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AIBU?

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Original poster

AIBU to end things immediately?

191 replies

MinnyMeen · 29/06/2026 18:05

Posting really for verification I wasn’t unreasonable in ending the relationship.

Met a man on a night out. Both mid forties. Exchanged numbers and spoke for around 3 months before we actually met for a date. Been dating for 5 months. I made it clear from day one that I wanted to take it slow as I have dc. He has no dc.

This past weekend we had a whole weekend date planned. I was staying at his from Friday-Sunday. Arrived around 8pm Friday night after work. We walked into town for dinner and on the way he went into the newsagents to grab a drink. I waited outside and as I waited a man was walking across the road (high street road not a main road) with a little puppy. I asked him I could stroke the puppy and we spoke for a couple of minutes about the breed and the puppy was giving me lots of cuddles. I have a dog and am a dog person. Not that it’s relevant but the gentleman was probably in his 70s and told me he got the puppy as his wife recently died and he’s retired so he wanted company. The whole conversation lasted a couple of minutes.

Partner comes out of the shop and has a face like thunder. Whilst I was still bent over stroking the puppy he tells me to get up and go. I say goodbye to the puppy and carried on walking with him. He’s now giving me the silent treatment and walking way ahead of me. I ask what’s wrong as I was genuinely confused and he said that I have no manners, I crossed over the road to stroke the puppy, I was on a date with him and that he needed attention too. Said I should’ve communicated to him that I was not going to be outside the shop and that I can’t just wander off. I literally walked about 6 steps to cross over the road and was right opposite the shop. He could see me at all times.

I told him I wasn’t hungry anymore and that I wanted to go back to his. As soon as we got back, I grabbed my things and left. He blew up my phone the entire way home but I didn’t answer. I text as soon as I got home and told him it was over. He’s been messaging so much since telling me that I’m out of order, I’m flakey, I don’t know how to have a relationship. I’ve now had to block him but he got another sim and messaged me from that. He said I gave up too easily and am making a mountain out of a molehill.

Was I right to end it there and then?

OP posts:
HelloDenise · 01/07/2026 09:26

I love this thread. Obviously I'm sorry it happened but so chuffed to see two women if not more getting rid of these samples the minute the mask slips. They're total whackos but did you both a favour so you could get out sharpish.

I used to think if this happened to me I'd brought it on myself and people please. Not any more.

UnintentionalArcher · 30/06/2026 23:07

Bloody hell, @Delladuck. That guys sounds terrifying! What an extreme situation. So good that you weren’t already with him - but did he really think you’d actually meet him after he’d sent you that message? He sounds very dangerous.

@MinnyMeen You have 100% done the right thing. Well done.

Wagyue · 30/06/2026 22:25

Well done OP.
Be so proud of how far you have come.
Peace is priceless.

Delladuck · 30/06/2026 21:49

BunnyLake · 30/06/2026 17:43

Thank god you were wearing Uggs as you might not have known to get on the next train back! 😧

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Exactly

He came across as lovely online

(which is why id agreed to meet him)

I remember looking at my feet and thinking 'fuck this, I've saved up for months for these,he's not telling me what to wear'

I saw him with an angry look on his face,looking for me as I legged it

I got some very snotty messages but I just ignored them

AnAutumnCrow · 30/06/2026 20:33

Carpedimum · 30/06/2026 18:14

Very, very well-handled @MinnyMeen 👏🏻

@MinnyMeen and @Delladuck and all the others too! ❤

Isitevensummer · 30/06/2026 20:24

Changing sims to message you is mental - not that the initial blow up is not crazy too, but he went from immature, needy and weird to stalker. Thank god you trusted your instincts.

IdenticalHandTwin · 30/06/2026 20:21

MinnyMeen · 29/06/2026 18:55

There have been times when he’s pushed the boundaries and tried to love bomb. I pulled him up on it every time and he always backed off and respected my boundaries. Or so I thought. Starting to think that it was a front and the masked slipped and he couldn’t keep it up anymore. The look on his face when he spoke to me is what really did it to me. He looked really angry and I’ve never seen that side of him before. He’s quite mild mannered usually.

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That part about 'the look on his face' is really chilling. I had a similar brief relationship with a man, love bombing etc. One evening we were heading out, all dressed up etc and as we were waiting for the taxi I looked at him, he was fuming. Full on flared nostrils and fast breathing, he could barely contain his anger. I asked what was wrong and he snarled 'You didn't tell me I look nice'. I laughed as I thought he was joking.

Nope, he wasn't joking and ranted how he'd spent an hour getting ready and I didn't compliment him. That evening wasn't great, he accused me of getting 'wasted' (I had two drinks) and embarrassing him. He didn't come home with me, he got dumped at his own place in the taxi later little prick Then spent a month threatening suicide.

FML what's wrong with these men 🤔

PunishmentRoundupWithJoon · 30/06/2026 19:45

He's giving you time to "..calm down... - What an absolute knob!

He thinks that once you've "calmed down" you'll come to your senses and realise what a dreadful mistake you've made 😂

Oh dear. He's utterly pathetic.

Pessismistic · 30/06/2026 19:33

omg op what a control freak glad your not heartbroken by this. that relationship would have never ended happily he really needs to get his control issues sorted out. Pity there isn’t a forum like this for women where you could worn others of all these horrible fuckers.

dh280125 · 30/06/2026 19:32

He's mental, well done.

PrettyLittleRose · 30/06/2026 19:26

Ha ha ha ha ha, a middle aged man jealous of a cute little puppy! 😂 My DH would have whizzed past me on our first date to fuss over a little puppy, and I would have been a few feet behind him.

@MinnyMeen He sounds like a hugely inadequate POS and you are better off without him. As some posters have said, he has shown you who he is very early on. A spoilt, immature attention seeking prick.

Bin him off.

Twinmum0822 · 30/06/2026 19:11

You were not unreasonable in the slightest please stick to your guns. He sounds vile. I am still now having to block 2 exes, one from 23 years ago and another 11 years ago because they create new profiles on SM and try adding me. There are some crazy people out there, stay safe.

Error404FucksNotFound · 30/06/2026 18:56

MJagain · 29/06/2026 18:12

This.

If more women reacted to reg flags appropriately, half the tragic threads in here wouldn’t need to exists.

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What i notice on threads like this is the number of women saying give the bloke another chance!!!

Not this one, thankfully, but the number of tihreads where someone describes awful behaviour and gets lots of give him a chance nobody's perfect explain it to him blah blah replies make me raging mad.

Keepthecat · 30/06/2026 18:49

Walk away! Someone who's jealous of a dog???

Carpedimum · 30/06/2026 18:14

Very, very well-handled @MinnyMeen 👏🏻

BunnyLake · 30/06/2026 17:43

Delladuck · 30/06/2026 15:41

Moons ago,I 'met' a bloke online

I agreed to travel by train to meet him in the flesh

About 3/4 of the way there he asked what I was wearing so he knew what clothing to look out for

'Jeans,tee shirt,leather jacket and black uggs'

He went mental at me-it was all 'your my woman now!no woman of mine wears slag slippers!i fucking hate them!how dare you wear them!'

I got off the train,walked to the next platform and jumped on the train home

I got endless messages telling me 'how fucking dare you wear fucking uggs' and 'you will come back,get on your knees and grovel to me for wearing fucking uggs'

I ignored/blocked him and it died down as I knew it would

If he'd known where I lived,I would have got in touch with the police

As it is now,if I've wandered off,my dp just looks out for anyone with a dog as its guaranteed I'll be fussing it

He just rolls his eyes at me

You did good-he didn't even bother hiding his red flags

Thank god you were wearing Uggs as you might not have known to get on the next train back! 😧

Original poster
MinnyMeen · 30/06/2026 17:37

Delladuck · 30/06/2026 15:41

Moons ago,I 'met' a bloke online

I agreed to travel by train to meet him in the flesh

About 3/4 of the way there he asked what I was wearing so he knew what clothing to look out for

'Jeans,tee shirt,leather jacket and black uggs'

He went mental at me-it was all 'your my woman now!no woman of mine wears slag slippers!i fucking hate them!how dare you wear them!'

I got off the train,walked to the next platform and jumped on the train home

I got endless messages telling me 'how fucking dare you wear fucking uggs' and 'you will come back,get on your knees and grovel to me for wearing fucking uggs'

I ignored/blocked him and it died down as I knew it would

If he'd known where I lived,I would have got in touch with the police

As it is now,if I've wandered off,my dp just looks out for anyone with a dog as its guaranteed I'll be fussing it

He just rolls his eyes at me

You did good-he didn't even bother hiding his red flags

You know now I that I think about it, he has made comments in the past about my outfit choices. Especially recently as the weather has been so hot.

OP posts:
RosieLeaLovesTea · 30/06/2026 17:37

You totally did the right thing. Well done. Major red flags!

Original poster
MinnyMeen · 30/06/2026 17:33

Thank you everyone for your support and confirming I made the right decision. I also spoke to my best friend who said she was proud of me as she always pulls me up on being a people pleaser and ‘yes man’. She says I apologise too much, even when I haven’t done anything wrong, and it’s a habit I’m trying to get out of.

He did get another sim today and messaged to say that he is giving me some space to calm down and rethink my decision. I text him what a some posters on here suggested and told him I no longer wish to speak to him, ever, and that there was zero chance I would ever reconsider the relationship or even want to be friends with him. I also told him not to contact me anymore and that I would be keeping all messages and reporting it as harassment if he contacted me again. I then blocked the new number. I’m hoping that’s the end of it.

On the plus side I have just booked my first ever overseas holiday for me and the dc which I am both terrified and excited for. I have 4 dc, 2 secondary, 2 primary so it is daunting but a few years ago I never thought I would be in a position to be able to do this all by myself.

Also, I’ve name changed for this post but I did used to post quite a lot when I was in the beginning stages of divorce. The mumsnet hive helped me so much and gave me strength and courage I didn’t even know I have so I will be forever grateful

OP posts:
FairyBatman · 30/06/2026 15:45

I voted wrong sorry! YWNBU and you had a lucky escape that he showed you what a prick he was so quickly.

Delladuck · 30/06/2026 15:41

Moons ago,I 'met' a bloke online

I agreed to travel by train to meet him in the flesh

About 3/4 of the way there he asked what I was wearing so he knew what clothing to look out for

'Jeans,tee shirt,leather jacket and black uggs'

He went mental at me-it was all 'your my woman now!no woman of mine wears slag slippers!i fucking hate them!how dare you wear them!'

I got off the train,walked to the next platform and jumped on the train home

I got endless messages telling me 'how fucking dare you wear fucking uggs' and 'you will come back,get on your knees and grovel to me for wearing fucking uggs'

I ignored/blocked him and it died down as I knew it would

If he'd known where I lived,I would have got in touch with the police

As it is now,if I've wandered off,my dp just looks out for anyone with a dog as its guaranteed I'll be fussing it

He just rolls his eyes at me

You did good-he didn't even bother hiding his red flags

Hicupping · 30/06/2026 15:35

Great decision.

LittlestBoho · 30/06/2026 15:19

HelloDenise · 30/06/2026 13:57

He was in a bloody shop at the time! What sort of attention does he need whilst shopping @MinnyMeen?

Exactly! Did he want the OP pressing her face against the shop window glass peering in at him like she was the puppy?

OP Well done for immediately dumping him. He's a ridiculous joke. "You don't know how to let a man treat you right" What, by shouting at you in the street because you dared to cross a road without his permission?

For the future though, I would advise you not to tell boyfriends about your exes past abuse until they are well tried and tested. For some reason a lot of men hear of another man abusing you and instead of feeling empathy, instead think 'she let him hurt her, so she should let me hurt her too'. They use your past abuse to manipulate you (as he was doing in his texts re: saying your past trauma made you paranoid). You can't show them any weakness or give them any ammunition unfortunately.

CalmTheFuckDownMargaret · 30/06/2026 15:11

It sounds to me like you have 100% made the right decision. The anger, the sulking, the silent treatment, the demand for attention - it’s all absolutely pathetic. Good for you for trusting your instincts and reacting quickly. He can sulk at home alone now. Was he expecting you to know your place and fuss over him and soothe him after his outburst, like a mummy would do to a toddler? He’s pathetic!

thestudio · 30/06/2026 15:04

Alittlefrustrated · 30/06/2026 14:59

You are fantastic OP. Bloody well done!
Going forward, I don't think I would share info about you past abusive relationship with dates. I think it suggests vulnerability which abusers are looking for.
Present the new confident kick ass you.

And I agree with this - at least not until a couple of years in when you've absolutely established that you've seen the real him, during downs as well as ups.

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