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AIBU?

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AIBU for stepping in when a livery horse was left unattended for 2 days?

163 replies

Balloonhearts · 28/06/2026 11:00

So, I really don't think I did anything wrong here. I'm not unreasonable. I'm pretty much just venting here instead of being unprofessional on the group chat. Sorry, its a long one.

I work at a riding school which is part school, part private livery. Yesterday, I was working with the barn rats (group of kids who help out at weekends/after school/any time their parents don't forcibly evict them)

We have 2 stable blocks, back-to-back. I was working in one block, mucking and two of the older kids went off to start the other block which is mostly livery/working livery. This was about 11 am. All the horses are out by 9. We turn out the school ones and working ones, private livery are DIY so do their own, there are 5 PL at the moment.

They came back almost immediately and told me Dom (not his real name) was still in and was weaving in his stall, windsucking and upset.

I went round to look as Dom's owner is an early bird, we hardly see her. She's in at 7, feeds him, turns him out, does his jobs and we don't see her again until bedtime.

He was indeed, in and very agitated. I went in and found that he had no water at all, his bucket was dry, no hay and there was no bucket in there to indicate he had been fed. There was also a LOT of poo and wet bedding.

I sent a child for a haynet and one for the hose and they filled his water,which he guzzled so fast they had to keep stopping him for fear he'd bloody colic.

I text the barn owner asking if he was on stall rest or something and she said no so I tried to ring his owner. No answer. I messaged the group chat, asking 'has anybody seen Karen this morning?' Nobody had. Someone asked if Dom was OK I said yes, he's OK, just trying to reach Karen.

One lady said that she was trying to text her last night as she hadn't been down at her usual time and the other lady had brought Dom in for her so he wouldn't be left out alone. Assumed she was just running late.

Established that Dom had not been fed or watered this morning or night before. No one had seen Karen.

I got him a scoop of the school feed. Didn't know what he usually eats so I went safe and just gave him a scoop of chaff and a scoop of pony nuts.

Tried Karen again, no answer, left another message. At 12.30 we still hadn't heard anything so I told one of the kids to put him out.

Now this was my fault as I didn't think to specify where. He normally goes in one of the little paddocks with one friend.

Child put him in one of the larger fields, as that's where his friend was, with 6 other horses. We have 6 pastures in total for the purposes of resting some while we use the others and being able to split up horses who don't get on or are prone to sillyfuckery.

He was fine out there, no one he didn't get along with, was peace and harmony. We mucked his stall as it was disgusting. Used the school bedding as we couldn't get into her storage cupboard, where her shavings are. Left hay in there and full water as we still didn't know wtf Karen was.

She appeared at about 8pm, half hour before we brought them in and closed for the night.

Hit the roof. How dare we interfere with her horse, demanded to know who put him in the 'wrong' pasture. Child immediately fessed up and apologised and she had a right go at her. Told her Dom could have been hurt being turned out in a herd.

I stepped in, pointed out we don't normally look after Dom so how was she to know? Also pointed out that Dom was fine and with horses he got along well with. He was in the 'Chill Field" where the calm horses go. He was a lot happier out there than stuck in a hot smelly stall.

She then saw the hay and started complaining that was the wrong hay. She gives him sweetened haylage which was, again locked in her cupboard. We do not have any sweet haylage. We teach beginners. We prefer those ponies and horses not to go absolutely nutcrackers on sweetened feed.

Most of ours are easy keepers who get far too many treats and are honestly getting a bit rotund. They do not need extra calories. They eat regular hay.

I'm afraid I rather lost my temper and told her she had some fucking nerve to criticise when she'd abandoned her horse for the last 48 hours with no food or water, hadn't even told anyone she couldn't make it so we could at least feed him.

I called her ungrateful because we'd fed her horse out of our own pockets and told her the child she was telling off had looked after her horse better than she had.

She complained to the barn owner who backed me and is now bitching about me on the group chat saying I interfered with her horse, did everything wrong and bad mouthed her on the group. I didn't. I just asked in there if anyone had seen her, trying to work out when she was last here.

She'd just vanished. Excuse me for caring if she was dead in a ditch.

Ungrateful cow.

And breathe....

OP posts:
britnay · 28/06/2026 13:53

It sounds like it was yard policy for the horses to be brought in at night, hence the other livery not wanting him to be out alone. You have no idea how this horse would react to being out alone. Some will be happy as larry, as long as there is grass to eat. Some will panic and try to jump fences in order to get to other horses. I used to have a livery horse that would panic if you tried to lead it anywhere in or out by itself. You always had to lead it with another horse, otherwise it would panic and bolt.

Zoonosis · 28/06/2026 13:47

Darragon · 28/06/2026 13:39

So you haven’t read the information from knowledgeable horsey people explaining why this course of action was actually dangerous for the horse then? RTFT!

Thanks, I used to work with horses professionally, I don't need people who think they are "knowledgeable horsey people" to tell me how they work. Being out in a field overnight for one night is not going to do a horse any lasting harm, certainly less potential lasting harm than leaving them locked in a small stable with no food or water on a boiling hot day. Obviously it's not ideal - something I already said - but nor is it the end of the world. Karen shouldn't have been rude about it, especially not to a child, but also we don't actually know what happened with her daughter, for all we know it was an absolute crisis, she already feels stressed out and bad and then arrives at the stable only to find that rather than being left in his familiar field as she thought, everyone else has taken it upon themselves to move her horse around like a merry-go-round, leaving him without food and water, chucking him in with unfamiliar fieldmates, and now apparently the problems this has caused are all her fault. I'd be pissed off too.

WiddlinDiddlin · 28/06/2026 13:43

I am pretty sure that the Yard owner/manager has a legal duty of care to the animals on the yard, so if she HAD left Dom stood in with no water/food, fetlock deep in his own piss and shit, she'd be committing an animal welfare offence!

The livery contract should state what will happen if the owner does not show, and what the charge for that will be, but even if it doesn't, the law still applies and leaving a horse without water for any period (excluding actively being ridden) is against the law in the UK.

squashyhat · 28/06/2026 13:42

TheRestIsEntertsinent · 28/06/2026 13:38

"Barn rats" and "prone to sillyfuckery" are the kind of views that really put me off the horsey set.

I'm sure they are doing OK without you 🙄

EdithStourton · 28/06/2026 13:40

LaPerruque · 28/06/2026 13:12

Yes, it's how I spent a fair bit of my teens, too.

Ditto.

OP, that poor horse. I'm yet another one saying you did the right thing.

Darragon · 28/06/2026 13:39

Zoonosis · 28/06/2026 13:26

Yes, this is surely a factor, as far as Karen was concerned he was still in the field, which meant he had access to grass and water. Perhaps not ideal for 2 days but he would have been okay. The person who brought him in might have meant well but it's their fault he was left in a stable in his own filth without food and water, they should have informed someone - ideally both Karen and the yard staff - that they'd brought him in. Doesn't excuse her kicking off at a child, but she's not wrong her horse was meddled with when he was probably better off being left where he was.

Edited

So you haven’t read the information from knowledgeable horsey people explaining why this course of action was actually dangerous for the horse then? RTFT!

TheRestIsEntertsinent · 28/06/2026 13:38

"Barn rats" and "prone to sillyfuckery" are the kind of views that really put me off the horsey set.

Zoonosis · 28/06/2026 13:26

Teeed · 28/06/2026 11:33

I see this slightly differently, perhaps.

Someone else brought the horse in which is the reason he was not fed or watered. Playing devils advocate, had he been left on the field where Karen thought he was, he would not have been without?

Yes, this is surely a factor, as far as Karen was concerned he was still in the field, which meant he had access to grass and water. Perhaps not ideal for 2 days but he would have been okay. The person who brought him in might have meant well but it's their fault he was left in a stable in his own filth without food and water, they should have informed someone - ideally both Karen and the yard staff - that they'd brought him in. Doesn't excuse her kicking off at a child, but she's not wrong her horse was meddled with when he was probably better off being left where he was.

oliviaAustin · 28/06/2026 13:25

Manxexile · 28/06/2026 13:08

that doesn't mean you have to indulge them.

you tell them to go home

Nah you don’t. They’re helping, having fun and learning. They’re safe.

oliviaAustin · 28/06/2026 13:24

I’d just reply saying ‘sorry I got it a bit wrong, I was trying to keep your horse from getting ill during the heatwave after you neglected him. I won’t help him in future and will call the RSPCA instead.’

gingercat02 · 28/06/2026 13:16

Manxexile · 28/06/2026 13:08

that doesn't mean you have to indulge them.

you tell them to go home

They are usually very helpful and hard working

LaPerruque · 28/06/2026 13:12

fiestatime1 · 28/06/2026 13:11

Why? They’re helping, they enjoy it, they’re getting fresh air and exercise and life experience and they’re safe and their parents know where they are

Yes, it's how I spent a fair bit of my teens, too.

Stella1366 · 28/06/2026 13:12

I hope the horse owner is on MN!

fiestatime1 · 28/06/2026 13:11

Manxexile · 28/06/2026 13:08

that doesn't mean you have to indulge them.

you tell them to go home

Why? They’re helping, they enjoy it, they’re getting fresh air and exercise and life experience and they’re safe and their parents know where they are

fiestatime1 · 28/06/2026 13:10

Manxexile · 28/06/2026 13:03

You have the same children "helping out" between 12:30pm and 8pm on a Saturday?

Have you got your priorities right?

(I don't know anything about making money out of keeping horses so I'm asking a serious question)

You couldn’t have pried me away from the stables from age 6 onwards
i was often there from the crack of dawn until 6-7pm
even adults do it, you say “I’m just popping to the yard, be an hour or so…”
7hrs later….

Manxexile · 28/06/2026 13:08

gingercat02 · 28/06/2026 13:06

Lol you weren't a horsey kid. You literally couldn't beat tween and teen girls (generally) away from a yard full of horses.

that doesn't mean you have to indulge them.

you tell them to go home

Boobyslims · 28/06/2026 13:07

That’s awful. She should have been so grateful you all stepped in and looked after her horse.

Did she say anything about where she was, or what has stopped her routine? Not that it’s the point. Just curious / nosey!!

The poor kid getting chewed out. That’s really so not on.

gingercat02 · 28/06/2026 13:06

Manxexile · 28/06/2026 13:03

You have the same children "helping out" between 12:30pm and 8pm on a Saturday?

Have you got your priorities right?

(I don't know anything about making money out of keeping horses so I'm asking a serious question)

Lol you weren't a horsey kid. You literally couldn't beat tween and teen girls (generally) away from a yard full of horses.

Manxexile · 28/06/2026 13:03

You have the same children "helping out" between 12:30pm and 8pm on a Saturday?

Have you got your priorities right?

(I don't know anything about making money out of keeping horses so I'm asking a serious question)

fivepastmidnight · 28/06/2026 13:00

I would copy and paste and abbreviated version of your first message into the group chat and say just to balance the fiction with fact.

Magicpaintbrush · 28/06/2026 12:58

She left her horse without water in the middle of a heatwave? What a stupid woman! Thank goodness you were there to help him. She might have come vack to a collapsed/dead horse if you hadn't. Ungrateful bitch! You did absolutely the right thing!

caringcarer · 28/06/2026 12:56

Why the fuck didn't she just ask someone else on group chat to please feed and water her horse. Very irresponsible owner. Poor horse obviously very distressed. You did nothing wrong but you should be giving owner a final warning not to abandon her horse again.

Justveryveryangry · 28/06/2026 12:51

DidntLikeTheEnding · 28/06/2026 11:26

Is barn rats a commonly used term in horsey circles? I think that's a horrible way to refer to anyone, especially kids.

And that’s what you took from this thread? Jesus wept.

Happyjoe · 28/06/2026 12:47

Thank god you were there to help, I am pleased people like you exist. The animal is totally dependent of us humans when like this - and she let the poor horse down. No water, no food, in this heat?? She's a prize tosser who's selfish. If she does it again, she needs reporting.

I had similar argument with a twat who kept chickens down the allotment. I had a plot for 5 years and to this day I have no idea what this bloke looks like as he's never there. He took 4 chickens down in a rickety old cage, was never there to feed or water them. All the allotment holders took over the care and online group chat I told him off. I got it in the neck from him, a real nasty nasty piece of work. The chickens went 'missing' after that exchange, I think one of the other allotment holders took them and looked after them.

Ethelspagetti · 28/06/2026 12:46

She has a nerve. You, the child and the lady obviously did a wonderful thing looking after him. What was the alternative?! Leaving him for days without food, water and clean bedding?! Just watched him die?! Of course you should always intervene! I’m glad you did ❤️