AIBU to continue with this FARCE? (Teens and extracurricular activites)

the only reason we are doing it is because my daughter received incredibly poor GCSE results in summer 2025, cant be bothered to resit them,

Your problem is here ^. Having her yomping all over the Derbyshire Dales isn't going to fix that.🙄

What's your daughter's plan come September? She's needs to be in education, employment or training until 18.

It would make far more sense to focus on getting her to resit GCSEs which are essential rather than DofE which is a nice additional qualification to supplement GCSEs, it doesn't really stand alone or replace GCSEs.

But it sounds like you just try to make sure/ let your daughter take the easiest path, either for you or her, and that's just not the way life works for normal people.

I‘m a recruiter for a large organisation and DofE on a CV is a definitely a big tick for me for applicants who are school-leavers. Shows resilience and persistence in a job market where many people seem to have the inability to stick to something difficult. If I had 10 applicants with similar exam grades, and a few of them have DofE then they’d be the ones I’d interview.

There's been no mention of A levels and she got poor GCSEs, so I very much doubt an EPQ is on the cards.

You've been given some good advice already.

How has she got burns and cuts on her feet from walking 10km on flat urban terrain? I wouldn't expect that from wearing just normal shoes or trainers, let alone actual hiking boots. Burns?? Can't say I've ever heard of anyone getting burns on their feet just from walking around.

It sounds like she's not fit enough at the moment and the group is not good for her. She has until she is 25 to complete it. Take a year to get fit, get the boots fitted properly, do some walking up hills and in the countryside, practice navigation. Join another group next year that will be different.

To complete gold, she also needs to do a residential. That will also be with new people, a new environment, without you and building her independence, confidence and maybe helping her to think about what she can do with her life and what she needs to do to get there. Which sounds like it could be beneficial for her. While she's getting fit for the expedition, she could look around and get the residential part done.

I did Bronze, Silver and Gold DoE and tbh it was an absolute waste of time. No employers cared about it at all and never asked.

The point of doing DofE is not and never was to impress employers - or universities. It's about personal development and giving young people a sense of achievement.

I was also wondering what she's been doing for the past 2 years.

Why re you putting her through this? She can do an EPQ which carries UCAS points.

I seriously doubt a gold DoE is equivalent to any GCSE’s. No employer is going to go oh well she doesn’t have maths and English but she’s got DoE the jobs hers!! She needs to get back to college and do her functional skills!!!!

I did Bronze, Silver and Gold DoE and tbh it was an absolute waste of time. No employers cared about it at all and never asked.

The point about the expedition is that it is hard and takes place in the mountains. Doing it in an urban or suburban environment seems bizarre.

The point re the group is valid but teenagers are not known for their patience. In my Gold group when I did it we had someone who was much less fit than us and after 4 days of constantly waiting our patience has run very thin. I suspect this may have been the case with your daughter.

It's hard being the outsider in a group. But knowing she can manage through this will give her confidence and put her in good stead for other challenges.

You mention that she has been training - swimming and running. Where you could get involved is going on hikes with her at the weekends. Pick some hilly areas. Gets to test out her boots, practise map reading and you get to spend time with her. If you aren't fit enough to carry a pack, then do a circular route so you won't need to bring kit.

Unbelievable. However, my advice is sack this off, no one's going to give her a job over someone better qualified because her mother forced through gold D of E.

Is she at school or college? If not, or if she is not engaging with her studies, concentrate on finding the right post 16 course for her from Sept. Level 2 courses open the door to Level 3 study/A level equivalent, just like good GCSEs do. Keep the volunteering & skill-building from her D of E going, to help build her CV & experience.

I think the OP may be on a wind up here. Or it's a reverse, maybe?

I used to be a DofE centre manager and now run a DofE group. The Peak District isn’t a crazy idea for a gold expedition (we run our bronze expeditions there). Unless there is a specific need I would suggest that an urban environment isn’t really appropriately challenging for most young people at good level. June is prime exped season because of the long days and chance of better weather. Autumn is too hit and miss for a longer expedition and we are not allowed to run expeditions in the winter. During the current heatwave participant wellbeing will be every supervisor and assessors number 1 priority, lots of been cancelled the last couple of weeks, others have been modified, shorter routes, less equipment to be carried, starting early - one group I heard about started at 4am, hiked until 10ish, took a long break and then did a couple more hours in the evening.

Completely normal not to see parents or have use of phone during the expedition, the whole point is self sufficiency. It really doesn’t sound like your daughter is adequately prepared in terms of equipment or fitness if she’s having so much trouble with her boots, maybe she needs more time to prepare, she has until she’s 25 to do it. You can look at AAPs, lots of them run open expeditions on foot as well as other modes. I would also suggest not being so dismissive of what you describe as “cheat” modes, personally I’d find 8 hours of canoeing a day to be far more challenging than 8 hours hiking!

Well going against the grain here, I do not know what would possess someone to do these DoE things. I see them as fairly pointless to be honest.

I can't actually believe this thread! Echoing all other PP that it's not a DofE issue, it's a you & your daughter issue! If there are ASN in the mix I get it, but otherwise YABVU.

Teacher & trained DofE supervisor here (Bronze & Silver), the description of adjustments for students with differences as 'cheat methods' alone has me raging. You sound like an over-bearing, selfish individual who is allowing their daughter to coast through life: she'll get a shock in the real world.

Did she do her residential yet? Might be a good place to meet and socialise with a group
similarly volunteering with eg guides and then going the walk with them would also offer more chance to integrate. I did my silver and gold with local adventure centre and the same cohort (started as strangers) did all training and prep together. You can’t take a shortcut as it doesn’t pay off.

Also I find your comments re the ‘cheat’ route wholly derogatory - it’s an adaptive activity for those who need it in order to be inclusive. I have family and friends who completed that route for various reasons, and you are abhorrent for diminishing their achievements.

I agree with PPs that this doesn’t wholly correct poor gcse grades - is she doing other (vocational?) study, or can she resit the core ones if she didn’t do too well in those? What’s happened from 16-18 to address that?

Both of mine have done/ are finishing off DofE from bronze to gold, with School. It is supposed to be challenging and unfit DC will struggle.

There is no way that participants should be contacting their parents part way through! If they get injured, and one of mine did, the assessor will contact you. Both of mine did gold level hikes in the Lakes on pretty hard routes.

But DofE is not a substitute for GCSEs - she needs to get to college and redo English and maths and a course she likes.

if she is 18 GCSEs were a couple of years ago. What has been she been doing since then? I agree nothing really replaces qualifications and English and Maths are a basic requirement but maybe she could do some volunteering work rather than the d of e if it’s proving too difficult

The important part is that your adult daughter 'can't be bothered' to get qualifications that are the barest of minimums required for any employment.

She needs to plan how she'll afford to live with no employment or GCSEs.

YABU

Gold DofE is a tough physical challenge - and not everyone is able to do it - if it was easy everyone would do it.

DS16 did his bronze and silver with school and has complete all the stuff for Gold except the expedition. He found Silver more of a challenge than he expected and has now decided he’s not physically ready for Gold. He can still do it later when he’s physically stronger if he still wants to. (I think he has until age 25?).

Regardless, he’s proud of what he did achieve but decided to focus on working hard for his GCSEs and is looking forward to college in September.

All of which are more important than Gold DofE!

I think you need to do more research and get her some real qualifications

I think she needs to do her own research and get herself some qualifiations.

She's 18. She needs to develop some initiative. She won't get anywhere as long as her mother is micromanaging her life to this extent.

My favourite part is your outrage that you can't assess it yourself!

Sorry agree with PP

5ft and 10 stone is well into overweight category so suspect your daughter is more unfit than you think. Maybe seeing the fitness of the others could be a wake up call for her.

Gold DofE is meant to be a challenge, so hills, no phones and no mum visits (!!) is normal and to be expected.

June is a totally normal and sensible time to do it, outside of heatwaves. I know some DofE expeditions were postponed in the heatwave quite rightly. But normal June is fine and it’s the obvious time to do it when students have free time after exams.

I agree that a mixed group who don’t all know each other would be far preferable. I don’t know how likely you are to find this though as IME it is usually done through school so it is usually a group from one school going together.

How did your DD get involved in DofE, was it not through school? Have you been pushing her through it or has she found it and done it all by herself? If the latter then that’s positive and speaks well to her self motivation.

Entirely possible in temperatures like we’ve just had for the last week in the south east. I can’t pretend to know what it’s been like in the Peaks though