To ask you if you’d date this man?

😂😂😂 Same

I think the OP has been dickmatised

No. Wait for the dust to settle.

One step away from being a cocklodger!

His house is up for sale, i can bet hes not actively looking for suitable accommodations, well aside from trying to find a new relationship, someone with a house - 2 birds one stone!

Tricky one !!!
I wouldn't take too much on other people opinions because he may be telling the truth he may be still hurting and lashing out (bad mouthing ex)
Or on the other hand he could be a bastard the only way u will know is if U go in with your EYES WIDE OPEN !!
Go with your gut and don't let him love bomb u it shouldn't take long to see the truth especially if U have strong boundaries and u stick to them !
The reason I say there are 2 sides I have seen what my son's ex did to him and in the beginning he was super angry and hurt ! And he did mad mouth her (no children involved thou and why isn't he getting social involved if she is such a bad parent )

That’s a very good point actually. With my DP, his ex often makes lurid claims of historic abuse against him and says that she’s terrified of him but she will take every opportunity available to see him, will engineer every situation you could imagine why she needs to contact him, why she needs to come over, why she needs to discuss something apparently crucial with him (that is totally unimportant). He wants no contact and tries hard to avoid it whereas she seeks it out at every cost. If they’re at school events, she will drag her chair over to sit next to him. He usually brings spare bags along so that he can barricade himself 😂 She will also text him and demand he drops things off at hers and will change arrangements at the last minute to try to mess with his head. Oh and she also sometimes tells the kids that they might be getting back together.

So yes, a claimed narcissistic ex who has had no contact for a year would raise a red flag because that categorically is not how they behave at all.

Tell us some more about “when things got volatile” …

hhhmmm I think I would but I would be very wary that he could be the problem there however maybe he is being truthful (yes I understand some times crazy ex is actually crazy him but not every time) so if I liked him a lot I would at least give him a chance.

no because I'm married

but in an imaginary world where I'm single I'd say:

no because I would not trust a man who had no contact with his child

I agree, but in these situations whether the crazy ex is male or female it is all the more important for the 'victim' to take their time to heal and have the space to navigate the shit show without the complication of a new romantic relationship.

So if the bloke OP was considering was divorced and a couple of years down the line, i think it would be harsh to discount him completely based on what she has said, rather than approaching with caution and pragmatism like she would (hopefully) do in any new relationship.

My new partner has a similar back story but is a couple of decades out the other end of it. I was/am still cautiously sceptical, but judge him by his behaviour and actions with me.

I’ll go against the grain. There is a lot of stereotyping about men using the ‘crazy ex’ stuff but spiteful, unpleasant women do exist. I would find out more about the situation before making a decision. If you like him and he’s a good guy it seems a bit over zealous to end it all because he’s going through a messy divorce. Obviously we all have boundaries of what we want/are willing to tolerate in a relationship and some people can’t be doing with anything that can be perceived as drama which is fair enough.

But having lived through my own fair share of drama I know it doesn’t define me as a person or partner.

Agree. He’s the narc who has stayed in the family home whilst his wife and vulnerable troubled child have been turfed out of their home.

His DC and Ex not in contact maybe a non-mol order?

Even if I was heterosexual, no way. Too much shit to deal with.

Absolutely not.

Quite apart from who was right or wrong in his past relationship, I wouldn't date anyone who's right in the middle of sorting all this.

I don't know why people leap into dating without getting their affairs in order first.

Are you looking for a boyfriend or a project?

No

Realistically if I had that situation then I wouldn’t date him, no. It would likely be a shitshow with the angry teen daughter and the ex wife as well. However, my DP had that sort of thing with his ex wife. She was a narcissist and she was abusive. He divorced when the kids were young and she was okay at first because she’d left for her affair partner. However, that didn’t work out and as soon as she ditched the AP, she focused her attention back on my DP, using the kids as weapons. Then she got a new partner and was okay for a while and then it started up again, again with using the kids as weapons.

So the being wary of the crazy ex trope isn’t always true. There are plenty of abusive male and female exes out there and they will invariably use the kids because that’s the only hold they have over the other person. I’ve seen it happen to both men and women but often people will automatically disbelieve a man who experiences it because we are often told we should always believe women.

But personally I’d steer clear and I probably would have had I known what would happen. It’s not my DP’s fault any more than it’s any abuse victim’s fault. He just made a shitty shitty choice in marrying and having kids with someone. A mistake likely to haunt him for a long long time, possibly forever.

There are a million reasons not to touch him with a bargepole, but even if it's all true and he's only excercised shockingly bad judgement by having a child with a dreadful woman, why would you want that to become part of your life, and, why would you want to get involved with a man who's about to need somewhere to live?

No

Always a red flag when they put 100% of the blame for a marriage breakup on their ex.
Also his ex is to blame for the Child’s behaviour? Shows he thinks raising kids is the mum’s responsibility alone, and what kind of father makes his child leave the family home?

God no. Doesn't see his kid. Does he pay towards his kid? His ex won't be anywhere near him. His kid has been "turned against him" . He's the victim and she's crazy.

Long story short. He's abusive.

If she was abusive, she wouldn't be refusing to see him, because she'd want to continue abusing him. Abusers want to continue contact. Victims want to end contact.

@toomuchfaff Your reply articulates everything that is wrong with that man's responses.

Absolutely not. It's worrying that you even need to ask the question.

The hills would be alive with the sound of my footsteps running as fast as I possibly could away from this man.

What's the attraction? Is he packing something generous in the nether region?

No,too much baggage. It won’t end well

If you like him, why not keep seeing him?

The daughter heard, witnessed, or actually experienced something during that fight that has made her afraid of her father. That's why she refuses to see him and he won't push it in court because whatever happened will come out.

So is he paying maintenance and do you own a home? Do you have kids?