a woman's behaviour as "disrespectful" at any point, I immediately suggest that she gets out as soon as she can. The word implies possession and that you need permission for anything you want to do. What exactly did he expet you to do... stare longingly into the shop while he was getting a drink? god forbid you'd got your phone out for some MN scrolling or taken a call.

Well done OP, you've clearly done the work after an abusive relationship.

omghereistrouble · 30/06/2026 12:07

showed his true colours there. any man who does not like dogs is not worth knowing

Cosyblankets · 30/06/2026 09:57

HoppityBun · 29/06/2026 19:03

I suggest that next time you don’t think of someone as your partner when you’ve only been dating for 5 months

She can call him what she likes
What does it matter?
She got out and that's all that's important!

TheThirteenthFairy · 30/06/2026 09:52

MinnyMeen · 29/06/2026 18:51

Thank you so much everyone. I was in a horribly abusive relationship previously (father of my dc) and it took me a long time to leave. I divorced in 2020 and he’s the first person I’ve dated since. I’ve worked on my boundaries but there is still a small part of me that second guesses and wonders if I overreacted due to my past trauma. I’m also a classic overthinker

I've not been up long and honestly, your post was a lovely start to my day. I salute you.

TheThirteenthFairy · 30/06/2026 09:46

Well, he had a vacancy Under His Thumb and he was auditioning you for the part. Good on you for ending it at once - and be glad he didn't save this behaviour for once you'd moved in together; they often do. No matter if he gets another sim. Keep on blocking.

Marwoodsbigbreak · 30/06/2026 07:40

If you haven’t already done so, just block him now. He’s enjoying telling you all about yourself and isn’t reflecting on his own behaviour at all.

Elsvieta · 30/06/2026 07:17

MinnyMeen · 29/06/2026 20:12

Tbh it took me a few minutes because at first I thought he must be joking. Then I saw the anger on his face and it just triggered memories of exh and how he used to look before he turned on me. I spent 16 years with that man and learnt how minimise and placate him to get myself somewhat safe. My end goal was to get back to his so I could leave asap. Luckily we’d gone straight out to dinner when I got there so I hadn’t even unpacked my overnight bag. It was still by the front door. As soon as he opened the door to let us in, I grabbed the overnight bag and bolted to my car before he even realised what was going on. I had to pull over about 10mins down the road because I was shaking so much

I get it; it's hard to even process in the moment when you hear something so mad. Well done for doing the right thing; stand firm. I hope he's stopped pestering you by phone now.

Imdunfer · 30/06/2026 07:12

Your therapist would be so proud of you!

Given what you've been through you have done amazingly. You're a role model for all the women, who are still being taught to appease these bullies.

BauhausOfEliott · 30/06/2026 00:19

Of course you were right to end it. He sounds like an absolute danger.

BunnyLake · 29/06/2026 22:52

MinnyMeen · 29/06/2026 21:07

Thank you so much everyone for your lovely comments. I knew deep down I’d done the right thing. It’s that little voice in the back of
my head that makes me doubt myself. He did say that my past trauma has caused me to be paranoid and that I’m punishing him for my exh actions and that hit a nerve. He also said that I didn’t know how to let a man treat me right and that I was pushing him away because I was scared to get too close to
him. I just needed reassurance that I’d done the right thing.

He’s sounding worse and worse. You’ve come a long way, you can see and acknowledge red flags, well done. You’re well rid!

ThatLilacTiger · 29/06/2026 22:50

I actually don't have the words for this one. Jesus Christ.

NotAnotherScarf · 29/06/2026 22:37

You've lost a prince there...not.

Well done for not putting up with his shit. I am male and when I was a teen I had a friend who was always popular with girls but never kept a girlfriend long. He went out with a girl for a while who confided he timed her if she went to the loo. Just in case she talked to anyone else...I was ok because I was "ugly" so he knew she wouldn't go off with me. Needless to say he's been divorced twice and I am not his mate anymore.... from about that moment actually 😂

igloopop · 29/06/2026 22:29

Run girl run. The fact that he got another sim is insane😂🤣 what kind of obsession is that

LibbyOTV · 29/06/2026 22:13

100% the right thing. So glad you did this and before your lives were any more intertwined. Wish other women would be this quick and divisive as soon as such a red flag comes up

phantomgirl22 · 29/06/2026 22:11

Hell yes. I dated on of those in my early 20’s! Jealously and possessiveness and all very controlling. He’s shown you who he is and you rightly ran!

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