AIBU to keep raising safety concerns when my partner dismisses them?

No I didn’t respond to thank you because your post didn’t deserve a thank you!

you’ve not taught me something or how to be a better parent. I project my anxious concerns on the kids thank you.

as I mentioned this was a conversation with my partner not my children!

It’s probably going to work better if you don’t directly address him, as that’s seen as criticism.
You could try- Oh yum! You’ve made smoothies with daddy! What fun! Let’s just fish these grapes out and cut them in half to make the easier to eat. Grapes can be a bit tricky because they’re a funny shape!

Generally addressing it to the dc will be better because you will naturally moderate your tone, and you’ll phrase in a way that children can understand which will hopefully work for him too!

I had some involvement in this case (from an emergency response perspective) and it was fucking horrendous. I still cut my 7yo’s grapes because of it. It will stay with me forever.

OP and @TY78910it is so easy for a child to choke on a grape. My DS did it! He was 3 and sitting sensibly not running around but it still slipped into his gullet and dialling 999 while trying to get the grape out is terrifying! Fortunately I had someone with me strong enough to tip him upside down and bang his back so it was released. I would never ever have whole grapes or olives near a child. It was not something that had occurred to me until it happened. It only takes a few minutes to choke to death.

I think it's a lot easier to say you'd be really gracious about it when you're not the one constantly being told off for decisions you make as a parent.

As I said upthread, there is strong evidence that by exhibiting anxious behaviour in front of them you may be endangering your children's future mental health. I noticed you didn't respond to thank me and say how glad you were that I had brought this to your attention so you could parent better with this new knowledge?

I think it's a lot easier to say you'd be really gracious about it when you're not the one constantly being told off for decisions you make as a parent.

As I said upthread, there is strong evidence that by exhibiting anxious behaviour in front of them you may be endangering your children's future mental health. I noticed you didn't respond to thank me and say how glad you were that I had brought this to your attention so you could parent better with this new knowledge?

Exactly!! I get it, yes it’s annoying to have things pointed out all the time….but if it was roles reversed and he told me/reminded me something in regards to their safety I’d be pretty bloody happy to listen.

its not about who did what, who created a risk accidentally or who didn’t know the right information yet…its literally about ensuring going forward our children are given every opportunity to thrive and not unintentionally be at risk.

There is a scientific paper which includes a story about a 5yo who choked on a whole grape and died:

https://adc.bmj.com/content/102/5/473

OP, YANBU. You are not nagging. How does DH normally treat you? I think it is all too easy to accuse you of nagging, rather than engage with you on whether or not grapes are a choking hazard.

Did you tell your husband WHY the grapes are dangerous? I think there are so many warnings about babies, that it’s hard to know what’s really a risk.

Grapes are dangerous because they are round shaped, and the size of a windpipe so if one gets lodged, you can’t dislodge it. As it’s a circle and slippy. It’s not like choking on other foods.

They told us on the first aid course when the ambulance is sent ,and it’s for a grape that they know they may be dead by the time the ambulance gets there. You cannot dislodge it, that’s the issue.

They are dangerous for all ages and I still cut them up for my much bigger children after doing that course as it frightened the life out of me.

I think if you consistently do this, then yeah I’d be annoyed too. 4YO is perfectly capable of whole grapes. The 2YO maybe not to sip on but to eat whilst supervised yes. He’s clearly made these smoothies with them, let them garnish and have some fun with it then you turn up and tell him off.

He asked me once ‘how do you know how to do all this stuff’ after we had kids and I was like ‘I look it up’ and he told me ‘well share with me’ but every time I try tell him this ‘knowledge’ he gets angry and thinks I’m having a go at him. I’m not I’m literally trying to remind him or pass on valuable information on how to keep our babies safe and alive!

Can you find a quiet time, kids asleep both of you not knackered, to have a calm talk that starts with you reminding him of the above "Do you remember when you said..." Reiterate that you are in this together, that parenting is hard in all sorts of ways and that you are not criticising him, as a person, you are assessing the action taken. And that you realise thst sometimes your anxiety takes you to a point that isn't appropriate for the risk posed.....like the lollipops - what did you object to exactly?

The grapes, yes, in a gloopy drink they do present a choking hazard even for adults! But the lollipops...as a PP said just because he made a different choice to you doesn't make his choice wrong.

Some balance, give and take and better communication will hopefully make a difference to you all.

everything is a guidance, not law. As always, this depends on the child entirely. Both mine were and are perfectly capable of managing whole grapes supervised.

I think if you consistently do this, then yeah I’d be annoyed too. 4YO is perfectly capable of whole grapes. The 2YO maybe not to sip on but to eat whilst supervised yes. He’s clearly made these smoothies with them, let them garnish and have some fun with it then you turn up and tell him off.