To ask you if you’d date this man?

Hell no. I am always suspicious of a man who slags off his exes.

Yep!

Let’s just assume that he’s being totally honest about his circumstances. Even then, why the fuck would you want to get embroiled in all that? And trust me, you will become embroiled. It’s just not your problem.

Is a relationship really worth that amount of hassle, stress, disruption, especially when it’s not your own hassle, stress, disruption.

Harsh on him I know, but you need to look out for yourself. You owe him nothing.

No because I just think there must be better options out there. Sounds like the sort of situation a woman would wilfully enter despite knowing the details then realise a year or so down the line HE is definitely the issue when it was obvious all along. Just find someone without the shit drama.

Objectively is this the drama and dynamic you want in your life now and for your future?

Any man in this situation, who prioritises finding a new woman rather than fighting to mend his relationship with his child is a walking red flag.

No

This is a man who has no business dating right now. He is not divorced yet. More importantly, he has substantial issues with his teenage child that should be his primary focus. His time, money, and energy should be going towards his troubled child, not his social life.

That the man thinks he has room for dating in his life shows that he is not dating material.

Do not date that man OP!

You’re not in the NW are you?! I had a date with a guy who was clearly a walking red flag and he sounds as awful as yours. Not 2 minutes into our drinks, he’d launched into a tirade about his ex and how his 14 yo had been ‘manipulated’ against seeing him. Apparently the family courts ‘always’ take the mums side and so he’s not allowed to see his teen at all. Knowing what I do about family courts, I knew he was talking utter BS and couldn’t get away from him quick enough. Later that night he texted me to say he’d love to see me again as he’d enjoyed our ‘chat’ I.e him ranting at me and me leaving in less than hour! Delusional and dangerous.

I would have said “avoid avoid” but I am watching the kindest person I know go through exactly this scenario. Child living with the other parent and has manipulated said child so that they don’t want the other parent in their life despite the court advising against this. It’s awful to watch unfold. Children are so easy to manipulate.

Does he say why his child refuses to see him?

I'd be insulted if a man expected me to believe such drivel.

Shit men like this follow a boring script about why are failures as a parent, zero effort with their child, zero effort trying to get sex from literally anyone.

So in all that time he didn’t step up with the parenting to try and help or guide or discipline his child?

He has time to do interesting hobbies, travel hasn’t he? Whilst the other parent gets all the parenting and the blame. It’s much easier shouting on the sidelines isn’t it?

He hasn’t given a whiff that he might have just contributed to all of this.

If the child is above a certain age, that wouldn't apply.

Although I completely understand why the 'crazy ex' trope is one that can be a red flag, I do also know more than one man (family members and close friends of mine) who really do have abusive exes who have behaved horrifically to them and have manipulated and weaponised their children in the split. And it would be extremely unfair if those men weren't able to talk about it, or were blamed for it, when starting a new relationship.

Like I say - I completely understand why it can be a huge red flag and that some men are indeed spinning a lie to excuse their own awful behaviour. I would, in some cases, be very wary indeed.

But I would certainly caution against assuming that's always the case, because everyone, male or female, can be a victim of abuse/control, and it helps nobody if men are expected to hide that and never talk about it for fear they'll be blamed or treated as damaged goods.

Do you have a house?

So he presumably has applied to court for access?

Old enough to choose not to see their Dad but young enough to be “manipulated”?

Hmmm

Of course he says these things, do you really think he's going to come out with "I can't be fussed to see my daughter, and that's my choice."

Why is he even thinking about dating? If I was in that position I'd be moving heaven and earth, going to court and my sex life would be the last priority.

Honestly, he probably just wants somewhere to live and you seem to be convenient.

I'll bet he hasn't been house hunting has he? Even though his house is up for sale.

No, I wouldn’t.

I wouldn’t date anyone going through a divorce, messy or otherwise.

I wouldn’t date anyone with those kinds of personal issues, or someone who doesn’t see their child (regardless of the reason).

Life is too short to spend my time on someone else’s drama. I would want simple, uncomplicated. This is neither, it’s a shit show waiting to happen.

No

The fact he doesn’t see his teen child would put me off even if he was divorced…

No

So he won't bother and blames the mom.

He can fuck off with that bullshit.

You would be nuts or completely desperate to date this guy.

Is he paying maintenance?

This too.