AIBU to be disappointed in this anniversary gift? Probably going to sound like an ungrateful cow here

I was responding to a PP who said someone's bar was too low due to not giving/receiving gifts

I'm happy for others to do whatever works for them. I was expressing we don't need gifts and my bar isn't low.

I take it gifts are important to you?

I think you sound spoiled. I find this demanding what you want for a present really mercenary. Perfume is a nice gift. What did you get him?

Thoughtless present. If I let dh loose he’d buy a bag I don’t like. Goes back every time, now it’s a Harrods or Selfridges gift voucher so at least I can chose something I like!

I can honestly say that not once in the 48 years that DH and I have been married has DH ever bought me an anniversary present! To be fair, I haven't bought him one either!

If you want those shoes, OP, just buy them yourself!

All this shilly-shallying about, having to tell someone what you'd like to receive and then waiting for them to buy it for you (and then the annoyance or disappointment when they get the wrong one!) is reminiscent of childhood. Set yourself free from it and just buy your own stuff in future - and let him buy his.

I’d be annoyed too, OP. Low effort.

Please tell me it wasn’t Chanel no 5. Supposedly dept stores do good sales on Chanel no. 5 on Xmas eve to husbands who have no imagination.

Another one here, though we do tend to go away for a few days.

Maybe he didn't particularly want to get you running shoes and was trying to get more of a romantic gift. He likely thought you liked the perfume if he saw you buying it for your mum!

We don't do anniversary gifts because to us it's pointless as we buy what we want when we want. However i know others that do token gifts and some that do extravagant gifts. Each to their own .

Save the perfume for your mum (next Christmas or birthday) and order the shoes you want.

We only get presents for the big ones. He's not one for cards for any occasion. Went on holiday for our 25th. I chose my own strand of pearls for our 30th & got him mother of pearl cufflinks with an engraved personalised box. This year is 35th & coral but doesn't feel like a "big" one for some reason.

if this was your birthday or Christmas I would say you have a point but anniversary? Meh. Can’t get worked up about that. We probably exchanged presents the first couple of years but once you factor in Valentine’s Day, Mother’s Day and Father’s Day it starts to be a lot. That being said I’d rather have no present than a perfume I wasn’t keen on.

Getting the perfume your mum wears is a bit rubbish!

What did you get him?

I have genuinely never met anyone who buys anniversary gifts every year. Flowers sure, maybe a card, but an actual gift swap I didn’t know happened. My husband has bought me special jewellery on the big numbers and some years flowers but I have never bought him anything ever. genuinely a bit surprised this is a thing.

Is it not allowed to be important to someone else, just because it’s not important to you?

Another who doesn't do anniversary gifts here but if you do and you've told him specifically what you want, can't you just say you'd rather get the shoes online or whatever and return the perfume?

We decided on our first anniversary that there was no point me spending x on him and him spending x on me. For the big ones: 10, 25, 30 we've had a little holiday. He bought me an eternity ring at 10 and pearls at 30. Well he sent me to chose and gave me the money. Works well, he knows I'm fussy.

We don't buy anniversary gifts either and if it were down to just me there wouldn't be a tree decorated.

But to claim I didn't know other people do buy anniversary gifts as you did is just silly.

I don't!

I’m going to be honest I had no idea it was a thing apart from the big ones. We simply say ‘happy anniversary’ and that’s it.

Similar story here- I got my husband a new doormat once 😂

We tend not to bother with anniversary presents anymore. Sometimes we get a box of chocolates in the shopping order to share but that’s about it.

I guess if the shop didn't have the trainers any more her probably panicked and remembered seeing you buy this perfume. Maybe he thought you had bought it for yourself and had forgotten you had bought it for your mum.
Lots of shops don't keep multiple sizes of shoes in stock and so it is a plausible reason for not getting them.

When you saw the shoes, you should have just bought them yourself. There was always the danger they would out of stock when your DH went to buy them. If they're still online, order them now.

This is why adults shouldn't bother with presents. I love running shoes and am not bothered about perfume, but running shoes seem like an odd anniversary present. ln a world where money is family money, just buy the shoes, and avoid having it wasted on perfume.

The only gifts we do are trips or nights/days out, but even then in most cases it would be discussed to make sure it's right.

I'd just go and buy the shoes myself now.

Are they definately out of stock or did he just say that coz he couldn't be bothered to go get them and it was easier just to grab a bottle of perfume.

Yes, you should be grateful to get anything I understand that but why bloody ask what someone wants and then get them something else?