DH stoping paying CMS

What about the DC’s mum, who has never worked, is she also a shitty mum for not financially supporting them/herself? Or is that a standard reserved for dads?

Bit late to thread but it sounds like you and your DH already do everything bar a few breakfasts for the older 2 kids anyway. I would think the best decision all around is to ask the teens what custody arrangement they would like... they are old enough.

Maybe the mother would be happy enough with less overnights?

Your husband not working is best for yiur family right now, with very young kids. Presumably in a few years when all at school he could get a PT job or perhaps work PT for you if he wanted?

Just make sure that he isn't linked to your business in anyway right now (so not a shareholder / director etc) so she can't come after that.

Good luck OP, I hope you can arrive at a solution that works for everyone - including you. You and your DH sound incredibly committed to the welfare of all your children. Let us know how you get on.

I’ve been a disability outreach worker for many years and have supported many claimants with reconsiderations and at tribunal. I have never yet seen a report on which an assessor has lied. What I do see is their medical opinion, based on what they have observed during the assessment and the claimant described by the parameters set by the assessment itself. Not all claimants fit neatly into specific categories and it’s a fact that many claimants look at the report and simply don’t see themselves in the same terms as the assessor. Some say they don’t recognise themselves in what is written. It doesn’t mean the assessor is lying. I’m not saying the system is perfect - far from it. I’ve seen many flawed reports and many inaccuracies. But never an out and out lie.

Unfortunately that’s the nature of MN. I know this thread doesn’t directly address disability but you see it all the time on those dealing with benefits - those paid to disabled people in particular. Many posters come from a position of complete ignorance of what these benefits are meant to support, and even an inkling of what disability actually means, because they have no experience of either. Yet they still feel qualified to comment.

There is nothing unfair in saying PP did her step child a disservice, it's just stating the facts. It will certainly complicate PIP and the assessors routinely lie at F2F PIP assessments to fob people off. I know it by experience and witnessed it many times. There is nothing about validity in it, just budget cost cutting.

It's off topic anyway. I'm just baffled at what people do and consider... the done thing?

Many posters including this one haven't bothered to read the full thread. Pay no attention to them, there are plenty of people here supporting you in your decision.

As a side note, you sound like an incredibly caring and supportive stepmum and they are lucky to have you.

I won’t be replying to that poster again, they’ve already demonstrated that they have no clue how DLA / PIP works by stating having autism automatically entitles you to benefits.

I think the fact that over the years he has paid five times the ordered amount of CMS counts for something. Plus the fact that in terms of what DH and OP have provided so far in terms of support and care for the children, it’s clearly much more than 50/50 and just short of full time custody, so really the ex has milked it for all it’s worth. Plus the fact that he has offered to formally take on either 50/50 or full custody and ex has refused. I think we all know where her priorities lie, and it’s clearly not with her children.

well that's the solution surely. you'll save a fortune in petrol and time and everyone will be happier

That’s extremely unfair. @Preeeeee clarified that she has another child whose needs do meet DLA criteria, so she’s well aware of the thresholds and can see where the disparity in the care needs of both children are. I do think it will complicate things if a future claim for PIP needs to be made, but there is far more likelihood that a PIP claim will result in a face to face or at least a telephone assessment rather than the paper claim alone, which is what DSD’s DLA claim was decided on. That being the case, the validity of the claim can be directly determined by the medical professional charged with the assessment.

Even though medical evidence has to be supplied to support the claim, that evidence rarely if ever directly addresses the assessment criteria for benefit, so if there is no actual F2F assessment it does leave room for the claiming parent to exaggerate.

I'm self employed so flexible with my time, but thank you all the same.

But him and the OP are the ones paying most of the childrens expenses, have you even read the OP's posts? By the sounds of it, it's the mother who should be paying maintenance to the father here.

Think you need to get a job as you're far too invested in when OP said what 😂

Just because she doesn’t work doesn’t make it ok for him not to pay anything towards his kids either. The kids don’t stop costing money because he doesn’t want to work.

@donewiththistakemeaway

Personally, I think he's done enough for her and their 2 kids. He gave her the house for the DC's benefit. He's been paying way over the odds at £1500/mo for his 2 kids to basically 'spend the night' in that house for (IIRC) 9 years. AND he's been reminding her of the fact that he was retiring for at least a year.

As I see it, if the sexes were reversed and the 'paying parent' was a woman whose spouse had suddenly started earning enough for her to become a SAHM, it would be fine. She'd be told it was fine to quit her job to stay at home with her children and that her Ex needed to get off his lazy arse and get a job as the 'free ride' was over. Well, your DH has just as much right to become a SAHD, and all the DC will benefit from it.

As far as the £500 you said you'd pay frankly I'd rescind it, especially if the DC say they want to live with you. There's no legal reason you have to and you're entitled to change your mind especially since she's threatened legal action. You can always say "In light of possible legal action, I don't want to set the precedent of me being responsible for paying maintenance". Total bullshit of course, but hey, needs must when the devil drives. Or you can tell her that the £500 is a temporary thing to give her some 'extra time to get a job' and that you'll pay it for 6 months.

Congratulations on building your successful business!

OP don’t rise to it. There are some people on here with the reading comprehension of a five year old. You’ve been perfectly clear in your posts and anyone who has actually read them has understood.

Stop being a mug though. Do not pay the lazy ex a penny. Provide for the kids fully at your home (assuming this is what they want) and get your DH to claim for CB. The ex doesn’t have a leg to stand on, she might have to get a job like a responsible adult!

This is your post from 10:56, there is nothing about the deeds in it.
Sorry I won't be double checking the rest as even the first one shows you're twisting something.

We're not in court so it doesn't really matter.

The trouble with signing over house to her is your dh has effectively potentially disinherited his children from it. She might leave house to someone else, marry with no will or whatever. He should have put it in trust for his children !! Yes it’s fine now but he’s been a fool,

stop paying her. Simple

Both parents should support their dc, of course. But, the fact is that the dc are financially dependant on their df, that that has been the situation for some time, and he's unilaterally deciding to stop providing for them.

It's not something a loving parent would do. Many of us have stuck out horrible jobs because we need to provide for our dc.