AIBU to continue with this FARCE? (Teens and extracurricular activites)

My 14 year old daughter has just done her bronze dofe expedition and it was a hilly hike in the Cotswolds where they had to navigate and camp etc - And I did similar in the Peak District when I did my bronze and silver 30 years ago.
I don't understand how you could jump straight into gold dofe without researching what the expedition involves - a walk through a city is just not the same.

Yes, definitely. I was replying to the poster who said they didn’t see the point of DofE. It’s a good way to differentiate the CVs of candidates who all have similar grades. In the OP’s daughter’s situation I wouldn’t employ someone with DofE but no exams.

Sure, if your organisation only attracts applications from candidates with shocking GCSEs then looking at extra-curriculars makes sense, after all you've got to fill the roles somehow.

Firstly my condolances!
I did D of E to midway silver and then gleefully gave up once I got my uni offers.

these are for teenagers who are generally disabled, and use boats or other "cheat" methods of transport which my teen is not happy about using

Honest feedback: My first thought is given she has crap gcses and cant be arsed to resit maybe she needs to be a bit more flexible and just focus on the end goal (just getting the sodding thing).

It's 4 days and 3 nights - just suck it up and get it done.

She should really resit shes fucking herself over by not bothering

You can absolutely get heatstroke in the UK in summer. These recent June temps have been hotter than many July temperatures- the lass is out of shape and overweight. This could potentially create a serious issue on any expedition like a Gold DofE

SAS men die on Pen-y-Fan selection route

These experienced men died - yes, the selection route and time by which they must complete it with full equipment is difficult but they were incredibly fit and well trained.

the only reason we are doing it is because my daughter received incredibly poor GCSE results in summer 2025, cant be bothered to resit them, and she needs equivalent qualifications to show an employer or give her a chance of getting a decent job Your DD is being a bit of a lazy mare and it sounds a bit like you’re enabling her to avoid anything that might be a bit difficult or uncomfortable.

Any ideas what to do? I’d say putting an almighty great big rocket up her arse would be the first thing to do. She needs to understand that life is going to be very difficult for her once she leaves education because you will not be subsidising her. Her choices are studying, training or working. That’s it.

Especially with AI she’ll be screened out of job applications if she hasn’t got at least a 4 in Maths and English, before they even get to extra- curriculars. She needs to resit her exams. Or if not, find a way to support herself. Focus on this, not fighting with DofE assessors.

😂😂😂😂😂 um, well yes - quite possibly?!

I’m struggling to believe this can be real. Land your helicopter woman! Your daughter is 18 (although not sure how if she only sat her GCSE’s last summer… or were they a resit?) and an adult. This level of babying is crazy. You shouldn’t be involved beyond buying her the equipment that she needs.

DofE is definitely not going to help her in place of actual qualifications to get a job. She needs to sit her GCSE’s again and give them her full focus. What does she want to do in life? It may be that vocational courses would be better for her.

But the real issue seems to be that she’s lazy. She can’t be bothered to put the work in for anything it seems. It sounds like it’s you driving all of this to be done.

I agree. I am a hiring manager and can’t say that DoFE has any weighting in hiring decisions. Voluntary work is more impressive, but she ideally needs to re-sit some of her exams

Shows resilience and persistence in a job market where many people seem to have the inability to stick to something difficult.

She's doing it because she can't be bothered to resit her exams.

Do employers really care? I had all three awards and I agree with a PP that it was pointless from a CV perspective. Great fun though.

Also even if she does manage to do this it is in no way going to be a replacement for her GCSEs. I’d be tempted to encourage her to finish the gold but focus much more in the short term on getting her back into college or on to some other course, like functional skills or something vocational. Or saying she has to go and get a job.

DofE was always useful for personal development and something good to refer to in a personal statement. Never a replacement for GCSEs.

Grades are a pre-requisite. Extra-curriculars are a positive addition to have on top.

Extra-curriculars will never make up for lack of grades. The CV wouldn’t even be considered, tbh.

My daughter did her gold and silver expeditions in Snowdonia, both in named storms. Also her waterproof coat refused to be waterproof and her boots fell apart on Cadair Idris. What ever she does now she says "at least it's not as bad as D of E". When we went to Buckingham palace, the speakers had done their expeditions in Oxfordshire, lightweights.

Yes YABU. It sounds like you are basically
trying to cherry pick this and run it for her. When the whole point of DofE is that she should be managing it herself.

I think that SHE WNBU to be placed with a different group of people if these girls are awful, but are they really that bad? Has she tried to gel with them? Or has it all been a bit passive aggressive, my way or the high way?

All of the other stuff is U, most people do DofE in a national park (isn’t there a minimum climb/ terrain requirement for gold?), and in the early summer. Because you can’t really take a group of kids in rough terrain in autumn or winter. I did mine in the Brecon Beacons and it was awful, even in late May. But honestly it does sound like you’re just trying to make it easy for her. I’d get signed up for a new group and help your DD work on her fitness, especially climbing with weights on her back.

But surely as a ‘cherry on top’ of exam results though?
Not instead of?

I literally couldn’t care less if a candidate has gold DofE. I need them to have English and skills relevant to the job. It may be they can give examples of overcoming difficulties from their experience but the experience itself is of no interest to me.

D of E gold won’t replace lack of GCSEs. She needs to resit maths and English to try and get a pass. I work in local government and they are always an essential criteria even for low paid entry level roles.
If she’s not happy with group she’s in then she needs to speak to centre and get a different group. At 18 part of the challenge is sorting stuff herself.
We offer d of e through girl guiding locally but the expeditions are always in the countryside, I think last one was Lake District.

Would you interview someone with rubbish grades and a DofE, over 9 other people with decent grades but no DofE?

My dd did dofe last weekend and none of the 65 dc who took part got heat stroke. They wore hats and sun cream and drank water. I was a little concerned but it was fine. She’s 14 with pale skin and blonde hair.

can’t believe you’re this involved in an 18yo life. Mine is at work after driving herself having returned from a week abroad post A levels. Cut the strings.

I’m trying hard to understand why you are so involved of what your 18 year old is doing. I’d tell her to suck up the group, you don’t get to choose it and crack on and achieve her award. However I don’t think the Duke of Edinburgh award will make up for no school grades, I would be encouraging her to go back to college to at least get English and maths.

Urban environment? You are being ridiculous.

One of mine did Silver. A hike through god forsaken bush (we are not in UK), battling heat (we are a hot country), hideous bush environment, the usual insects and wildlife including some of the worlds most venomous snakes, pack weighing nearly as much as themselves, all got infested with leeches at one point. Any issues and they would have needed to be air lifted out - they had several satellite phones, they could use consecutively as each ran out of battery. After that, my child didn’t go for Gold🤣🤣🤣. So, scratching your head with how you think Gold could be a stroll around an urban environment with a bunch of friends, giggling about matters of life.

I remember doing it myself, and it was shit. It was meant to be shit, but to be fair I did it with friends so we were all suffering together so not so bad.

That’s interesting. I’m a business owner regularly recruiting school leavers. I’d absolutely look for qualifications ahead of extra curricular

My dd is off on her gold expedition tomorrow, she's off to snowdon, everything you have described is pretty standard, my dd has had issues with her group but she's just had to deal with it, my elder dd did the same thing 2 years ago. Expeditions are at this time of year due to exam seasons, winter expeditions would be a crazy idea, much more scope to go wrong and cancel because of poor weather and the weight of the gear they'd have to carry would go up massively (if dd falls on her back she's like a turtle that can't right herself!)

She is 18. What's she been doing for the last 2 years OP?