AIBU to continue with this FARCE? (Teens and extracurricular activites)

Let me guess, you/she got this great idea to do D of E instead of GCSEs from ChatGPT? And in its quest for validating you, it assured you that your daughter could jump straight to gold without building up to it via bronze/silver and it claimed she could walk around town for a bit with a backpack on and call it an “urban trek” and now the reality isn’t matching up to what an LLM told you? I think you need to do more research and get her some real qualifications.

Find a local mountain leader using Google or social media. There are loads of companies and a lot of their guides do private contractual and charity work.

She's 18. Old enough to work, vote, get married and have children... and you're concerned about her going to the Peak District? Take the reins off - your poor daughter has no chance in the real world if you are controlling her life so much into adulthood.

She's 18. Old enough to work, vote, get married and have children... and you're concerned about her going to the Peak District? Take the reins off - your poor daughter has no chance in the real world if you are controlling her life so much into adulthood.

What a massive list of excuses. It's a long walk with some camping which is totally doable for an 18 year old. Just let her get on with it instead of moaning.

Disagree

What urban environment has the same elevations and requirements for map reading as the standard countryside DoE trek?

It's no less relevant than your comment that, "You think shes [sic] going to get heatstroke in the uk [sic] in June?"

I don't think the OP should be getting involved, but that argument doesn't hold much weight after last week.

Your daughter is overweight, unfit, and has an attitude problem. You need to help her with those things, not try to make things easier for her.

She's 18, I'm not sure why you're getting so involved?

An "urban and flat" gold expedition seems bizarre, it's meant to be adventurous. The experience is meant to build self-sufficiency skills.

You could definitely help with her physical struggles - is it her fitness or the boots and equipment she has that's causing the discomfort?

Is there a member of staff at the centre who can mediate a discussion between the dc in the group and the arrangements? Or can she ask to switch to another group?

I don't really think a gold D of E is probably the biggest focus if she hasn't got any qualifications. I agree with the pp who suggested looking at the Kings Trust, they do some brilliant schemes.

No longer relevant

Don't be obtuse. I realise the heatwave has subsided, but it happened in June.

Plus over 35 degrees (it was 37 in Suffolk) is bloody hot when you're walking for miles in the sun and lugging a backpack full of bits of tent and other equipment.

If this is your degree of input at 18 I am not at all surprised she's scored poorly in her GCSEs and can't be arsed to retake them.
You're coddling her and it's done her no favours up until now, shes needs an ultimatum that if shes not in meaningful full time employment or full time education she needs to find somewhere else to live. DofE is the absolute least of her concerns but she should also be figuring that out for herself.

Your daughter doesn’t need the D of E to get a job. Perhaps she could spend the time volunteering somewhere instead?

She (not you) should contact some local scout troops and see if she can join in there, although they will probably know each other already as well, that's something to just get over at this point.

Your opinions on timing, location, phones etc are completely and utterly irrelevant.

Ummmm heatwaves over now and 35C isnt that bad

Agreed.

I don’t know about all D of E centres, but in my area the leaders are volunteers. They give up days and hours every year to give children this experience.

Managing the group dynamics is part of the beast- they are trained and reminded that the whole group works together- yes those who already know each other will find that easier, but those who are better fitted and those who struggle have to work together to find a compromise. Yes, it makes it harder for the well prepared kids if they are carrying less well prepared, but that’s part of the deal.

This is a bit odd, DofE gold is a physical challenge, she needs to be fit enough to do it. If she's not she can't do it. Also there isn't an employer I can think of who will take it in lieu of GCSEs. Why is she refusing to resit her exams? This seems likely to be a more general issue than just DofE

Incidentally, has she done the silver award? That normally gives teens a good idea whether they can cope or not, although gold is a big step up. I'm also questioning your description of the cliquey group, having an unfit person on the team places an extra burden on the others, I'm not surprised they've not been welcoming.

Um, did you not notice the temperatures we had last week? Over 35 degrees in more southerly parts of the UK.

As it happens (and I appreciate you only have my word for this) a girl I know did DofE expedition last week and did get heat stroke. And that was only Bronze.

I’m going to assume she didn’t do bronze or silver DofE?

While you can jump straight to Gold and do the skills, physical and volunteering for longer, it is not recommended to do Gold without doing at least Bronze. If she had done you’d have known that the rules you are bitching about are standard across all levels. She’s meant to be doing this one her own, planning with her group etc etc not having mummy do everything for her or follow her round like she’s a lost puppy. She’s an adult fgs

there is also a reason why expeditions are usually done between Easter and Summer

Massive overkill OP. You think shes going to get heatstroke in the uk in June?
Let her crack on with doing it with these other kids

Exactly. The whole point of activities like DofE is that they are extracurricular.

Get her into college this September, she can resit her Maths and English alongside a BTech or equivalent.