AIBU to continue with this FARCE? (Teens and extracurricular activites)

Op said she got “incredibly poor” GCSE results. Given the attitude of can’t be bothered to resit them, and wanting to make the DofE easier, I can’t see it being a case of Mum thinks a C is an incredibly poor result and needs to resit to get an A* can you?

DofE, like GCSEs, are not for everyone.

This can’t be real. People can’t be this clueless surely?!

Did she fail her GCSEs?

No, not even a little bit real. Brand new poster too.

This whole post feels odd. I wonder if it's real.

We are not talking about graduates or even A levels - OP's dd failed her GCSEs and doesn't want to resit them

No, OP has disappeared completely.

Most people only mention resits for failed exams rather than just a lower grade than they’d like. Yes, I’m making an assumption (I literally said it implies) but it’s the most likely answer.

She won’t do resets perhaps GCSEs aren’t the right thing for her. She needs to be advised to go to a college herself and sort things out for September.

@BeingATwatItsABingThing She’s said she needs to do resits which implies she didn’t pass.

Did she say that? Maybe DD got average grades, and the parent wants resits because their expectations are too high?

I have a 2:1 from a bog-standard university but that’s a qualification. The OP hasn’t said her DD has Bs and Cs (whatever the new number equivalent is). She’s said she needs to do resits which implies she didn’t pass.

The people I manage need to have a minimum of a C in Maths and English. That’s pretty standard.

I know LOADS of people in very good senior positions who have completely mediocre 2:1 or 2:2 degrees, from average universities, in non-specific fields.

A students work for C students.

Seems the daughter has a BMI of 27, which is overweight but not excessively so, and honestly unless there is some major additional need that we don't know about, people with a BMI of 27 and above do hikes like that all the time. Might not be fast, might need rests on the hills, but she really isn't so overweight that it isn't possible. I remember all of us complaining about the weight of the packs... it's not supposed to be the army, but it's also not supposed to be an easy, gentle stroll.

Suppose she could walk up and down Forest and Gypsy Hill and hopefully not give up and take the bus to Thornton Heath. Might be a bit hairy getting through the crowds trying to buy their weekly shopping at the big Tesco's once she's off the 450 at the Clocktower, though.

So she can’t be bothered to redo her GCSEs so is doing DoE which requires a lot of team and extreme walking which she also doesn’t like?

You are babying her. Shes 18. She has to fight her own battles. Also, no employer is going to think the DoE is equal to GCSEs. She’d have been better off redoing her GCSEs in the evening than this .

How/when did your DD do silver and bronze?
Could she not do it with the same group, or was that organised by school?

OP surely you have known for a while where and when your daughter's D of E will take place and what it will involve. Once you and she knew what it would involve, it is surely up to her to be organising and doing training walks of the length and in the terrain that her expedition is in? If she is doing walks " on relatively flat urban terrain", then that's her choice not to prepare for the type of walk she is doing for D of E. If she is getting burnt and cut feet, then obviously has chosen the wrong foot wear and isn't wearing enough sun cream.

Part of D&E is to be able to research the right clothing, organise yourself to have it, and work out and do the training you need to do to get ready for the trip. If your daughter is totally unable to do this, that would suggest she isn't ready for D of E. No disrespect - two years ago I planned to swim a sponsered mile. I still haven't yet because I can't swim a mile... not a problem, but means I haven't done it.

I'm not questioning that the other young people in the group could potentially be as excluding as you say OP, but I'm also thinking that this is likely to be a high achieving and motivated bunch of individuals (in my experience, most gold DofE candidates are). I'm trying to put this gently so please try and see this, but what about your underachieving, unfit, and unmotivated daughter do you think should appeal to them?

I know that sounds so unkind, and I'm truly not trying to be a cow bag, but sometimes it helps us to see ourselves as others might see us.

I don't think gold DofE is going to be the panacea you think it is. As someone who employs within the NHS, I would really question your thought process here. I wouldn't touch someone who 'couldn't be bothered' with resits of important exams unless there is a HUGE contextual backstory. You've had some good suggestions up thread. I hope you can hear them non defensively and it's helpful to you.

Agreed. DD is 5'8" and a very muscley athlete who trains multiple times a week and she is around 63kg.

If your daughter weighs the same as her at 8 inches shorter that's quite a difference

And how do you think the people in (decent) jobs got them? Through having no qualifications and a DofE certificate?

Anyway....first time poster and not yet engaged with the replies.....let's see,

it is because my daughter received incredibly poor GCSE results in summer 2025,

Is she an academic year behind her peers? If she is 18 now but did her GCSEs last summer there is a mismatch somewhere. Why did she do so poorly? Didn't apply herself, not able or personal circumstances?

I presume you mean June 2027 - so a whole year to get fitter and stronger. Losing some weight would help with this.

What setting is she in at the moment? 6th form, college?

I had to go back and read your daughter’s age, stop babying her she’s a grown woman! The whole point of the expedition is to use critical thinking and build resilience, not be phoning your mum because it’s June and you might get hot. Your daughters going to encounter people from all walks of life, so what if they went to private school together, so did my son and most of his office, they still get on with everyone else regardless. Tell her to get on with it and stop helicoptering.

Your comments about alternative modes of travel for disabled participants being a cheat are really offensive, especially when you're basically looking to bypass and cheat the structure of the award yourself!

Fwiw I did my gold in a sea kayak and it was pretty hardcore but a lot of fun. It's meant to be challenging, otherwise you wouldn't get an award at the end!

And I agree about it not replacing GCSEs. It helped me answer one or two interview questions for my first job out of university, but it wouldn't have got me the interview in the first place of I didn't have the qualifications!

Have you checked out the Approved Activity Providers link on the DofE website:

https://www.dofe.org/resources-and-tools/opportunity-finder/approved-activity-provider/

They have loads of alternatives to walking and you don't need any experience. It seems a shame not to finish it if she has done the other sections. Has she done the Residential?