To ask you if you’d date this man?

Not for a solid gold elephant. Red flags all over this.

Hmm, I’d not like to date someone going through a messy divorce. Then I’d like to hear more about the alleged ex’s behaviour. It seems very odd for a man to be no contact with his child, that is the part that would really concern me.

This is exactly what I was thinking.

Absolutely not.

Yes I don't doubt that he's a bastard. Honestly, I don't.

Trouble is some women don't care if he's charming and handsome enough.

I know this from experience of those around me. I've seen enough handsome, charming men in my family get new women easily even if they're not particularly nice people. To say the least. Not immediate family.

See the thing is most women would be glad he is someone else's problem if all romantic feelings gone.
Not exactly selfless but understandable.
Or not care.

If you've still got romantic feelings that's fair enough.
If you're jealous of his lifestyle, fair enough.
Sounds it might be the latter.

No judgement, these things are complicated.
Obviously you don't have to reply.

NO

I am glad you posted and that you got something from it. Maybe it helped you reflect on how you were groomed etc and how you have made the monumental effort to move out with you DC - for which you should be very proud. Also maybe have some compassion for the person you used to be who suffered. It’s hard to come to terms with how they were unable to ‘behave’ for you and your DC - but on the surface seems to be doing so now. But as you know if you have done any recovery work it’s an ‘when’ not ‘if’ his mask slips or his GF works it all out.

It’s perfectly normal to take a moment to readjust after trauma each time the environment changes (eg the new GF).

Keep focusing on restoring and rebuilding your own emotional core so that your DC sees how recovery and resilience looks and feels. Put him in the rear view mirror and screech off leaving him in the dust.

Nope got enough dramas in my life without joining in with someone else's dramas. red flags with his child not wanting to see him hmm run while you still can

No.
Why is he in the family home when he doesn't have the child?
I'd not trust someone who didn't have contact with their child.
I'd not trust someone who blamed their child's issues on the ex.

Not while he’s on the middle of a divorce no! Divorces are messy and emotionally exhausting and you don’t want to end up supporting him through it!

Walk away, he is bad news unless you're a gullible thirsty one who loves the drama!

From bitter experience no, the whole it’s them not me is never the whole story

Oh most definitely.
People do only tend to believe what they want to believe.
If he's charming and good-looking some other woman will fall for it.

Most here are saying not with a bargepole which may be genuinely true, fair enough, but unless you're in that situation who knows what you'll do I suppose.
Charm and good looks may make some women believe the guy.
In my case I did know his ex was a wrong 'un but would I have just taken his word for it? Who knows?

Well that’s against the law so what is he doing about it? Bugger all I’ll bet, too busy trying to get a date.

If the ex is so crazy why didn’t he leave her and take the child..?

🚩 🚩 🚩

@BlueSandals if your/his house is on the market and he is living in it, I imagine he's dating as he'll need somewhere to live. The cocklodger I think it's called on here!

The ex is not crazy and he is feeding you lies. Please dont fall for it. Mine and many womens ex husbands have said that about simply because we refused to out up with abuse and being taken for granted and cheated on. Run for your life, literally

Sadly I think there might be women happy to date a man who has little/nothing to do with their kid/s & by extension their exes.

Whatever the Op saw in him others will.

Absolutely not.

The men who blame the ex for everything are inevitably the problem.

No. And I wouldn't believe a word he said about his ex either. (No woman with life experience would.)

Glad you left him. Try not to let him and his fucked up ways into your head so much. It does take a long time to recover; just give yourself time.

No sorry OP, nobody's that concerned about another adult (in this case the 'new woman') they don't even know.

Still interesting topic for a thread.

Probably not because why is he bothered with dating instead of sorting his parenting out?

Sorry I cannot stand reverses.
They really annoy me.
Why exactly do you care what the new woman thinks, OP?
I find that odd.
Why are you concerned about this.
Although it would be selfish, and I don't pass judgement on that, surely a more normal reaction would be thank f* he's somebody else's problem now.

That's the more understandable, imperfect human reaction. That's the one I've seen in many a situation like this.
Even if it's not that, it's indifference.

I've no idea why you started this thread. It's very odd.
Are you still pining for him?

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