To ask you if you’d date this man?

No.

No 🚩🚩🚩

I have questions.

He’s in the middle of a divorce. - who instigated the divorce? I'm guessing the ex wife. Why are they divorcing?

They haven’t had contact in person for over a year. What ownership is he taking about his communication that they have not spoken for a year?

His ex has moved out of the family home to a smaller rented home and won’t see him face to face. Why was she the one that had to move out? With their teenage child? Why is it so acrimonious she will not speak to him?

Has a teenage child that he doesn’t see. Teenagers have their own working brains. What did the child witness and experience that means they do not want to talk to their dad?

He says she has turned the child against him and she is an abusive narcissist. - he is telling you what he is here. No court in the land would award custody to an obviously abusive parent. While it obviously does happen, why was he spending so little time with his child that someone could turn the child against him?

Nothing comes up on Claire’s law about him - that just means he has not been reported with the former

The child apparently has behavioural issues due to his ex’s poor parenting in his view. - this pisses me off the most. Why was she the only person parenting their child? If he was that concerned why did he not intervene and parent their child? Maybe the child has behavioural issues because his dad is a deadbeat that blames his wife for everything.

And if you are his next wife you can expect the same. Run. RUN!

Ok just saw the update. Oh OP, I am so glad you are out of his orbit and free now x

Never

This man has more red flags than a Communist Party rally. If I were single I wouldn't go near him 🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩

I'm glad you're out of it now OP ❤️

My ex did and he was extremely abusive. He was also in a new relationship so quickly and acting all hard done by.

He’s in the middle of a divorce. Nope

His ex has moved out of the family home to a smaller rented home and won’t see him face to face. Nope

Has a teenage child that he doesn’t see. Nope
He says she has turned the child against him and she is an abusive narcissist. Nope
The child apparently has behavioural issues due to his ex’s poor parenting in his view.Nope - just his ex's poor parenting I assume his was absolutely perfect?

even if any of what he says is true which I seriously doubt -Nope

A no strings affair, maybe. Just for the sex.
But if his DD ever came back into his life you would be side-lined. would she ever accept you? - Very unlikely.
Next!

Thank goodness. There is a woman out there without any sense, but at least it is not OP.

So he admits he had fuck all to do with raising his child if their behaviour is down to his ex’s parenting - what was he up to while she was bringing him up 100% alone in their house?

edit - just seen it’s a reverse - my point still stands with him blaming you, OP - he’s admitting he had no input - no excuses for being a shit dad

My dad fleeced my mum out of the family home. And fiddled the child maintenance to only pay her £5 per week. And got aggy when he had to pay his FIVE! pounds until I was 19 (stayed in education). Oh and he recently signed up to some awful equity release scheme on his paid off mortgage, so out of that fleecing of my mum, he will leave nothing to their children. And wonders why I don’t stay in touch that often 🤔 🤣🤣

And I am sure he genuinely believes my mum “turned me against” him not his many other strange actions!

Yes, if it's not his fault. Anyone of us could end up in this situation. Some parents do awful things, like tell their kids their mum/dad hasn't turned up-when that parent really wanted to.
At this point you don't know what's true, but innocent until proven guilty.

🚩 🚩 🚩

No way!!

I know things have moved on and this is a weird reverse BUT there is no way on Earth I'd get involved with anyone in the process of a "messy divorce" and that is taking aside the fact the child doesn't want to see him and he is still in the family home (I know there are reasons the wife wouldn't want to be in the family home and I know in this instance the family home is being sold but in general a man who keeps the home and lets the kid/s move out is an utter bastard)

No chance.

Actions not words!

Good to see you got out.

Dont be too concerned about the new woman, you're not obligated to warn her, you'll feed the narrative that youre the crazy ex.

According to my ex, I'm a crazy narcissist who turned his child against him.

In reality, he kept getting drunk, beating me up and smashing things in the house, so I divorced him for domestic violence.

He then continued to be abusive through our child on access visits so it went back to court and they withdrew his access altogether.

Words are cheap. He's blaming his ex for him not persevering with keeping contact. Best avoided.

I think this is a really good description. I've seen people on threads like this saying this sort of thing - just forget about it, move on, etc. And of course, they're right. But it's hard.

In this specific case, there are a lot of women who haven't learned about these kind of men so they fall for the stories. Look at how many of the people on this thread did not doubt that you really were planning to date this man... we know women get taken in.

Let me translate for you:

He’s in the middle of a divorce - messy, rebound
His ex has moved out of the family home to a smaller rented home and won’t see him face to face - because he is abusive.
They haven’t had contact in person for over a year - because he's abusive.
He lives in what was the family home - terrible father allowing his child to be uprooted.
Has a teenage child that he doesn’t see - says it all about his fathering skills.
He says she has turned the child against him and she is an abusive narcissist - DARVO
Nothing comes up on Claire’s law about him - yet.
The child apparently has behavioural issues due to his ex’s poor parenting in his view - DARVO.

So may red flags.

Yes exactly. Unfortunately there are abusive, horrible people of both sexes.

Anyway OP, glad you've come out the other side

There's what he says and what he does.

I wouldn't date him, like most people have said:

• what a messy, horrible sounding drama to get involved in
• the old "crazy, narc ex" chestnut is a massive red flag. He may not be lying, but I wouldn't take the chance, too fucking risky

(Posted before reading all OP's update, what a rookie mistake! Sorry! I'm glad you out OP!)

Just from another perspective, my dh was still living in his family home when I met him (albeit in a cottage in the grounds) and his dd didn’t speak to him. Turns out she had cut him off in order to get some money out of him when they reconciled, which worked a treat.

im just saying each situation is different. Had I posted here I’d have been told to run a mile. He now has an excellent relationship with his dd and someone else would be with my incredible dh instead of me.

You can take the advice here but no one understands your particular situation as well as you.