My husband told his ex-partner — the mother of his two oldest children — a year ago that he planned to leave his job within the next 12 months. She has never worked, and for the last 9 years he has paid her £1,500 per month voluntarily, even though the Child Maintenance Service calculates the correct amount should only be around £300.
The kids stayed with us for 10 nights a month, matching my husband’s days off. Between us, we did all school runs, clubs, meals, and bedtime routines — returning them to their mother around 8pm each evening. They couldn’t stay more nights because my husband’s shift pattern meant leaving at 5pm, driving 2 hours, working until 7am, and getting home by 9am. This would have left me alone caring for all 5 children while also working, handling all household tasks, and managing their activities. Meanwhile, their mother only had to put them to bed around 9pm, yet received far more money than required. We also take all five children to their clubs and activities every weekend.
My husband has now left that job — he was exhausted, and after 12 years of hard work, my own business has become successful enough for me to be the main earner. He reminded his ex repeatedly over the year that this change was coming and that his income would no longer support those higher payments.
He explained that he is now available full-time: he can offer full custody, 50/50 shared care, or flexible arrangements — whatever works for the children. He will be there for school runs, sickness, doctors’ appointments, school events, and anything else they need. The only change is that he can no longer make those payments.
This has caused a huge reaction. She is angry, calling him names and saying she won’t be able to afford her home. He asked her to consider getting a job, or for her new partner to contribute financially ( he does not work either) but she has threatened to involve a solicitor — claiming that if my husband stops paying, I must cover the cost because I’m so flush.
I do not believe this is my responsibility. To keep things calm, I offered to pay the £500 per month which sis still more that what the CMS says is the correct amount, but this is still not enough for her. She won’t stop us seeing the children, as she only cares for them a few hours a day and enjoys having her evenings free with her partner.
My main worry is whether there is any legal loophole that would force my husband to keep paying that higher sum just to maintain her lifestyle?