To ask you if you’d date this man?

I know. I don’t think I’d have believed his ex back then anyway. Selfishly, I’m hoping it helps to steer him towards less antagonistic behaviour and gives him motivation to move the divorce forward. But I would not wish what I’ve been through and am still going through on anyone 😔

Hell, no. And aside from the obvious red flags, what kind of man stays in the family home while the wife and child have to move out?

Full disclosure. I’m the ‘crazy narcissist’ ex. I’ve just found out he is indeed dating.

I am divorcing him thanks to the wisdom of the women of MN after I posted a few AIBU and was helped to understand his behaviour wasn’t acceptable and I’m getting more used to labelling it as abuse - I’ve been told it was by many people but for some reason I find it hard to accept that label. It’s shameful I guess.

I can not believe that someone is dating him! But then he was completely convincing about his ex when I met him and he’s so convincing that I even believe that I am completely to blame still sometimes. It’s a total mind f**k.

But it’s helpful to know that most of you would see the warning signs. I just hope this woman keeps a healthy scepticism and doesn’t get too embroiled too quickly. Although it took me many many years to clock the issues and I’m not stupid.

Anyway, apologies for the subterfuge. I wanted to hear objective views.

Full disclosure. I’m the ‘crazy narcissist’ ex. I’ve just found out he is indeed dating.

I am divorcing him thanks to the wisdom of the women of MN after I posted a few AIBU and was helped to understand his behaviour wasn’t acceptable and I’m getting more used to labelling it as abuse - I’ve been told it was by many people but for some reason I find it hard to accept that label. It’s shameful I guess.

I can not believe that someone is dating him! But then he was completely convincing about his ex when I met him and he’s so convincing that I even believe that I am completely to blame still sometimes. It’s a total mind f**k.

But it’s helpful to know that most of you would see the warning signs. I just hope this woman keeps a healthy scepticism and doesn’t get too embroiled too quickly. Although it took me many many years to clock the issues and I’m not stupid.

Anyway, apologies for the subterfuge. I wanted to hear objective views.

Full disclosure. I’m the ‘crazy narcissist’ ex. I’ve just found out he is indeed dating.

I am divorcing him thanks to the wisdom of the women of MN after I posted a few AIBU and was helped to understand his behaviour wasn’t acceptable and I’m getting more used to labelling it as abuse - I’ve been told it was by many people but for some reason I find it hard to accept that label. It’s shameful I guess.

I can not believe that someone is dating him! But then he was completely convincing about his ex when I met him and he’s so convincing that I even believe that I am completely to blame still sometimes. It’s a total mind f**k.

But it’s helpful to know that most of you would see the warning signs. I just hope this woman keeps a healthy scepticism and doesn’t get too embroiled too quickly. Although it took me many many years to clock the issues and I’m not stupid.

Anyway, apologies for the subterfuge. I wanted to hear objective views.

Hell, no. And aside from the obvious red flags, what kind of man stays in the family home while the wife and child have to move out?

I’ll go against the grain. There is a lot of stereotyping about men using the ‘crazy ex’ stuff but spiteful, unpleasant women do exist. I would find out more about the situation before making a decision. If you like him and he’s a good guy it seems a bit over zealous to end it all because he’s going through a messy divorce. Obviously we all have boundaries of what we want/are willing to tolerate in a relationship and some people can’t be doing with anything that can be perceived as drama which is fair enough.

But having lived through my own fair share of drama I know it doesn’t define me as a person or partner.

I agree, but in these situations whether the crazy ex is male or female it is all the more important for the 'victim' to take their time to heal and have the space to navigate the shit show without the complication of a new romantic relationship.

So if the bloke OP was considering was divorced and a couple of years down the line, i think it would be harsh to discount him completely based on what she has said, rather than approaching with caution and pragmatism like she would (hopefully) do in any new relationship.

My new partner has a similar back story but is a couple of decades out the other end of it. I was/am still cautiously sceptical, but judge him by his behaviour and actions with me.

Things got volatile between them and they had a massive row. That was the trigger.

He says he’s desperate to be in his child’s life.

Tricky one !!!
I wouldn't take too much on other people opinions because he may be telling the truth he may be still hurting and lashing out (bad mouthing ex)
Or on the other hand he could be a bastard the only way u will know is if U go in with your EYES WIDE OPEN !!
Go with your gut and don't let him love bomb u it shouldn't take long to see the truth especially if U have strong boundaries and u stick to them !
The reason I say there are 2 sides I have seen what my son's ex did to him and in the beginning he was super angry and hurt ! And he did mad mouth her (no children involved thou and why isn't he getting social involved if she is such a bad parent )