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Original poster

AIBU to feel hurt about missing my fiancée’s birthday again?

87 replies

LeopardPrint21 · 27/06/2026 18:02

I have been with my partner for around 2 years and we have just very recently got engaged. We are a same sex couple.

It is her birthday this weekend, and yet again, I’m hardly going to see her on the actual day. She has a twin, and every birthday, she just lets her twin dictate what they do and there is never much effort to include me in the plans. It’s literally the mentality of this is what’s happening on my birthday, either you can make it or you can’t.

I think this year stings a bit more because it’s a special birthday milestone, she knows it upset me last year, and this year the exact same thing has happened and she will be spending majority of her birthday with her family whilst I’m at home (that’s a whole other issue that I cba to detail here).

I just feel a little bit hurt and rejected because I personally would want my partner to share my special occasions with me, but it doesn’t feel like a priority for her to do the same regarding me. It just feels weird to literally be engaged to someone but never spending their birthday with them.

AIBU for feeling like this?

OP posts:
Bristolandlazy · 27/06/2026 20:14

didntlikeanyofthesuggestions · 27/06/2026 18:06

Is it a special milestone birthday for her twin too? If so it's understandable they would want to be together.

Ha ha ha ha.

user293948849167 · 27/06/2026 20:11

LeopardPrint21 · 27/06/2026 18:14

We weren’t even officially invited to the meal, added into the numbers for the meal or anything like that, literally all the other siblings partner’s will be there apart from me - that feels shit

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Yeah that is a crappy thing to do. Have you explained to your fiancee how you feel? I think it’s up to her to raise this with her family

CamillaMcCauley · 27/06/2026 20:00

Tbh if she knew you weren’t going to make it because your child needs to go to bed early for school the next day, it’s not odd that you weren’t “officially invited”.

It may be difficult to accept but of course the event is going to be planned around the child of one of the birthday girls, rather than the child of a relatively new partner.

There may be a bigger issue to address with you feeling excluded by family but you may need to learn to live with the fact that twin relationships are rare and usually very close, and their birthday is something they may always want to celebrate together. It’s just not like most people’s birthdays.

SleepingStandingUp · 27/06/2026 19:57

LeopardPrint21 · 27/06/2026 18:14

We weren’t even officially invited to the meal, added into the numbers for the meal or anything like that, literally all the other siblings partner’s will be there apart from me - that feels shit

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That's a partner probe, not a sil problem. Why doesn't your partner care their partner and step child is left out? I think you need to take step bsck and look at your relax. 2 years is miniscule when there's kids involved in the

Happyhettie · 27/06/2026 19:55

SockPlant · 27/06/2026 19:35

the only question you have to ask yourself is this: is this how i want my life to be for ever?

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Totally agree, you need to think really carefully about this.
It’s not that you can’t go because of …… ,
you’ve not actually been invited.

Christmas, birthdays - she’ll be with her family and where will you and your child be?

DugnuttEyeBoogies · 27/06/2026 19:48

didntlikeanyofthesuggestions · 27/06/2026 18:06

Is it a special milestone birthday for her twin too? If so it's understandable they would want to be together.

No, her twin has a different birthday GrinGrinGrin

Wishimaywishimight · 27/06/2026 19:45

Purpleharlow · 27/06/2026 18:06

Is this a serious question?

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I did laugh at that - something Joey from Friends might say 🤭

SockPlant · 27/06/2026 19:35

LeopardPrint21 · 27/06/2026 18:22

It’s a general theme of her having a very separate life with her family and me regularly feeling excluded from anything and everything they do. It makes me feel like we don’t properly share a life together and often brushed to the side and there is never an automatic invite for me at special occasions. As far as I know her twin likes me, we all get on as okay as we can considering the fact I hardly see them because of what I’ve just listed above.

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the only question you have to ask yourself is this: is this how i want my life to be for ever?

StraightTalkingTina · 27/06/2026 19:31

I think you have two options.

first is to challenge your partner as to how long she expects this level of exclusion to be ok. Because you are deliberately being excluded.

the other is to organise something for your partner that has nothing to do with her twin and includes you and your joint friends.

TinyTempest · 27/06/2026 19:21

igelkott2026 · 27/06/2026 19:19

Be kind, it's been really hot. Maybe the pp's brain has baked 🤔🤣🤣

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Well mine did when I read it! 😁

igelkott2026 · 27/06/2026 19:19

TinyTempest · 27/06/2026 18:25

Do you know, I think it just might be? 🤔🤣🤣

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Be kind, it's been really hot. Maybe the pp's brain has baked 🤔🤣🤣

daughterfromhell · 27/06/2026 19:19

Honeyhonay · 27/06/2026 19:00

It’s concerning that you’re allowed to vote.

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😂😂😂

igelkott2026 · 27/06/2026 19:16

LeopardPrint21 · 27/06/2026 18:14

We weren’t even officially invited to the meal, added into the numbers for the meal or anything like that, literally all the other siblings partner’s will be there apart from me - that feels shit

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how long have they been together compared with you? Although I think two years is long enough to be invited

Sisublondie · 27/06/2026 19:14

Honeyhonay · 27/06/2026 19:00

It’s concerning that you’re allowed to vote.

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I’ve had - a lot- when I’ve said I’m an identical twin, “ Brother or Sister”……..?! 🤷🏼‍♀️🤦‍♀️ ( I’m female)…. 🙄

Sisublondie · 27/06/2026 19:11

didntlikeanyofthesuggestions · 27/06/2026 18:06

Is it a special milestone birthday for her twin too? If so it's understandable they would want to be together.

As an identical twin myself…. 😹! Ummmm, yes, I guess!

Pinkissmart · 27/06/2026 19:02

Would it not be ok if she had a plan with her twin on her birthday, and a plan with you the day before or after?

InterestedDad37 · 27/06/2026 19:01

Well look, you know what her priorities are regarding this sort of occasion, so you have to decide if you can live with that or not

Nofeckingway · 27/06/2026 19:01

I don't blame you for being hurt . You are her fiancée , your child will be her step child . You should both be included in family events . The fact that she doesn't see that is not great . You need to sort this out before you think if getting married.

Honeyhonay · 27/06/2026 19:00

didntlikeanyofthesuggestions · 27/06/2026 18:06

Is it a special milestone birthday for her twin too? If so it's understandable they would want to be together.

It’s concerning that you’re allowed to vote.

Honeyhonay · 27/06/2026 18:59

Every year? I mean it’s only been one other birthday surely since you’ve only been together 2 years?

On the face of it she wants to do something for her birthday and it doesn’t suit you because it doesn’t suit your child, that’s sort of fair enough.
It all sounds a bit odd though, why are you engaged if your communication is so rubbish and vague?

daughterfromhell · 27/06/2026 18:55

LeopardPrint21 · 27/06/2026 18:26

Yeah, every special occasion

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Then there’s a fundamental difference in both of your expectations and how involved you are in each others lives.

You need to talk to her calmly and clarify actually what you both want and how you see this relationship. Depending on the outcome of that, you need to decide if it’s still right for you.

PinkyFlamingo · 27/06/2026 18:50

didntlikeanyofthesuggestions · 27/06/2026 18:06

Is it a special milestone birthday for her twin too? If so it's understandable they would want to be together.

I think you need someone to explain to you how twin pregnancies work.....

Besidemyselfwithworry · 27/06/2026 18:46

Sunshineclouds11 · 27/06/2026 18:05

What’s the back story?

why can’t you be there?

This
you are engaged
you are a couple

if she is “choosing” her family over you then this does not bode well I’m afraid especially if they are going to constantly leave you out. I think you need a very open and frank discussion as to whether you are on the same page with all of this.

weaselyeyes · 27/06/2026 18:45

Well, obviously birthdays will always have been a joint thing for them both and it's probably hard for your partner to conceive of doing them differently, although I get why you'd be hurt. But have you also thought that perhaps she keeps you at a distance from her family because she wants you to be hers alone? Twins get used to everything being shared. It might be that she's not excluding you but trying to keep you exclusive to her.

alpenguin · 27/06/2026 18:44

OP is she out to her family?
could it be she’s hiding her same sexual relationship from them?

I have a hobby-friend who was sent upstairs when his partners family came to their house. They lived together for twenty years before my friend got wise and ended it.

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