AIBU to be disappointed in this anniversary gift? Probably going to sound like an ungrateful cow here

Yeah and me - a card and flowers were enough. 👍

I also think he remembered you buying the perfume so his brain linked it to something you would like.
If this was dh he would have bought the shoes in plenty of time, if they were out of stock he would have waited to see if he could get them anywhere else and if not told me. He would probably order the shoes and give them to me once they were an available and buy me another gift to give me on the day.
I once asked for trainers for an anniversary gift so it’s not unusual.
So what if some people don’t do gifts, that’s not the point.
As an aside my mum once gave me the perfume she had asked me to buy her for Christmas. I don’t even like it!

We don’t do gifts either. We will go out and DH will get me flowers and we do cards, with nice things written to each other which I cherish.

Same, we’ll do a card, maybe go for dinner. Married decades - it’s not that important in the grand scheme of things for us to receive a present.

Not sure where you are based but that is an expensive perfume in UK even with the discount so a pretty decent gift as long as you like perfume. My mum only like chanel so I somehow associate it with an older woman, but it smells great. Not a bad present in my eyes, not great if they buy the same thing annually!

She asked for trainers, so she is not being precious about old-fashioned lists!

Well it isn’t great but atleast you got a gift! 😂 My DH usually does get a gift but totally forgot this year. He was suitably apologetic and we had a takeaway to celebrate. Bit of a pain to go out on a school night. He also told me to go ahead and get myself something so I bought myself a back pack I had been eyeing from Michael Kors. So it was fine overall. If he generally puts in the effort then don’t stress about the one off when they mess up!

We do the traditional ones although last year we were about to buy a house so didn’t buy each other anything

I genuinely didn’t know couples buy anniversary gifts for each other.

I’m not married but have parents / aunts and uncles / friends who have been together for decades.

OP - YANBU. Buy yourself the shoes.

This is what I think happened. He didn’t want to have no gift so just grabbed something. Can he return the perfume and you order the shoes online? Just be honest

I got a garlic press one year 'because you said you wanted a new one".

Yes, I did say that - because ours broke. General observation that this household thing had broken and we needed a new one, not that I wanted one for a gift!

Not particularly. I buy what I want for myself.

Your comment absolutely reads as though you are dismissing gift giving as not important, regardless of what reply you were making.

Keep it for a year and give it to your mum. Buy yourself the trainers. Job done!

If you're gonna do anniversary gifts then perfume is more apt than running shoes. Just buy some running shoes if you need them. It's a bit prosaic, like asking for a toilet seat or cagoule. But ofc pointless to get a perfume you don't wear/like. If he's crap at gifts, don't add extra ones on top of birthday/xmas and just do dinners out or something, while buying practical shit you need yourself.

Poor guy lol. You're setting yourself up for upset with this relentless gift giving schedule. Bday, xmas, anniversary, mother's day, valentines day, and goodness knows what else. All of which, it sounds like, have to be special and thoughtful gifts.

You know hes bad at gift giving so come to another arrangement. Maybe only gift on 2 occasions per year and agree in advance what to do about the other days - A nice meal or something. Or tell him to ask your mum (or whoever you inherited the gift giving love language from) what to get you. But yeah the current setup is just hassle for him and disappointment for you.

But you know that most people do, don't you?

That is low effort . My mum is exactly the same if she can’t be bothered to source something . The shop sold out is her go to phrase . Lazy .

I think you’re being a bit precious and spoiled tbh. No particular problem with anniversary gifts if you want to do them but its unorthodox and the lack of a gift isn’t something to kick off about.

I know it sounds weird and old fashioned but I am firmly in the “its the thought that counts” category. If someone has put some thought, effort and money into buying a gift for you, you are blessed. No one is entitled to get exactly what they want. Certainly not for an anniversary present.

We don't do anniversary gifts either better things to spend money on

I totally get this OP. My husband is terrible or amazing at gift giving and nothing much inbetween. One Christmas I got a band tshirt of a band I can't abide, no idea what he was thinking. Another year he took me to New York for a long weekend! There is no rhyme or reason to him.

For years now I have simply bought my own gifts instead and asked him to get me something small that I don't know about til I open it. This year I bought myself a watch for Christmas and he got me a Grinch snuggle blanket (for a child) t for the sofa (we have three HUGE coordinated blankets for the sofa already that he uses so obviously knows about them!) and it reminded me WHY I get my own gifts all over again!

I'm guessing husband maybe knew he knew the perfume but couldn't recall why, or he assumed you'd bought it for yourself before? I mean at least he tried... I would have left it sealed and regifted it tbh 😂

I would suggest that if he finds present buying stressful you stop. My husband and I realised that is all got a bit silly just performatively buying things for each other at birthdays and Xmas so we decided that we would spend the money doing something together so we either have a night stay at a hotel or go out for a nice dinner or we would buy something for the house together. It just took away all the stress and if we want something specifically for ourselves we just buy it. It stops bad gifts and wasteful spending.

You’ll get some posters saying they expect nothing and jump for joy when their partner remembers their name but ignore. It’s important to you which is what matters here. It seems like he didn’t put any thought in which is annoying - can you swap the perfume for one you do like?

Me and my husband do anniversary presents, my friends do too. It's not unusual at all. Unless you're a very different generation (older?) I'd probably just ask nicely to return the perfume and find the trainers you like online. No point looking at it and being reminded of the lack of thought.

Exactly. Didn’t take long for the ‘you are lucky. I would have been happy with a lump of coal’ brigade to turn up.
I am sorry OP. That’s not good enough. .