AIBU to continue with this FARCE? (Teens and extracurricular activites)

Note, I’ve assessed DofE expeditions for 20 years and I’ve never once come across one in an urban environment.

I've had a look at the website, and apparently you can - but I don't suppose it means going for a stroll round your home town. It still has to provide the right level of challenge.

The Brownies might be a better option

Does she actually wang yo do it or do you think it’ll make a difference on a uni application, if it’s for uni don’t bother, much better they actually have real life skills, doing a customer facing job, volunteering at local groups rather than only doing it to get an award.

Some of the critical posts about OP's daughter are uncalled for. FGS check your misery. 🙄

The only thing I think OP is at fault for is not investigating and getting recos for an appropriate centre. OP also could have pulled her daughter out much sooner.

This, 1000%

DofE is supposed to be challenging, yet you want to make it as easy as possible for her. Why? What's the point of her doing it, in that case? And as others have said, it's really not going to make up for poor GCSE results. She needs to resit the core subjects rather than make a half-assed attempt at a random extracurricular activity. Sorry to be blunt but this has post has made me so cross. She's an adult, and needs to learn to take on challenges and develop resilience. You should be advocating for this, not trying to make everything run smoothly and easily for her all the time. It will benefit no one.

She also is not allowed her mobile phone, or allowed to see me at any time of the day.

Well, that's standard and as she's 18 not 8 why does she need to be in touch? The whole idea is to experience and demonstrate resilience, independence and resourcefulness. Also, the public school clique does sound off putting but maybe they'll be OK and it's only for a short while anyway. Another life lesson - you sometimes have to work alongside people you don't like much or who are different to you. It's about adaptability, co-operation, team work.
However, it sounds as if she either isn't fit or flexible enough, physically and emotionally. Perhaps encourage her to do a Functional Skills qualification if she won't resit GCSE's.

Is there a reason she took her GCSEs late and got incredibly poor results?

She needs to find a different group.

She needs to put herself out there. She is not going to get this by walking round pavements! Its a challenge...and its up to her now. Shes an adult.

Incidentally DS did his Silver expedition, this week, in the Peak District, in 33 degrees. It was hot and I was slightly anxious about that, but they made sensible modifications as someone said up thread (regular water drops, transported some of the heaviest kit, up at 4.15am in order to finish by lunchtime each day), and he had a great time. As so many others have said, the whole point is that it's a challenge.

Honesty OP, the best thing you can do is encourage her to redo GCSE's.
Gold Dof E imo is a discussion point at interview but won't help get a job/ university place.
It's supposed to encourage independence and resilience. DS1 did Gold two years ago by cycling from Barrow to Newcastle (C2C) in 5 days carrying all his kit. We live in Cornwall, so he travelled via train to Newcastle which was a challenge in itself. DS2 is kayaking Bath to London in 5 days. It has to be difficult!

*cheat

PS sailing expeditions are not ‘chest methods’. They generally combine the expedition with gaining an RYA qualification like Competent Crew. They undertake night shifts. They navigate in open sea. It’s both physically and intellectually demanding.

Note, I’ve assessed DofE expeditions for 20 years and I’ve never once come across one in an urban environment. I’ve heard apocryphal tales of children from the Australian outback going to Sydney because, for them, it was the equivalent of a city kid going to the countryside. I don’t know whether it’s true though. The only difference since the tiles were eased has been the ability to have gold expeditions without wild camping in places like the Chilterns instead of the Peaks.

You lost me at “risk of fainting”

You sound very controlling. She’s old enough to do Gold Duke of Edinburgh. She can cope with a few days camping in the Peak Fistrivt. The whole point if the expedition is to get out of your local area and (preferably) into nature. Along with the residential this is meant to stretch you. It is also a group activity. It’s like a rite of passage: completing it gives participants a sense of accomplishment. If you are being obstructive then perhaps it’s not right for your family.

Formal exams will serve her better than this. With her height/weight, she doesn’t sound very fit. But, at 18, she should be sorting this out for herself.

One of mine did her Gold expedition on a yacht. Might be worth looking at? I think it was this one https://www.mst.org.uk/dofe-gold-expedition

Well she certainly could have done this week!

If your adult daughter can’t do a 2 hour walk in the countryside then I’d be suggesting she get to the GP

Does your daughter really really want to do the DOE if she’s 18 It just seems the wrong thing for her. Get her to go into her local college and find out what courses are available lots of people leave school without GCSEs this courses their level one or level two that might suit her better.

It was my understanding that expeditions are always in hilly terrain, both my DDs went to the Peak District. It sounds to me that there’s more going on here, if she’s not capable of walking 10k on hilly terrain she isn’t the standard of gold award but it’s possible to row, sail, horse ride or paddle, not cheating, my friends son sailed for his

i failed gcses, didnt see the point, then couple years later got to a careers fair, with security services, dtsl, and other military companies, got inspired after a chat with the security services and then applied for uni via access course, and onto a degree.

sometimes you never know

At 5ft and ten stone she sounds quite overweight to me. Maybe she should work on getting properly fit first?

sadly, Duke of ed isnt a substitute for GCSE’s.

At 18, I’d be letting your daughter drive this process, you’re too involved.

all the best to her.

It’s only a matter of time before someone mentions the army…

While a lot of young people, especially boys, would no doubt benefit from the discipline, I doubt whether the army wants them.

@paulinepolos my daughter received incredibly poor GCSE results in summer 2025, cant be bothered to resit them, and she needs equivalent qualifications to show an employer or give her a chance of getting a decent job.

This is mumsnet, you don't need to pretend qualifications are important on here.

Every single person with a job understands that qualifications don't mean anything. Your daughter will discover that too after she leaves school.

Is there going to be a drip feed about why the OP has so much involvement/intervention in this? The Peak District is fab btw, a great opportunity.