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AIBU?

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AIBU for stepping in when a livery horse was left unattended for 2 days?

163 replies

Balloonhearts · 28/06/2026 11:00

So, I really don't think I did anything wrong here. I'm not unreasonable. I'm pretty much just venting here instead of being unprofessional on the group chat. Sorry, its a long one.

I work at a riding school which is part school, part private livery. Yesterday, I was working with the barn rats (group of kids who help out at weekends/after school/any time their parents don't forcibly evict them)

We have 2 stable blocks, back-to-back. I was working in one block, mucking and two of the older kids went off to start the other block which is mostly livery/working livery. This was about 11 am. All the horses are out by 9. We turn out the school ones and working ones, private livery are DIY so do their own, there are 5 PL at the moment.

They came back almost immediately and told me Dom (not his real name) was still in and was weaving in his stall, windsucking and upset.

I went round to look as Dom's owner is an early bird, we hardly see her. She's in at 7, feeds him, turns him out, does his jobs and we don't see her again until bedtime.

He was indeed, in and very agitated. I went in and found that he had no water at all, his bucket was dry, no hay and there was no bucket in there to indicate he had been fed. There was also a LOT of poo and wet bedding.

I sent a child for a haynet and one for the hose and they filled his water,which he guzzled so fast they had to keep stopping him for fear he'd bloody colic.

I text the barn owner asking if he was on stall rest or something and she said no so I tried to ring his owner. No answer. I messaged the group chat, asking 'has anybody seen Karen this morning?' Nobody had. Someone asked if Dom was OK I said yes, he's OK, just trying to reach Karen.

One lady said that she was trying to text her last night as she hadn't been down at her usual time and the other lady had brought Dom in for her so he wouldn't be left out alone. Assumed she was just running late.

Established that Dom had not been fed or watered this morning or night before. No one had seen Karen.

I got him a scoop of the school feed. Didn't know what he usually eats so I went safe and just gave him a scoop of chaff and a scoop of pony nuts.

Tried Karen again, no answer, left another message. At 12.30 we still hadn't heard anything so I told one of the kids to put him out.

Now this was my fault as I didn't think to specify where. He normally goes in one of the little paddocks with one friend.

Child put him in one of the larger fields, as that's where his friend was, with 6 other horses. We have 6 pastures in total for the purposes of resting some while we use the others and being able to split up horses who don't get on or are prone to sillyfuckery.

He was fine out there, no one he didn't get along with, was peace and harmony. We mucked his stall as it was disgusting. Used the school bedding as we couldn't get into her storage cupboard, where her shavings are. Left hay in there and full water as we still didn't know wtf Karen was.

She appeared at about 8pm, half hour before we brought them in and closed for the night.

Hit the roof. How dare we interfere with her horse, demanded to know who put him in the 'wrong' pasture. Child immediately fessed up and apologised and she had a right go at her. Told her Dom could have been hurt being turned out in a herd.

I stepped in, pointed out we don't normally look after Dom so how was she to know? Also pointed out that Dom was fine and with horses he got along well with. He was in the 'Chill Field" where the calm horses go. He was a lot happier out there than stuck in a hot smelly stall.

She then saw the hay and started complaining that was the wrong hay. She gives him sweetened haylage which was, again locked in her cupboard. We do not have any sweet haylage. We teach beginners. We prefer those ponies and horses not to go absolutely nutcrackers on sweetened feed.

Most of ours are easy keepers who get far too many treats and are honestly getting a bit rotund. They do not need extra calories. They eat regular hay.

I'm afraid I rather lost my temper and told her she had some fucking nerve to criticise when she'd abandoned her horse for the last 48 hours with no food or water, hadn't even told anyone she couldn't make it so we could at least feed him.

I called her ungrateful because we'd fed her horse out of our own pockets and told her the child she was telling off had looked after her horse better than she had.

She complained to the barn owner who backed me and is now bitching about me on the group chat saying I interfered with her horse, did everything wrong and bad mouthed her on the group. I didn't. I just asked in there if anyone had seen her, trying to work out when she was last here.

She'd just vanished. Excuse me for caring if she was dead in a ditch.

Ungrateful cow.

And breathe....

OP posts:
Lavenderandbrown · 28/06/2026 16:54

no good deed goes unpunished OP.

yard owner has handled it very well. Pleased he/ she addressed it directly and with confidence.

based on replies from many knowledgeable MN you WNBU. She was. Leaving Dom in the field was not typical not routine and careless of her to assume he would be left in the field until a more convenient time for her.

its a character flaw to never admit you are wrong or accept responsibility for not handling not responding to a failure with some meekness and recognizing others have stepped in to help you. Anger directed at a child by an adult who is at fault is all kinds of wrong.

user1499114292 · 28/06/2026 16:43

Balloonhearts · 28/06/2026 14:42

Meh, she's telling everyone she's ever met anyway.

With regards to the kids, they come and go when they want, do as much or little as they want. Some come late, some stay all day.

The only thing we enforce is suncream and at least one break with water that does not come from a hose.

maybe missing the point, but

What’s wrong with water from the hose?

don’t we all do that at the yard?

loulouljh · 28/06/2026 16:38

Wow. You did the right thing. Why om earth did she not just message someone to sorted him out.

CheeseyOnionPie · 28/06/2026 16:30

Zero (and I mean zilch) horse experience here but it’s clear to me you 100% did the right thing. Leaving an animal to suffer without water or food or clean living arrangements is cruelty. Especially in the heat we have been having.

CaptainHammer · 28/06/2026 16:24

I was a barn rat as a teen but we were called something different that would definitely be offensive now! It was all in affectionate good humour at the time though. Also I used to be on the livery yard and forced my mum to drop me off at 7am and she collected me again about 7pm! I would literally have lived there all weekend (and week!) if I could. Fresh air, exercise, the community were all great things as a 12-16 year old.

You did well to keep the high ground I’m not sure I would have been able to!

XelaM · 28/06/2026 16:23

We have horses and I think it's shocking and the yard owner was way too soft in her message. That owner should be kicked off the yard.

And a horse absolutely should not be left alone in a field over night if they are used to being out with a friend! The horse will likely panic and hurt himself

Zoonosis · 28/06/2026 16:23

Balloonhearts · 28/06/2026 16:14

It's really not. The post stated 'swatting at' this implies a wafting motion, much like waving away a fly. The horse in question is neither headshy or crop shy and is, in fact, the same horse who followed me to the toilet. Doesn't sound like a horse being beaten, does it?

You've had it clarified twice now that no horse was ever hit, yet you still use the phrase beating on the face. Clearly, you just want to be rude and twatty. People can describe their animals how they want. If you don't like it, that's your problem.

Please stop derailing my thread. You've said nothing useful so why don't you just go away and find a thread that doesn't irritate you.

If you "swat" a fly you've killed it, so no it doesn't imply wafting. If you don't want people to think you beat horses in the face, perhaps don't post "hilarious" anecdotes that imply you've been doing just that. And certainly don't post them and then expect everyone to defer to you as the most horsiest ever horsey expert in the world just because you've got a job in a shoddy stable that apparently relies on unpaid child labour to keep afloat.

ItsNotMeEither · 28/06/2026 16:22

LaPerruque · 28/06/2026 11:31

It’s neutral, even affectionate, as a way of describing teenagers who hang out at a stable doing chores habitually. See also mall rats.

See also Rink Rats in ice skating rinks. Nothing nasty behind that at all.

Balloonhearts · 28/06/2026 16:14

Zoonosis · 28/06/2026 16:04

Even if you didn't make contact that is still extremely shoddy and unsafe horsemanship, liable to cause an accident or make the horse headshy and so more dangerous to handle in future. As you describe it, the horse had a child on its back at the time, if it had thrown them and injured them in its efforts to avoid being "swatted" that would have been entirely and squarely your fault for such dangerous handling. However your original comment implies quite strongly you did make contact; your current version is a revision, if you were "exaggerating" for comic effect it was rather tone deaf and clueless to imagine that people would find the image of you beating a horse in the face funny rather than shocking.

Do not accuse me of animal cruelty, unless you want to find yourself in court defending it.

I'm accusing you of doing nothing more than exactly what you described doing in your own words. Contact or not, that is cruel and shit horsemanship.

If you don't agree with keeping horses,

I don't fundamentally disagree with keeping horses, however because I actually know a little bit about it I'm under no illusion that the circumstances in which horses are frequently kept are ideal for them; it's simply a fact that stabling and fencing and confinement is unnatural and many horses suffer as a result, in fact most behaviour problems you see in horses are actually down to boredom and/or stress which is exacerbated by poor management, and it isn't a laughing matter when they injure themselves as a result. In fact attitudes like yours -"that's just what horses are like, isn't it funny" - are exactly what perpetuates ignorance and poor practice in the industry.

Edited

It's really not. The post stated 'swatting at' this implies a wafting motion, much like waving away a fly. The horse in question is neither headshy or crop shy and is, in fact, the same horse who followed me to the toilet. Doesn't sound like a horse being beaten, does it?

You've had it clarified twice now that no horse was ever hit, yet you still use the phrase beating on the face. Clearly, you just want to be rude and twatty. People can describe their animals how they want. If you don't like it, that's your problem.

Please stop derailing my thread. You've said nothing useful so why don't you just go away and find a thread that doesn't irritate you.

OP posts:
Howmanycatsistoomany · 28/06/2026 16:05

Also, your yard manager is shit - how did they not know the horse was without hay/water?

Zoonosis · 28/06/2026 16:04

Balloonhearts · 28/06/2026 15:53

I have never beaten a horse with a whip. You are referring to where I said that I was swatting at him to stop him biting the horse I was riding. The crop did not ever actually make contact with him. Do not accuse me of animal cruelty, unless you want to find yourself in court defending it.

You literally just want to find fault with anything you can. If you don't agree with keeping horses, why don't you go find another thread to be miserable and combative on.

Even if you didn't make contact that is still extremely shoddy and unsafe horsemanship, liable to cause an accident or make the horse headshy and so more dangerous to handle in future. As you describe it, the horse had a child on its back at the time, if it had thrown them and injured them in its efforts to avoid being "swatted" that would have been entirely and squarely your fault for such dangerous handling. However your original comment implies quite strongly you did make contact; your current version is a revision, if you were "exaggerating" for comic effect it was rather tone deaf and clueless to imagine that people would find the image of you beating a horse in the face funny rather than shocking.

Do not accuse me of animal cruelty, unless you want to find yourself in court defending it.

I'm accusing you of doing nothing more than exactly what you described doing in your own words. Contact or not, that is cruel and shit horsemanship.

If you don't agree with keeping horses,

I don't fundamentally disagree with keeping horses, however because I actually know a little bit about it I'm under no illusion that the circumstances in which horses are frequently kept are ideal for them; it's simply a fact that stabling and fencing and confinement is unnatural and many horses suffer as a result, in fact most behaviour problems you see in horses are actually down to boredom and/or stress which is exacerbated by poor management, and it isn't a laughing matter when they injure themselves as a result. In fact attitudes like yours -"that's just what horses are like, isn't it funny" - are exactly what perpetuates ignorance and poor practice in the industry.

babyproblems · 28/06/2026 15:55

YANBU.
You wouldn’t leave a dog in a car for two days; this is no different.
thing is, you risk her moving horse now, and that’ll mean next time you won’t be able to see or help the poor horse…
Ideally you’d want to be able to say if you do it again, we’ll inform the RSPCA.

Perhaps the manager could contact everyone and clearly say we expect all horses to be fed and watered / turned out / in every day- if this isn’t done by 7pm winter / 10pm summer, we are will provide this service at XX extra charge. That way you cover both them being ignorant / neglectful, and the horses welfare.

She sounds like a terrible owner.

Balloonhearts · 28/06/2026 15:53

Zoonosis · 28/06/2026 15:48

I've owned horses and worked with them professionally. You didn't read my comment before you started scoffing - absolutely all the injuries you describe are the likely result of exactly what I said they were - horses kept in unnatural and stressful conditions, injuring themselves trying to escape confinement or boredom, and/or on items (bolts, troughs, fences) that don't occur in their natural environment. You won't find these injuries occurring in wild horses, nor is there any evidence that wild or free roaming horses are particularly accident prone.

And once again, I'm not really up for being lectured on welfare and behaviour by someone who beats horses round the face with a whip. No wonder horses are injuring themselves around you if that's how you treat them.

I have never beaten a horse with a whip. You are referring to where I said that I was swatting at him to stop him biting the horse I was riding. The crop did not ever actually make contact with him. Do not accuse me of animal cruelty, unless you want to find yourself in court defending it.

You literally just want to find fault with anything you can. If you don't agree with keeping horses, why don't you go find another thread to be miserable and combative on.

OP posts:
Happyjoe · 28/06/2026 15:53

Manxexile · 28/06/2026 13:08

that doesn't mean you have to indulge them.

you tell them to go home

They are children. They won't break.
But they learned how to help, how to care for animals and not how to do it. Brilliant lessons.

Why you fixating on something that's not relevant?

MyHorseAndMe · 28/06/2026 15:52

I’d have done exactly the same as you, and THEN I’d have informed the yard manager. You can leave a horse in a distressed state, with no water or food, in a dirty stable.

OutOfApricots · 28/06/2026 15:51

PrincessofWills · 28/06/2026 11:53

It wasn't left without food or water by the owner, but by someone taking it upon themselves to interfere. I too would be mega pissed off if I'd decided to leave my horse out for whatever reason only to discover it had been brought in, dumped in a stable, not fed, watered, or mucked out . . .

The owner didn't turn up at all the night before and nobody could contact her. So someone thought they were doing her and the horse a favour. That's why the horse was brought in, because you absolutely do not leave a herd animal out in a field overnight on its own.

Howmanycatsistoomany · 28/06/2026 15:49

OP you should've informed the yard manager that the horse was without water and hay and let them deal with it - if they asked you to hay and water the horse that's fair enough but you really shouldn't have guessed at the hard feed.
Your yard manager should be having a 'pull this shit again and you'll be looking for a new yard' convo with the owner.

Zoonosis · 28/06/2026 15:48

Balloonhearts · 28/06/2026 15:13

😂 Tells me you have never had a horse. If you'd spent any significant amount of time with them, you would know that they are complete goofs.

We have a 30 year old mare who needed stitches because she jumped out of her field, directly into a tree for no other reason than the cow parsley on that side of the fence was clearly superior to the cow parsley on her side.

One who diligently pulled his friends tail repeatedly until he was kicked in the face despite being the best of friends the other 99% of the time.

One who can open bolts and let's himself into areas where he is very not welcome, most memorably the toilet block because he decided he could not be more than 6 inches from me at any time and also once tried to burgle an ice cream van.

One who cast himself in a large water trough with his legs underneath him and did such a superb job of it that we had to tip it over with the tractor to get him out.

Ask any horse owner and they will add to this list of ridiculous misadventures.

I've owned horses and worked with them professionally. You didn't read my comment before you started scoffing - absolutely all the injuries you describe are the likely result of exactly what I said they were - horses kept in unnatural and stressful conditions, injuring themselves trying to escape confinement or boredom, and/or on items (bolts, troughs, fences) that don't occur in their natural environment. You won't find these injuries occurring in wild horses, nor is there any evidence that wild or free roaming horses are particularly accident prone.

And once again, I'm not really up for being lectured on welfare and behaviour by someone who beats horses round the face with a whip. No wonder horses are injuring themselves around you if that's how you treat them.

LoveItaly · 28/06/2026 15:40

TerfOnATrain · 28/06/2026 11:03

YANBU, I would have threatened to report her to the RSPCA if you ever saw her horse in that state again. I would also respond o the group chat with the truth.

I would report her anyway, that was gross neglect. Poor horse, and well done OP for helping.

whyyyyyisitmonddayy · 28/06/2026 15:37

This is why a lot of yards now insist that you share feeding layouts etc when you start boarding in case there is an emergency in which you can’t make it / can’t be reached.

horse couldn’t be left out clearly as he’d be alone and probably hit the roof.

Pessismistic · 28/06/2026 15:35

Hi op she went ballistic because she knows she was in the wrong the owner should send her an email saying if you can’t be bothered to come and feed you horse or contact someone else to do it we will not step in after your rude behaviour to my staff and we will report you for neglect. Horses not having a drink in this heat is diabolical fuck her whoever she tells it will only be half of the truth because anyone decent who loves horses would tell her straight she was bang out of order and you both deserve an apology.

LeavingAtLast · 28/06/2026 15:26

Absolutely disgusting, neglectful and rude behaviour. That poor horse

DirtyGertiefromno30 · 28/06/2026 15:24

It's obviously a case of guilt , you did everything you could do and more .
She's obviously not looking after her horse and l would be keeping an eye on him on future.Well done you 👏

Elieza · 28/06/2026 15:23

the owner knew the both horses would presumably be brought in together. as one gets upset if left alone and the other removed. so the owner should have known what would happen and spoken to the other horses owner at the very least. to either ask her to look after both or leave both out if that would be ok.

its common in the horse world. one of mine was like that. ran about screeching like a maniac for no reason if left alone. the other two didnt care.

horses can be pretty stupid. yea maybe on occasion because they are stables and it’s unnatural. mine would crap in his stable water bucket. his only source of water. how stupid. i had to leave two buckets spread out so hed have one left if he crapped in the other. idiot horse.

result with the yard owners message. very sensible.

maudelovesharold · 28/06/2026 15:22

LaPerruque · 28/06/2026 11:31

It’s neutral, even affectionate, as a way of describing teenagers who hang out at a stable doing chores habitually. See also mall rats.

Do you remember the cartoon ‘Rugrats’? 🙂