DH stoping paying CMS

The ex should be paying you both.

You sound so patient OP. Your DH's ex sounds lazy and entitled. She has been getting a generous CMS payment for many years, without doing the majority of the parenting. It sounds like his DC are happy with you and you look after them generously. There is no reason why she can't work, even just part time. She doesn't have any rent or mortgage to pay thanks to your DH, has teenage kids that will be predominantly with you. It is just laziness for her not to.

I think it might be better to explain that your DH is finishing work to be a SAHP to 3 under 5. I think (or would like to think!) most of those criticising have probably missed that part, as his DC are older so require less day to day care (aside from the clubs etc that you are putting lots of effort into). But parenting your younger 3 is a massive job, many women are SAHM with minimal criticism when there is another parent who has enough income for the household. Your situation is no different, just genders reversed. His role as the SAHP shouldn't be diminished, it is just the best thing for your family now, with your business taking off and to allow you chance to concentrate on your career for a while. After he has focussed on his for 30 years. (even if you still have some other paid for childcare, he is still looking after the needs of 5 kids, no-one can say that isn't work!)

Best of luck, I hope she gets the appropriate information if she decides to try the legal route to stop it at the start and not cause you further headaches.

@donewiththistakemeaway

Well, she's made her position clear. I say let her take him to court. And he can counter-sue for full custody/residency.

Next stop; a solicitor's office to get the whats, hows, and whys. Forewarned is forearmed.

Please do not give this woman another penny. And please let her try to take you to court (and update us when she’s laughed out of there).

Oh and get the child benefit payment from her too.

She has no mortage. Doesn't like seeing her children in the evening. Doesn't contribute fiscally.

It sounds to me she's getting the benefit of an equivalent £50k salary (AVG mortgage £1500/month that she doesn't pay) to spend evenings with her partner.

Average cost to raise a child is £160k. He has 2 kids and has paid for them in their entirety via his generous CMS. She hasn't paid a penny. Imagine having 2 kids and never earning a penny towards them in spite of having 9am onwards to work! Oh but she can't because she wants her evenings. Give me a break

I think a parent who works for 12 years is worth their weight in gold against one who has never worked.

I would say that about anyone. No one has kids before they have the chance to work

@HermioneWeasleyshe needs to get a bloody job then

You’re getting a bit of a bashing on this thread OP, I think perhaps people haven’t read all your replies.
In your shoes I would ask the kids if they want to stay with you full time, rather than being dropping back for bed times, at their ages their wishes count.
Assuming they wish to live with you full time then you will pay nothing to their Mother. She can count her lucky stars she has a mortgage free house and then her or her partner can GET A JOB to maintain her/their lifestyle like everyone else has to.

If the children wish to continue as is ( which sounds totally bonkers to me because you do everything pretty much) then because you have offered £500 a month I would keep to that offer, despite not having to. It’s only going to be for a few more years anyway given the children’s ages.
If their Mother kicks off then go through the proper channels and she will end up with nothing…
I think instead of saying your husband is retiring, you need to be clear in your posts he is becoming a stay at home Dad to support you in your business, be present for his children and maintain the level of involvement with all their lives.
Many women stay at home to look after children, household and everything that goes along with it and no one bats an eyelid.
My BIL is a stay at home parent, my Sister works full time, their child starts school September. My BIL didn’t earn as much as my sister so they made the decision when baby was born that he would stay at home once her maternity leave was over.

OP, I just don't understand why you're giving the mother £500 a month. You could put it into savings for the children.

Honestly I think DH should be applauded for a sensible decision to step out of this tough job and spend time fathering his children. You sound like a really committed family and very engaged with all of the DC. It's really super
I think you should seriously consider offering to the SC that now that DH is home that they can stay whenever they want. But I would advise against trying to link the CMS thing to that.
I'd just advise DH to tell his ex that she's had a year's notice and go via CMS and get it all arranged that way regardless of the nights.

Hope your conversation went well, OP.

💐

No, not ‘this’… this father has worked a hard manual job for 30years, his body, especially his back has taken its toll. He did this so he could support the mother of his children, gave her a house, paid a ridiculous amount of CMS for years and years, while doing the vast majority of the parenting, with his wife.

These children are now teenagers and he has a wife and 3 small children. He has the opportunity to stay home with these children, and spend more time with his older children who will soon be leaving home, allowing his wife to further her career and demonstrate to his older children that men can be SAHPs and that women in business should be championed and supported.

This is by no means a lazy man, his wife has done more than her fair share. The mother of his children however, who has never had a job ever is a feckless, lazy piece of work and needs to be cut off completely.

The views on this thread are actually sickening. I’m by no means a massive advocate or outspoken male supporter, but Christ almighty, this man and his wife can’t do right.

Hello Dad! 😃

This.

And really, only women should do childcare - and if they get a job it should be termtime only for 'pin money'

However, if their husband then divorces them, they should have kept up their career to protect their pension.

I’m honestly shocked at some of these comments defending the mother.. £1500 in cm is unheard of!
She doesn’t realise how good she’s had it clearly. I would also say your other half has been a little foolish paying that much, or anywhere near that considering you seem to have the kids more than she does.
I also think people are missing the point here..you can now support your family with your job, it’s not like he’s quitting his job to claim benefits!
If I’m right, you’re feeding the kids everyday too, so what exactly is the mother contributing?
But either way, no you don’t have to pay & I wouldn’t be giving her a penny going forward considering she has the kids less than you!
Based on that theory, she should be paying you 🤷🏻‍♀️
Also, don’t offer £500. That’s also ridiculous 😫

The ‘reasoning’ this poster has is that fathers must be hated at all costs, even those who hand over an entire house, pay 5 times the CMS, do 5 times the parenting and make excellent selfless decisions for their family.

And we must also hate all step mothers, especially those who do 5 times the parenting of the actual lazy, useless mother, pay far more for their step children than their actual mother, and definitely those who try to better themselves and their family by working hard and caring for her step children like they are her own.

We must hate them all!!! But glorify and protect terrible, lazy mothers purely because she gave birth to the children she now doesn’t lift a finger to care for.

I would give her a period of 6 months of £500 OP and then stop, she's perfectly capable of supporting herself.

There is no way I would pay £500 for 6 months.

@donewiththistakemeaway im really sorry.
So many posyers who didn’t even read your OP carefully.

It’s very clear your dh has never said he just wanted to stop CM.
It’s also clear that his aim is to cincentrate on the dcs and have them as often as he can. More than he already has, which is close to 50/50. And yes at 50/50, he doesn’t have to lay her anything. If he was to have them more, the mum should actually lay CM to him though…..

In answer to your question as to whether she could go after your money, the answer is No.
And I would happily approach that as a reorganisation of the current visitation plan, going first 50/50 or even EOW for her as this what the dcs want (I imagine some of them, if not all, are teens now?)
The money and CM is a consequence of that. Not the other way around.

How your dh is planning to fund that is his (and yours) problem. Whether he stops working isnt part of the discussion on who is the RP.

But 'these poor kids' will still continue to be fully supported by their father's household? It's just the way that the father and OP have decided is best for themselves and ALL of the children. Father will be more available to parent all of his children, whilst OP develops her business more.
The 'poor children' will still be accommodated, fed and clothed, washing done and clubs paid for by their father and stepmother.
I really don't understand your reasoning....

Was in a similar situation years ago OP.
DSS came to live full time with me when he was 6 but prior had him every night from school Mon-Thurs for dinner, every Fri evening from school till drop off Monday morning, she put him to bed Monday-Thursday, we had him every school holiday even inset days, DH was paying her £600 pm ( 20 years ago).
He paid up until DSS was 8 when I lost my shit, we had to get a solicitor in the end because she was claiming all sorts of benefits, child benefit etc and telling the DWP he was still living there etc.
We never received the CB she kept that and the last we ever heard from her was when DSS left school and CB stopped... she wanted us to pay her that, she also wanted DSS to sign paperwork to say he was living with her as she was being evicted and housing were only offering a 1 bed and she wanted a 2!
She did get a solicitor to send emails going after my wages, these were ignored!
I would give her a period of 6 months of £500 OP and then stop, she's perfectly capable of supporting herself.
TF he's grown now and we don't have to deal with the lazy cow and she can't hurt DSS anymore or use him.

OP, all 5 of your children are very blessed to have you.

She sounds like a freeloading chancer op.

I would not give her a penny. She can get a job.

I would not pay her a penny OP. She has had a very easy ride for a very long time.

As a side note (and risk of showing my slaternly mothering style off...)by the time my DC were 14, even younger so once in secondary school, I did not "do breakfast" or school runs. They were perfectly able to do both themselves and we had been working towards that in later years of primary. On occasion they even left the house before I emerged from bed.....