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AIBU?

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Original poster

Not to stop my son coming over when grandson is in bed.

434 replies

wildorangetruck · 29/06/2026 10:54

I have got my daughter and her little boy who is only one back living at home due a change in circumstances.

My son doesn’t live here anymore but he comes and goes as he pleases as he’s still a young 25 and I know I’m very lucky he pops in.

My daughter struggles to get her son to sleep and can be up there ages setting him and so when her brother comes around it usually wakes him up and she gets frustrated. However my son doesn’t seem phased by this as he doesn’t feel it’s his responsibility to be quiet and not wake him up, he doesn’t come until after 8 and little one goes up at 7.
My daughter suggested he doesn’t come around in the evenings after work and only comes at the weekend before she puts him down but he has always pops in after work, not for long but he does wake the baby when he comes.
I don’t know what to say about it, I want my son to feel welcome anytime, he’s autistic and doesn’t mean to be loud but has a loud laugh and voice so it’s not just a case of asking him to tone it down as that’s just how he is and I am very accepting of this and would never want him to feel he couldn’t be himself in the home but I also understand how frustrating it is for our daughter when he walks in cheerily and his voice wakes him up again.

He doesn’t come in every night just once or twice a week and I love to see him. I don’t want to put restrictions on him because he’s likely to feel unwelcome or an inconvenience and that’s not the case as I’ve always said either can come anytime.

AIBU to think it’s just something she will have to deal with while she’s here or am I not being fair?

OP posts:
Lomonald · 29/06/2026 11:06

What time does your son finish work can he come round earlier your daughter needs to unclench a bit maybe keep her baby up for a while so he can see his uncle, i don't understand how he is waking him up is he loud when he comes in ? Everyone needs to compromise a little and i think you could help with that.

Sorry i misread he is loud, I think you can ask him to tone it down a little bit.

ErrolTheDragon · 29/06/2026 11:05

It would be good if you can get your DS to moderate his noise in the evening. But it’s better for little ones (and their parents!) if they can become accustomed to noises when going to sleep - you can’t always control their environment for peace and calm in the evenings.

Loubissou · 29/06/2026 11:02

Keep reminding him that he needs to keep his voice down if he comes over in the evening. Of course he can tone it down. He is choosing not to because it isn't his problem to keep settling a baby.

LaPerruque · 29/06/2026 11:01

She's going to have to roll with the normal sound conditions in your home while she's there, though I would also ask your son to keep his voice down when he calls. I certainly wouldn't cancel his visits.

HoppingPavlova · 29/06/2026 11:01

Your ds is being extremely inconsiderate and should keep the noise down! It's entirely reasonable to ask a regular visitor to be considerate or not to come over, and I'm amazed you think otherwise

He is not a visitor though, he is her son. Completely different. Doesn’t matter he doesn’t live there permanently, he is a family member, not someone with ‘visitor’ status.

Wtafdidido · 29/06/2026 11:01

Get your daughter to play white noise or sleep music for the child but this is your home and you cannot reasonably be expected to have no company or visitors from 7pm every night. Have you had her explain to your son that he needs to try and be a little quieter? But she absolutely does not get to tell him he is not welcome.

JanBlues2026 · 29/06/2026 11:00

I think you and your son are being selfish here. He is refusing or unable to be quieter so he either comes earlier or much later on those days or you meet him out of the house. I think you need to support your daughter who must be going through a difficult time.

Member984815 · 29/06/2026 10:59

Its your house , it may temporarily be your daughters home for now but she's going to have to roll with things as they are or look into other options for housing. I lived with my parents for a while with my eldest it was difficult so I understand where she's coming from but she needs to adjust

Stompythedinosaur · 29/06/2026 10:58

Your ds is being extremely inconsiderate and should keep the noise down! It's entirely reasonable to ask a regular visitor to be considerate or not to come over, and I'm amazed you think otherwise.

Why should the little one have the impact of disturbed sleep because of his selfish behaviour? Why does your ds feel ok harming his nephew?

If you want your dd to leave, have an adult conversation about it, rather than making your house an uncomfortable place for her and her ds.