UK parents: what are you passing on to your children?

And inspired by PP, do things that make you uncomfortable if not doing them may limit your life.

I find that an odd list but it obviously reflects your life experience.

I teach my DC not to chase money and that buying stuff doesn't equate to happiness. Budget carefully.

To be kind but have their own needs forefront in their minds, we're an autistic family and automatic people pleasers so the message needs reinforcing.

All good on their school reports. They do what their teacher says because they know school is important. But they also know if a teacher asks them to do something that makes them really uncomfortable they don’t have to do it. I’d prefer they are a bit annoying at a young age than absolute push overs as adults.

Occasionally we get a “but why do we have to do homework!!” But all kids do that and they’re generally happy with “because it consolidates your learning mate 🤷‍♀️”.

Crikey, where do I start with that?

Are you a police officer too? Or do you live in a society where we train and pay police to help
manage the bad in society and amend wrongs ?

yiu are not equal to a police officer in rights or authority just because you are human

Can you get access to their cameras as easily?

Not really, ‘never trust a hippy’ is plain ridiculous. You can not decide a whole demographic of people shouldn’t be trusted and on what premise? Never answer police questions is equally nonsensical. Yes, we have all had different experience but it’s ridiculous to use (presumably) your one bad experience with a ‘hippy’ to teach your children to avoid trusting every single one of them. A useful life lesson to pass on might be ‘be kind to yourself, look after your mental health and physical health or treat people the way you wish to be treated etc etc. not start out from a young age being prejudice against people that may dress or look different. Theres enough of that already.

But so what if a hippy was once mean to the OP?

I haven’t seen One Battle After Another, or read Vineland, and maybe this post is witty and hilarious if you did, but evolving advice for your children based on a Thomas Pynchon novel and its film adaptation is not what I’d do, no.

Your kids must be a delight at school!

@HauntedBungalow so what happens when one of your kids is mugged, and says to a policeman “I’m in trouble and I need help”. The policeman says “OK, what’s happened, what do you need help with?”. Your child then says “I’m not telling. I was taught not to answer police questions”. How will that situation resolve itself?

Also my kids know they can question authority even though sometimes it makes them a pain in the arse especially DD who seems to think she’s a freedom fighter sometimes 🙄. Yes you have a right to protest but we’re not protesting bedtime mate.

Ahaha funny you should say never answer police. My dad drilled into us “if they come to the door, ask if they have a warrant. If they haven’t then tell them to take hike, if they have get them to pass it through the gap, and read it BLOODY CAREFULLY.” Teaching kids diligence around the police is always smart. In an ideal world, you wouldn’t have to but there’s so much corruption and there’s been so many miscarriages of justice you need to tell them in an age appropriate way that they are allowed to question authority and that they have rights. Especially if you’re some kind of minority/neurodivergent.

Oh, absolutely.
i meant more of a general “don’t rely on another person to complete you/ make you happy/ fulfill you “

Never be afraid to ask for second medical opinion.
If you need GP treatment go sooner rather than later.
Always pay into your pension as much as you can afford to.
Keep in touch with your siblings. They share your early memories and experiences.
Don't put off travel plans until retirement because after retirement you may not have good enough health to travel.
Don't lend or give money to your Dad. You will never get it back and he'll keep on asking for more.

I’ve always taught my sons never to comment on someone’s personal appearance.

Look after women, make them feel safe. My husband has never looked after me and it makes me sad.

I’ve told my 20yr old how to look after his girlfriend when she’s feeling poorly: hottie, drinks, pillow, duvet, tv remote & stroke hair.

The posts where people say they’d teach their children not to be racist. You don’t need to teach them not to be, just don’t be racist yourself and they’ll follow suit.

My parents never commented on anyone’s race or skin colour to me or my siblings.

I only discussed racism with my own children (18 & 20) when they went to a secondary boys school. The school was very diverse, my sons were the only white British boys in their groups of friends. The racism only came up when some boys started calling each other the n word. My youngest son was called snowy and his Japanese friend was called a name relating to the shape of his eyes. He knew not to respond even in jest. Both boys are now at uni and have friends from different cultural backgrounds.

It could be helpful to teach them that it's okay to rely on someone if needed. One day they might be unable to walk or lose their sight, for instance.

Actually, if I were only allowed to pass on one piece of advice it would be, ‘be curious’.

Curiousity is useful on an individual level and a societal level. Curiousity is a bulwark to division and ideology.

I tell my DC frequently “don’t be a dick”. I think that covers most things.

otherwise:

stay curious, read everything, spend time every day doing something you love and yes as a lawyer I drummed into them don’t answer any questions without calling me first.

Well, shop assistants don't have the legal power to question or detain you, do they?

Question stupid rules and policies.
’Being kind’ is often a ruse for ‘put up and shut up’ - don’t.
Debate, debate, debate.
Just because your views might make others uncomfortable, doesn’t mean you’re wrong.
Your space on Earth is just as worthy as anyone else, never lessen your space to make room for someone else.

I agree with the message to girls 100 percent. But I think we need to be very careful about giving messages to boys that they are the problem. That opens the door to the likes of Andrew Tate. You have a strengthening message to your daughter and an accusing one to your son.

My youngest son said to me when he was little ‘ ‘you hate men Mummy’ . I was horrified. I don’t hate men and I certainly don’t want my son to grow up thinking I will hate him. Ever since then I have taken an approach of pointing out to my boys everytime a man does something good and helpful or nice when we are out ( happens a lot). I point out good men we see in media. I think presenting positive models of masculinity that they can aspire to is a better approach than the opposite.

I’d be getting a lawyer even if I was speaking to the police as a witness to a crime.

Plenty of entirely innocent people are questioned by police, and should have legal representation when they are.

To have a good friend you have to be a good friend.

Noone is 100% good. Everyone can make a mistake. Forgive yourself and Forgive others. Very few people at 100% bad.

You are kind to Everyone. Those who are kind back are friends and Those that arent quietly distance yourself from.

Dont be a by-stander if someone is being picked up/treated badly. Dont look the other way. You dont have to confront the mean person. You do have to give the victim a compliment/speak up to change the subject/smile at them and say do you want to play tig or whatever.

Happiness is being thankful for what you have without always looking for more. Being a real cheerleader for your friends and family.

I havent had conversions around police. But if you have done nothing wrong I would trust them. Most police officers are hardworking people not out to "trip you up". And not went into groups to trust and groups not to either. Just strange danger and what to do if your lost. Have started drugs/alcohol/consent with my 14 year old.

Hippy capitalists have been a thing for yonks- hippy on the outside, rapaciously individualistic money grubber on the inside, but with no self awareness about that.

I also get the police one although I wouldn’t put it in those terms. Just remember that they’re not on your side and will close ranks whenever necessary, and act accordingly. This doesn’t mean they’re all bad people or that you can’t ask them where the loo is etc.

In terms of what I’d pass on, perhaps the advice that you don’t have to be ready. You can just do things. And the fact that 99% of success is showing up, which is a cliche but true.

How often do you come across fascists?! How do you identify them? I find a lot of people throwing around the term fascist at others, behave a lot like fascists used to. That is, they are extremely intolerant of anyone with different opinions to them, and feel entitled to threaten, intimidate and silence those people and prevent others from hearing their views. They are also very fond of dismissing and condemning people with labels.