AIBU to feel hurt about missing my fiancée’s birthday again?

She doesn't want to SHARE her life with you does she? Dreadful start to an engagement/marriage/life 'together'.

Whybare you with some like this?
Much less getting engaged?

Very strange to want to be marrying someone who doesn't consider you or involved in special occasions.

We teach people how to treat us.
Rethink this.

It sounds like you have poor communication between the two of you. If you've been together 2 years and are planning to get married, you need to actually talk about this and sort it out. Why haven't you asked her why you and your child are not invited to her birthday meal? Do her family have a problem with her being gay? Or is it a problem with you specifically?

So why did you get engaged? Not trying to be rude but this is clearly a recurring theme?

This

Does your dp make the effort to spend time with you on your birthday?

If so, surely they'd understand if you explained you would like that to go both ways?!

This. If after 2 years she's not bothered about you being there on special occasions, surely that tells you something?

Then your fiancée doesn't see you as part of the family, even though by her living with you and your child, you've made her a part of yours.

You need to speak to her about this, not us I'm afraid.

If she’s like this with other events then you need to really think about whether you are long term compatible. Does she propose that you spend all Christmases apart too?

Does this dynamic happen on other special occasions like Christmas ?

Do you know, I think it just might be? 🤔🤣🤣

Sure ot if it’s a milestone birthday for one it is also for the other?

It's hers and her twins birthday, not yours. Have you even told her you want to celebrate with her? Made any effort to plan something yourself or adjust your routine to suit the people whos birthday it is?
You need to accept that you're unlikely to be the number one priority at all times for a twin, just like (I hope) your child is your priority, your partners priority is likely her twin. They have very special bonds.

she knows it upset me last year, and this year the exact same thing has happened and she will be spending majority of her birthday with her family whilst I’m at home (that’s a whole other issue that I cba to detail here).

Well could you be bothered to detail a little bit?

It might be relevant.

Does her twin like you?

How old is your child? Can’t you be more flexible or book a babysitter? You could have booked something nice for today if the meal is tomorrow. It’s their birthday and you’re making it about you. I’d have turned up cheery tomorrow with a present and cards for both. Get the twin onside seriously. I have twins and it’s a weird relationship.

Is the meal they have planned suitable for children your child's age/are other children going, like the twin's child? If the birthday people want an adult only meal/evening, I think this is understandable. Trying to think of it from your fiancée's perspective - she only has one birthday a year and it's always the same day; if it's not suitable for your child to go to whatever celebration they have planned could you arrange for someone to look after her while you go out? Your fiancée may be thinking that you're not bothered about her birthday and choosing not to go, leaving her to celebrate it as more of a birth family event.

Would she be open to the two of you having your own celebration for her birthday, maybe earlier that day or another day that week?

Also, if this is a broader issue where you feel she's typically not taking your child, and/or your responsibilities as a parent, seriously then that's something to discuss and make sure you've worked out BEFORE getting married!!

>>>> Edited to add - just saw your follow up about not even being invited - that is different. Have you asked her why? Is her family homophobic, or is there some other weird divide going on (e.g., all the other siblings are married already, or the partners are close family friends who'd be invited anyway)?

She's not that into you, hun, sorry

Spat out my drink 🤣🤣🤣

Can you not bend your child’s routine just this once? Life can’t be so rigid.

Her birthday is obviously about her and her twin, and you’ve only been together 2 years. The day just isn’t about you. Do something else with her on a different day to celebrate

It doesn't sound like she's that bothered about it if she's happy to let her twin dictate what happens. If the whole thing means more to her twin than it does to her then it's not surprising she's not bothered about what they do or who with.

I'm not remotely interested in my birthday. If DH started getting stroppy because I wasn't doing something with him for my birthday I'd wouldn't be happy at all. When it's his birthday that's the time for him to have input into how it's spent.

How would it not be a special milestone for her twin as well 😂