To quiet quit at work due to TTC stress

It is possible to be clear and direct without being unpleasant. Some of the posts on this thread have been a little bit cruel and sarcastic in my eyes.

Infertility is shit but you need to get more resilient. Ten months is nothing at all. It took me ten years. You can't just give up on all the other aspects of your life. What if it never happens for you?

Catch a grip!!!

OP - kindly you might help your stress if you delete this thread, have a glass of wine and have sex. Posting here isnt going to get you pregnant.

I'm being blunt because many women (including myself, and I have a scientific background) were never actually taught properly how our bodies and conception work - and also were never taught how to weigh scientific evidence.

There is a whole "industry" out there out on the internet promoting tips and tricks for improving your chance to conceive, from lowering stress, to eating vitamins/pineapple/whatever this month's theory is. It's possible that some of these things may have a very small effect, though there is generally no robust/conclusive scientific evidence. But the effect these things have is tiny compared to other causes of infertility.

Of course there's no problem if someone TTC wants to lower their stress, take vitamins or whatever. The problem is that women can delay getting tests and treatments if they think "I'll just try to relax and try for another month". But if someone is having periods and ovulating, it's extremely unlikely that stress is a significant factor - so all this approach ends up doing is delaying the quite likely scenario that some medical tests can find the problem - and also, in most cases, offer a way to overcome it.

This. Definitely don’t quit. Wallowing at home all day would be awful for you right now.
Do whatever you want at work, I personally make the lowest effort possible. But you need to keep your own life going - dont just work and TTC. Do what you enjoy - exercise, spa days, see your friends, go out to do whatever interests you. Delete social media and get off any fertility forums. 10 months is entirely normal. Are you having sex every day or two from when your period is over? Absolutely dont wait around for a positive ovulation test, then it’s practically too late.

Surely it’s just a fact that living in a war zone or living through a famine is stressful? Yet it’s very easy to see that babies are born in these situations. Many babies in fact. I don’t think someone who feels their average job is stressful can be remotely compared to people in war zones and famines.

I think the issue you've had on here is the phrase you've used.

I absolutely give 100% at work when I need to, but I don't think it's healthy to regular give more of yourself than you can at the expense of your own wellbeing.

So no we shouldn't be agreeing to every request for overtime (which is often unpaid), we should be taking breaks, taking our leave and not going full pelt to the extent that we risk burnout.

We get paid to do a job and we should do a job. Not double that job. I'm self employed now, but when I was employed, on a regular day I left on time, I took lunch breaks, I chatted to colleagues. If there was extra work then I'd take half a lunch or leave a bit late. Most of my colleagues worked through lunch and worked late every day. When they needed to do extra work, then they stayed even later. They weren't better regarded than me, and I was respected for managing my workload. No one gets an award for martyrdom in the workplace and we are all replaceable if needed.

There's no need to 'quiet quit' or any other weird phrase. Just do your job, do it well, but don't make it your life, and leave enough time for you and for living.

But what happens if you never fall pregnant and you're just half arsing it at work? You've left it quite late in the day to conceive naturally, so i wouldn't quiet quit nor quit quit.

Why are people being so blunt to someone who has been ttc for eleven months and who sounds scared and a bit desperate? It feels insensitive to me.

It’s 100% affects fertility.
I don’t know how they could possibly conduct any realistic testing on Warzone’s with regards to stress levels versus normal conditions who’s signing up for that experiment?

The question is not whether stress affects fertility, it's how it affects it, and whether it's likely to be a factor in your case. In cases of extreme stress, the body can stop ovulating or producing LH. If you are having regular periods and getting positive OPKs, it's highly unlikely that stress is having any significant effect on your TTC - because those are exactly the things that would be affected if stress was affecting your fertility (really the only other way stress would affect fertility is lifestyle eg you are missing the window for sex as you are too busy at work, or eating very unhealthily, but that doesn't seem to be the case here). Remember that if normal levels of stress could shut down reproduction, there would be no baby booms during wartime, etc.

On the other hand, as I mentioned in the previous post, there are biological (rather than psychological) issues which are far more likely to be involved in your difficulty to conceive. It can be uncomfortable to pursue testing, as none of us like to feel that our bodies (or our partner's) are failing us. But the tests will likely tell you what is actually making a difference for you, which is unlikely, on the basis of what you've written, to be stress.

I started TTC at 34, I took nearly 2 years TC with no health issue. I know how it can become all consuming, how you look at others and see how easy they seem to have it. But every one has their cross to bear and you can't compare yourself to others. Best thing you can do is investigate any issues which may impact on TTC, reduce or cut out alcohol and maintain a healthy weight.

If you are over performing at work then yes I think it’s a great idea to experiment with stepping back a bit. You can still do a very good job without giving every last bit of yourself. Hope it all works out for you

"getting fired from work because you’re not pulling your weight is not going to help your stress levels."

Why would you get fired for doing your actual work and no more?
I can see how in some jobs it would hurt your chances of promotion, but just doing your job is not a sackable offence.

"‘Quiet quitting’ is doing a poor job. It’s doing the minimum requirement. "

Why is doing the minimum requirement doing a poor job. Why have you internalised the idea that people must go 'above and beyond'?

"The term I’ve seen nobody mention is “work to rule” which is what “quiet quitting” is. It means doing your job description and nothing extra."

I prefer to call it working your proper hours because work to rule sounds like a protest.

WTF? Quiet quitting just means working your contracted hours, not doing unpaid overtime, etc.

100% stress can impact conceiving.

Can you afford to take a 6 month career break, relax (try not to think of conceiving as easy as it is to say, I realise its almost impossible) and spend some time on yourself?

Hi @Maomee I have been in your exact position. The term I’ve seen nobody mention is “work to rule” which is what “quiet quitting” is. It means doing your job description and nothing extra. Women without children in public facing roles with vulnerable people so easily get pulled into the “extra”. I don’t think there’s anything wrong with “quiet quitting” for a short while.

I was flat out at work while TTC and dealing with a particularly horrific situation towards the end. I stepped back from the project for a month and got pregnant 🎉🎉🎉. I had to go back on and I decided to do my job only and just escalate anything above my pay grade. My line manager was shocked to discover what I had been putting up with. It all imploded before my 12 week scan and thankfully that was the end of it. I still maintain I would never have got pregnant without that month long removal.

I wish you all the best. I can hear the hurt in your post and I remember the anguish of the TWW too clearly. Best wishes to you for getting through.

😂

OP, I think you’ve made up your mind. I’m not sure why you’re asking the question.