Not to stop my son coming over when grandson is in bed.

I can understand all sides.

The key thing is to prevent the sound/volume your DS naturally makes from reaching the baby.

• Possibly use of noise blocking/sound absorbing panels,
• playing white noise/music in the background and getting the baby accustomed to it, etc.

There'll be other options that might work such as noise cancelling ear buds, earphones, etc, although if rather get the baby used to routine household sounds such as that made by my ND son.

Exactly this.

I completely agree with this. Having low expectations of yourself and allowing others to set low expectations of your abilities is very life limiting.
In some ways I regret getting ds diagnosed because since he got together with other autistic people at Uni and they explained how autistic people are and what they should not be asked to do because they couldn't help being themselves, he has used it as an excuse to not do things he's sacred of - perfectly normal things to be scared of and it's taken a lot to work past the "But I've got autism I'll never be able to do that" - "Everyone knows autistic people can't do that" and then working to "OMG that wasn't so bad"...to "Actually it might even have been a bit enjoyable"... through to...."I can do this and I'm actually good at it!"

The thing is her ds is a guest too. It's her house - and unless she going to play favourites she needs to find away for her guests to comproise.

Probably best to stop posting, you’ve already had a lot of posts deleted

Maybe you are wrong sometimes

So pleased you've decided to stop being ableist on this thread and taking your nasty goading somewhere else. Thank you.

Oh good, you're going to stop with the ableism now then? Very grateful,

That has helped :)

Your DD is being completely unreasonable. It’s your home, she’s a guest for now

Don't think I've addressed you in this thread before but I wasn't raging, I did a smiley and all see :)

Absolutely agree.
It is ableist to suggest that low support needs ND people aren't capable of changing or adapting their behaviour, or don't care that they upset other people.

Happy to help, Occam'srazor!

I think they think he should be gagged or something.

@wildorangetruckI’m not saying you should have to, but could you visit your son sometimes in the evenings? Even if it was once a week, that would reduce the disruption for the baby at home.

It's great I didn't offer any hyperbole at all, just facts then :)

The hyperbole and hysteria about a normal noise waking a kid a few times a week has been something to behold though 😆

Yep, you're definitely a bigot if you are pretending his disability isn't real and definitely trying to exclude and ostracise a beloved family member from the home his mother wants him to visit since - as you are aware - that's his only option. As has been explained to you repeatedly by me, by many others and by the OP, he can't just magic his disability away and he is unable to comply with the daughter's demands.

And so you don't get to impose your ableist bigotry on him. You're welcome.

Making up narratives you wish were true isn't offering options. However much you wish you could, in an ableist and bigoted fashion, exclude a disabled man from visiting his loving mother in her own home, it doesn't look like OP will be doing that.

And yeah, the daughter who's being done the enormous favour will indeed have to change her behaviour, stop freaking out about a nothingburger, and the OP and her son can carry on as usual in her own home, in exactly the same totally non controversial way they always have.

And the OP won't have to creep around not opening the front door or using the loo past 7.

All sorted then.

Hope this helps :)

Thank you. I really feel that the approach that labels all behaviour as part of the disability is reductive and massively unhelpful to everyone, including those living with disability. It stops people reaching their potential and limits possibilities for them. Autistic people have such a wide range of abilities, but to suggest that autism makes you incapable of caring about others is outrageous and a massive insult to all the autistic people who are kind and loving.

Hyperbole is not reality.

Sometimes people have to make changes to their behaviour or routines, yes, even autistic people.

Presenting possible solutions to a problem is not a demand.

Not wanting your child to be woken up by someone who doesn't see why it's his responsibility not to be loud isn't hating autistic traits, it's caring about your child.

Asking for modified times of visiting is not ostracisation or bigotry, that is hyperbole.

You can carry on your I'm big your small, I'm right you're wrong and there's nothing you can do about it tirade but simply stating you are the one true factual person and everyone else is a bigot does not make it a reality.

Just no.

please point out where I have continuously personally abused you?

There is nothing wrong with my ability to make an argument, and plenty of people have agreed with my comments

You need to learn to put forward your points succinctly, without repetition and less aggressively. I agree with other posters that you seem very aggressive, you can’t throw around accusations of bigotry because someone doesn’t agree with yiu

Agree. Dd had a friend who was always "I can't help it, I just am loud, just the way I am. Everyonejust has to put up with the real me."

One day in exasperation she said after they'd said that again " if you can't be quieter we'll just not talk until later because it isn't fair on everyone around".

Suddenly they discovered that they did have a quiet button and what's more kept the volume down the entire journey.

You’re the most agressive person I’ve seen on this thread. Constantly repeating words like “ableist” and “bigot” doesn’t make it true either, those words have been thrown around so much in order to shut people up that no one really pays attention to them anymore.

Perfectly said. We’ve come to a point in society where every single thing an autistic person does is brushed away with “they can’t help it”. People no longer have bad traits, it’s all excused with neurodiversity.

Neurodiverse people are still capable of being selfish or mean or anything else and it not being because of their neurodivergence. And they can also be encouraged to change their behaviours. It may take longer or you may need to take a different approach.

And yes, me and my children are neurodiverse. Diagnosed.